If Alzheimer's Could Speak

Posted by FWW @fwentz, Feb 8, 2022

The following thoughts have given me great comfort many times during years of care for my wife who is in the later stages of Alzheimer's Disease. It is from Tara Reed who graciously gave me permission to show it here.

Talk to me...I can hear your words and they still touch my soul.

Smile at me...My eyes can see you and feel your heart even if I don't remember how to smile back.

Hold my hand...I can feel your energy when our hands connect. It makes me feel safe and less alone.

Love me...My heart can feel your love even if my words can't express mine.

Live your life...Help me on my path but don't press pause on your life. Be the vibrant person I know & love.

Trust the process...I know this is hard and not what we planned but trust the process. We can't control it but we can choose our focus. Remember the good times, know that I am OK and that you are in my heart always.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

@janet7

My concern with my husband with Dementia is that one day, he won’t remember who I am.

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@janet7, I can understand that concern. How strange it must be to have shared a life with someone who may someday see you as a stranger. Keep in mind that it doesn't happen with everyone living with dementia. Has this happended with your husband?

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@janet7, I am experiencing that concern! My girlfriend/sig. other of almost six years has MCI, the chemical indicators for ALZ and frontotemperol dementia, a family history of ALZ, and if that isn't enough, had a huge meningioma (benign tumor) removed from her head last July that no one knew was there although the signs were evident in hindsight. ALL of that has impacted her memory and she has already, to me, shifted from being a fellow adult/partner/lover to a recalcitrant 10-year-old with impulse control issues, needing parenting. She still knows who I am but...even now, I'm grieving. I am blessed that her two adult sons live nearby and we're working as a team to support her as best we can.

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@colleenyoung

@janet7, I can understand that concern. How strange it must be to have shared a life with someone who may someday see you as a stranger. Keep in mind that it doesn't happen with everyone living with dementia. Has this happended with your husband?

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No, my husband still knows me but I have read where this has happened and the one with Dementia doesn’t know his wife and has a girlfriend. A friend told me that this might happen if Alzheimer’s is involved, not so if just Dementia. Is there a test for Alzheimer’s?

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@crisismanager

@janet7, I am experiencing that concern! My girlfriend/sig. other of almost six years has MCI, the chemical indicators for ALZ and frontotemperol dementia, a family history of ALZ, and if that isn't enough, had a huge meningioma (benign tumor) removed from her head last July that no one knew was there although the signs were evident in hindsight. ALL of that has impacted her memory and she has already, to me, shifted from being a fellow adult/partner/lover to a recalcitrant 10-year-old with impulse control issues, needing parenting. She still knows who I am but...even now, I'm grieving. I am blessed that her two adult sons live nearby and we're working as a team to support her as best we can.

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I am so sorry to hear about your girlfriend’s behavior and I can relate to Will acting like my son or child. I know he is very sensitive and has feelings of being abandoned and won’t go to any institution, and I want to take care of him at home. If his memory got very bad and he didn’t know what was going on, I might consider an institution, for his sake as well as mine.
You are fortunate to have family near you to help you out. We have no one in either family to help us. They offer money, but we need their love and being involved as much as they can be, to our situation.
So sad when family or friends just don’t seem to care.

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@janet7

No, my husband still knows me but I have read where this has happened and the one with Dementia doesn’t know his wife and has a girlfriend. A friend told me that this might happen if Alzheimer’s is involved, not so if just Dementia. Is there a test for Alzheimer’s?

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Yes, Janet. Alzheimer’s can be diagnosed in several different ways, including cognitive test and lab tests. You can read more in this article by Mayo Clinic.

- How is Alzheimer’s diagnosed: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alzheimers-disease/in-depth/alzheimers/art-20048075

Knowing what type of dementia your husband has can be helpful to understand better and to know what to expect. Has he been diagnosed?

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Hugs back to you. I'm 71, g/f is 75, btw.

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@janet7

I am so sorry to hear about your girlfriend’s behavior and I can relate to Will acting like my son or child. I know he is very sensitive and has feelings of being abandoned and won’t go to any institution, and I want to take care of him at home. If his memory got very bad and he didn’t know what was going on, I might consider an institution, for his sake as well as mine.
You are fortunate to have family near you to help you out. We have no one in either family to help us. They offer money, but we need their love and being involved as much as they can be, to our situation.
So sad when family or friends just don’t seem to care.

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We caregivers for loved ones with dementia all face the possibility of our loved ones not knowing who we are someday. My sister-in-law's mother had a vascular dementia. My s-i-l went to see her faithfully everyday when her mom was in a memory unit at a nursing home. She said her mom thought of her as that nice lady who visited her everyday. Another friend reported a similar experience with her mother.

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@tsc

We caregivers for loved ones with dementia all face the possibility of our loved ones not knowing who we are someday. My sister-in-law's mother had a vascular dementia. My s-i-l went to see her faithfully everyday when her mom was in a memory unit at a nursing home. She said her mom thought of her as that nice lady who visited her everyday. Another friend reported a similar experience with her mother.

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I guess we will find out one day. I heard a true story from a friend of mine. She said she her Mom and her sister never got along, and then her Mom got Alzheimer’s and they got along with each other very well.

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@colleenyoung

Yes, Janet. Alzheimer’s can be diagnosed in several different ways, including cognitive test and lab tests. You can read more in this article by Mayo Clinic.

- How is Alzheimer’s diagnosed: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alzheimers-disease/in-depth/alzheimers/art-20048075

Knowing what type of dementia your husband has can be helpful to understand better and to know what to expect. Has he been diagnosed?

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Yes, several years ago a Neurologist took an MRI and saw 2 areas in his brain that were mini-strokes. He diagnosed Will with vascular Dementia. Previous to that, Will had surgery to replace a heart valve and after that he had the strokes. His mother also had Vascular Dementia because of high blood pressure.
She didn’t know anyone after awhile and said her mother was coming to be with her for lunch. Probably it was her daughter.

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@colleenyoung

Yes, Janet. Alzheimer’s can be diagnosed in several different ways, including cognitive test and lab tests. You can read more in this article by Mayo Clinic.

- How is Alzheimer’s diagnosed: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alzheimers-disease/in-depth/alzheimers/art-20048075

Knowing what type of dementia your husband has can be helpful to understand better and to know what to expect. Has he been diagnosed?

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Thank you for the article about Alzheimer’s Disease. We are going to a Generic physician and have another MRI to see if there is a difference from the last one. We were just going to get these visits when Will had to have a Pacemaker that he is now recovering from. But we will have these tests done.

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