How about a laugh, (hopefully)

I should try my meds wrapped in cheese!

St. Peter conducts a census in heaven and realises someone is missing.

So he goes to the computer and realises that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell. He get’s on the phone to the Devil

St. Peter: So, Devil, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?

Devil: Bob? No way. Not going to. Since he has been down here he fixed the aircons, the plumbing and basically everything that was wrong with hell. We are living in paradise down here thanks to Bob. And at the fraction of the cost. Would you believe he found a way to power everything using thermodynamics? No way am I sending him up.

St. Peter: Well this is highly irregular. You leave me no choice. I will have to sue.
Devil (laughing diabolically): Sue? Where do you suppose you’ll find a lawyer?

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch

Obligatory Churchill quote, aka the best comeback of all time:

Lady Astor: "If you were my husband, I'd put arsenic in your tea!"
Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be Hell

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?

We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

(Sounds fair to me)
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Why do men like smart women?

Opposites attract.

(I think they got that backwards)
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How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
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What did God say after creating man?

I can do so much better.
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What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?

Any place without a drive-up window.
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How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
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What should you give a man who has everything?

A woman to show him how to work it.
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What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?

Telling you his real name.
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What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?

Put the remote control between his toes.
(That might work if the wife isn’t home)

Funny!

Guys I need your help.
I’m in the middle of an argument with my wife and she just told me that I’m right.
Now what do I do next.

Whoa! That’s uncharted territory for you!! Make sure you hold onto something sturdy, take deep breaths and roll with the glory on that one. If you really want to live on the edge, you could drop in an “I told ya so!”
But enjoy the moment, it’s probably a one-off situation. 😂

Jake the Man! Give her a hug and a piece of that chocolate you always keep around 🙃