Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Julie @billchitwood, this must be very worrisome. Some tips shared in this related discussion might help.
Phone Scam Worries https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/phone-scam-worries/

I'm also bringing in other members like @joancampy @debbraw @rgalitis @kaynannet @klaken @monessa @jen26 and others to offer their thoughts and advice.

Julie, you can go into the browser setting on his computer and delete the saved credit card information. If you don't know how to do that, perhaps one of your children could do it for you. Or I can send instructions.

I worry about you too. Have you looked into resources for respite care?

Hi Collen, I found you again after many years.you assigned me to Fibromyalgia groups and now need to preregister for Dementia and caregiving. Do I need to create a handle name? Pls email me and tell me how to get started again. Desperate and very sad
Thank you. I used to sign on as victorious. Help.

Welcome back, @virtuous69! You have signed in successfully and are now following the Caregivers: Dementia group. No need to create a new handle. Are you caregiving for someone living with dementia?

I feel for you! Difficult and scary to manage it all.

I suggest a few steps you can take.

Completely agree that the credit card numbers should be removed from his computer.

If he has a phone, disable Apple Pay.

Immediately freeze his credit and your credit by reaching out to the three credit bureaus. I’ll say best to do it online for both of you.

Many banks now offer credit cards where you can control the spending limit. You can limit it.

Or you can go into each credit card’s website and deactivate the credit card. You can always reactivate if needed. I do suggest you do not close the credit card.

If he is active on social media, you can restrict who corresponds with him.

Be careful of the sites he is going to. Make sure your computer has virus and malware protection. If anything personal is stored on the computer or email or the sites he is going to, that data could be at risk.

Sorry so many things that might be overwhelming. Please let me know if I can be if service to you. My mom went through this but luckily this period didn’t last long and I was able to undo what actions she did take.

Be well
Renee

Hello, @rgalitis I had a related problem with my wife, except she was using catalogs and calling in. I contacted our credit card company and had the limit on her card cut down to $150. I worried a lot less about it getting hijacked at that lower level and it kept her spending in check. When something wouldn't go through I'd blame myself for just having mailed our payment.

For us, at least, this worked very well.

Strength, courage, & Peace

Son In Law suggested setting his computer back to factory settings. However Bill writes a blog and has quite a few followers. He loves doing this and it is one of the things he can still manage (eventually after fighting with his computer a lot). And one of the complaints he has is his keyboard is too small. He lives in his lift recliner - one of the problems he had with a larger computer is that he destroyed wires (and he insists on keeping it plugged in even if fully charged!). Whatever computer he gets he won't be happy with! Now he is talking about needing a really expensive one. I keep trying to distract him, etc. Almost like dancing in a den of Cobras! And some days the fates throw in a few rattlers just to be sure I'm on my toes lol.

lol… I can relate! I’m 84, caregiver for hysband 92.. in 5th hospice! (Another story!) but I live in my lift recliner next to his adjustable bed! I too have fights with my iPhone 11.. it even cuts off conversations on phone!!! ( fully charged) I’m in good shape mentally and fair at tecnology.. but I understand your husbands issues! Maddening!! Best of luck.. maybe one of those simple sr. Phones..

We have had a lot of help from an elder care attorney. I have new bank accounts, the house, cars, etc. placed in my name only. We did leave small amounts of money in our old accounts so that he has access to some funds. He does not spend money in crazy ways, he never has. However, we have family members that would take advantage so I have placed restrictions on credit cards (we only have two), gotten new replacement cards so old ones don't work , and monitor everyday our accounts. He cannot shift $ out of retirement accounts and we are in the process of setting up a trust incase something happens to me. The purpose of a trust is to insure that if I die first, no one can have free access to our money - it must be used solely for his care as long as he is alive. The type and quality of care is specific. While you may not have all of these concerns, an elder care attorney can be quite helpful. I relax a lot more knowing that all we worked so hard for is protected from scammers amd from others. Take care! This is truly an unending emotional roller coaster.....

This issue is troubling for me too... and I'm confident for many other as well. My wife is still in a relatively early stage of the disease process, and not easy to distract. She's always taken care of the bills, but recently recognized it's time to pass this task on to me... a job I've always hated to do... always enjoyed my hobbies so much more than having to mess with boring household finances. ;>)

Last year we drafted and put in place a power of attorney. I then established alerts on all our credit cards, and keep an eye on balances, and individual charges. Also simplified much of how she would keep track of payments by using autopay on several accounts... which avoids the possibility of late fees.

But still I worry that she'll find a way to get through some of these precautions. We just have to be as vigilant as we can. Next month I'll be joining a local men's support group and will pick their brains for additional ideas. And further down the road, I know we'll be consulting an elder attorney.

Wish everyone dealing with this prob the best of luck. I know it's a toughie!

Bill loves doing his blogs. But every day with the computer gets worse. He gets angry when I can't help him but he can't explain what he is trying to do. And even if he can he can't remember what I told him minutes later. He confuses his desktop with google; sites with computer programs. If I write down instructions he still can't or won't follow them.

I know he needs to be able to do his blogs as it is something he is still good at writing, but Lord help me, I dread seeing him reaching for his computer.

His solution still is to buy a new computer (he thinks he already has a new one but wants to trade it in).

He has also had a problem with his Hearing Aids/TV streamer this morning. I can't tell if it is the user or the remote. And even more problems with the TV remote. Good thing I don't mind a movie going back to the beginning a few times during watching it!

At least he hasn't mentioned driving again after about a week of that. I've hidden the car keys just in case. Latest thing that he could do but now having problems with is the toaster. He does stay away from microwave, range and oven - thank heavens. Mainly because I've always been the one to do the cooking so it isn't something that he is used to doing.
A lot of 'tongue biting' on my part lol.