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Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?
My mother-in-law (MIL) had what was finally determined to be frontal temporal dementia. She had the disease from her 60s until she passed away at 86. My wife was especially involved in her mom's caregiving due to some serious denial in other family members and a GP who refused to diagnose, even when significant deficits were obvious (mistaking the UPS deliveryman for her husband and not knowing the difference between roads and sidewalks). The most unfortunate result of this, to me, was the lost time when my MIL and her family could have been having meaningful and important discussions about significant matters of importance to her and them.
In my wife's years of fighting her brain cancer, she, too, exhibited many of the aspects of mental degradation and physical losses one would affiliate with a dementia patient.
As an aside, for several years I worked for the national Alzheimer's Association raising money for their research programs nationwide.
I wish everyone struggling with this disease and their caregivers and families strength and peace.
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Thank you for that wonderful reminder, @amberrose.
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2 ReactionsLately Bill has been waking me up in the middle of the night - pushing at me and then asking if I'm awake. He will then go back to sleep while I stay awake. Last night he was very restless in bed in the middle of the night - turns out he was having a very disturbing nightmare (both up early). Then he got into a very grumpy mood this morning. Fortunately around noontime he came out of it and things back to normal - or as normal as they get. Also lately he keeps saying he is dying. He is in stage 3b CKD and turning 89 this April. But he does do the drama bit so over the years I have to admit I sort of ignore things. Which worries me as one of these days it could be something serious and I might not catch it. (If he gets a leg cramp he will scream like he is being murdered - nerve-wracking in the middle of the night!
He has wanted to get into the finances - which has been major problems previously. Hoping he will forget. If he doesn't I am not sure if I should gently let him know that his mind isn't as sharp as it was. He does admit he is forgetting things and having problems with technical items. Last night he asked me to walk him through how to turn off the TV with the remote.
Just one of those days - he caught me sweeping up leaves and got mad because I didn't do a perfect job so he is going to have to hire someone.
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2 ReactionsAt least your husband is acknowledging that he is having some problems with his memory and is asking for your help. Dementia makes a caregiver adjust to each situation on an hour to hour basis. Just remember, he is not having cognitive problems on purpose, He is just not the same person he used to be and unfortunately, it makes you have to adjust and have a healthy mind set.
Love and understanding is the best medicine he can get right now.
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2 ReactionsSo very true...when my mom does “things” that are out of character...I know it is the disease...I remember the good times and just deal with the present times...it’s hard but my mantra is patience, compassion, love. Courage on your journey.
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5 ReactionsMy mantra helps throughout the day. Calm, patient, kind
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6 ReactionsThat is a wonderful mantra, but as the caregiver of a husband with Parkinson's dementia, I can say that the only thing I ever did that was as hard as dealing with him was working my way through nursing school. It was unending anxiety. The worst part was the anger he felt towards me because he didn't understand what was happening to him. I was able to keep him home and he died at 80.
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3 ReactionsThe anger is truly awful. My husband has MCI. He was misdiagnosed with Lewy Body due to hallucinations (which were caused by UTI) and stopped once the infection abated. He told the nurse that he knew we were just throwing him away. I care for him at home.
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3 ReactionsI agree, @graymare When my wife would have bouts of anger, those were some of the harder times for me. Not only would she lash out at me, but often she'd tell her hospice nurses I was being terrible to her because she knew they'd question the heck out of me about her allegations. I'd always tell myself that was her disease talking and not her but at times that was scant comfort. It was those times that led me to keep a pillow on the sofa so I could cry into it without her hearing me.
I hope today is a good one for you, your husband, and that the sun is shining on you.
Strength, Courage, & Peace
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4 ReactionsIt was so very hard, I sympathize with you.
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1 ReactionMy husband passed away last month from Alzheimer’s. The thing that will stick in my mind for the rest of my days happened a month before he died. He had been put on trazodone to help him sleep. But the first three nights he was on it had the exact opposite effect - he was up most if not all night, wandering around the house. On the third night, he was in the bathroom, where he actually zipped the commode lid off and then wanted to remove the tank lid. I feared he would drop it and it would break and I had to physically block him from it. At some point during this, I had had it. I lost sight of the fact that he was not doing this to make me mad. And that’s when I screamed, “I hate you!” It was the reaction of a child mad at her mother because she won’t let her have a piece of candy, not an adult. Now I have to live with this.
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