Suicide: Finding it hard to lose someone by suicide

@mikaylar, you are not alone. You'll notice that I moved your message about being in denial about your brother's suicide to this existing discussion
- – Suicide: Finding it hard to lose someone by suicide https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/suicide-1/

I did this so you can connect with others like @georgette12 @anndomico @parus @hopeful33250 @mcmurf2 @sheridonaldson @amazingteal @grannydee and more who understand your broken heart and how difficult coping with loss by suicide is.

I know for your earlier post (https://connect.mayoclinic.org/comment/665574/) that you dearly loved your brother. I encourage to read through the past messages and to continue to share how you are doing. I'll repeat - you're not alone and members are here to listen and hold space with you.
Sending you a gentle virtual hug.

@georgette12 I lost my brother over 30 years ago to suicide. I know that my mother feels guilty as well. However, having been suicidal myself, I understood my brother. I have tried to explain to my mother many times that it was NOT her fault. When you are suicidal, unfortunately the last thing you want to do is speak to anyone. You are absolutely convinced that nothing will ever get better & that everyone would be better off without you. I'm not saying that it's a rational argument, but that is how it feels.

@parus @georgette12 @anndomico

Would any of you like to share some of the feelings you experienced after the suicide of your friend/loved one and speak to how you came to acceptance and/or moving through this experience?

@kmj1967, it's insightful to hear your experience from all sides, having lost your brother to suicide, feeling suicidal yourself at time and also witnessing your mother's loss and guilt.

I worry about not seeing the signs of a family member who may be pulling away because they feel like nothing will ever get better and that they may be thinking of ending their life. What helps you? What tips would you offer to me to connect with a family member when they seem to be pulling away?

There isn't any power that would alter the love we have for our dear son, though I know in my heart the grief of wanting to look into his eyes and hear his laughter is powerfully waiting. This loss is only something temporarily suspended in time. I know without a shadow of a doubt we will once again see him and smile together in heaven. I have this hope and there aren't any holes in the ship we sail on it will not sink. It remains afloat even in the misty-eyed storms of life. This is my solace, a reality in the garden of my soul. Heaven is as real as the fragrance of a rose and as magnificent as a mountain range.
My sweet wife lights a candle to Michael at bedtime and speaks a prayer to the heavens. There are powerful reminders of his life here on earth like the music he embraced and the forests he so much loved to walk. My wife still has the tee shirt he wore - unwashed - and his scent is a reminder that brings her closer to the eternity that lies ahead.
I would say to those who are temporarily separated from a loved one to shower your despair with hope like a gentle rain - for the sun will one day shine bright as the smiles and tears of joy we greet them with in the blessed reunion.
God bless all with strength of spirt

There isn't any power that would alter the love we have for our dear son, though I know in my heart the grief of wanting to look into his eyes and hear his laughter is powerfully waiting. This loss is only something temporarily suspended in time. I know without a shadow of a doubt we will once again see him and smile together in heaven. I have this hope and there aren't any holes in the ship we sail on it will not sink. It remains afloat even in the misty-eyed storms of life. This is my solace, a reality in the garden of my soul. Heaven is as real as the fragrance of a rose and as magnificent as a mountain range.
My sweet wife lights a candle to Michael at bedtime and speaks a prayer to the heavens. There are powerful reminders of his life here on earth like the music he embraced and the forests he so much loved to walk. My wife still has the tee shirt he wore - unwashed - and his scent is a reminder that brings her closer to the eternity that lies ahead.
I would say to those who are temporarily separated from a loved one to shower your despair with hope like a gentle rain - for the sun will one day shine bright as the smiles and tears of joy we greet them with in the blessed reunion.
God bless all with strength of spirt

@georgette12 I lost my brother over 30 years ago to suicide. I know that my mother feels guilty as well. However, having been suicidal myself, I understood my brother. I have tried to explain to my mother many times that it was NOT her fault. When you are suicidal, unfortunately the last thing you want to do is speak to anyone. You are absolutely convinced that nothing will ever get better & that everyone would be better off without you. I'm not saying that it's a rational argument, but that is how it feels.

Bless you. I lost my oldest brother to suicide. My pain is not how he died, the pain is from the fact that he died. He was and even to this day my favorite person.

Well I have suffered from depression and suicide attempts. I can tell you that I didn't want to die I just wanted the emotional pain to stop. There's nothing my family could of done to stop me. It was my choice. When you are that depressed you are not thinking clearly. You are in the dark and can't find your way out. I don't want you to feel guilty, it's ok and normal and perfectly understandable. I hope this helps. I hope you can find peace i have no doubt your son loved you getting much. Ultimately I decided to save myself. I didn't want to die. I received therapy and it's taken years to build my life back to where I can feel hopeful but it tore my family apart and I've lost relationships so it still affects my life. Hope you can find comfort and peace

Here is some information from the Survivors of Suicide website, https://elunanetwork.org/resources/survivors-of-suicide-sos-group-finder/, that I thought might be helpful to you. I realized that all losses due to death are overwhelming but that loss to suicide must carry an extra burden of grief.
After you read this short excerpt could you share something about your own personal experience? For example, can you share in what way a grief counselor was helpful to you? How did friends and family react to your loss? Was it different than a more natural death? Please share as you are comfortable doing so.

"When you have experienced the death of a family member or loved one by suicide you can feel overwhelmed, desperately sad, lonely, angry, confused, guilty and somehow responsible. You may also discover that friends, co-workers and other family members don’t always know what to say or how to be supportive and comforting. We know that the bereavement associated with a suicide death is different than other deaths; there is the suddenness of the death and there is often no easy – or clear – explanation as to why suicide was seen as a choice.

It is always important to get help in the aftermath of suicide death. That help might be from a therapist who specializes in grief and loss; it might be through a support group specifically designed for individuals who are dealing with the loss of a loved one to suicide. Survivor of Suicide (SOS) groups can help participants feel less alone and understood by others who have experienced a loss to suicide. “Being with understanding others helps me try to figure out where I am, where I was, and where I might be headed in this process.”