Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?

Hello @nanal You have taken on a very difficult, but rewarding job. Does your mother live with you? Do you have siblings who help or is it just you?
Dementia - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic
Maybe @lindakbe and @IndianaScott can join this discussion. And also @pstut .
Do you know what type of dementia your mother has and what the doctor’s recommendations are?

My husband is having more and more cognitive problems - no official diagnose yet but the diminishing ability to be able to do things and remember things. He is having an especially difficult time with technical items - computer, remotes, hearing aids, etc. He loves writing and is still very good at it so I don't want to take his computer away from him. But he goes to dangerous sites - has become a victim of scams, etc. He also gets very angry when the computer doesn't work as he wants (according to him Dell is sabotaging him). I know the ability to write his blogs and stories help his mental attitude so try and help de-bug his computer as much as possible.

He stays in his recliner from the moment he gets up in the morning until bedtime (except for a lot of potty runs). Very weak physically, except when he grabs me! Strong hands. He weighs about 200 pounds now - lost weight - and I'm under 110. At age 88 he also has Stage 3b of CKD.

He is also good at hiding problems from doctor and other people. Sometimes I think I'm seeing things!

Julie, I'm so glad you found your way over to the Caregivers: Dementia group. I can see you want to learn more about supporting husband as he faces cognitive issues and the challenges of declining ability and increasing frustration with the technical tools like hearing aids, remote controls, computers etc. Allow me to introduce you to a few members here like @teacher502 @rudie @debbraw @tsc @jen26 @jimmars51 @fwentz @tunared to name a few fellow caregivers.

Julie, you mention that he is good at hiding things from doctors. Has he been assessed for mild cognitive impairment? Do other family members or friends notice changes?

Hi Julie! Hope today brings you some happy, cherished moments. I don't have a lot of time right now, but did want to comment on hiding things from others. I used to see so many things that were not right, would schedule doctor appointments and he would act unbelievably normal. I began to think I was crazy and others in the family accused me of exaggerating his symptoms. But time tells all and eventually others saw what I was seeing to include the doctors. There is a term called "showtiming" where the patient uses lots of energy to appear as normal as possible for specific situations. Then after the event is over, there is usually a period of exhaustion amd rest is needed. Understanding this was life changing for me and for others. I work to keep the environment consistent as much as possible. Hope this helps am6d welcome to this very special group!

Julie, I'm glad to meet you here. I think you will get many good ideas from others here, some of which might click with you and be of help to you in your caregiving role.
My wife would often appear to "hide" things. But instead she was doing what she had always done, put things away in a safe place. We often ended up on a "treasure hunt". When things weren't where they belonged, we realized they could be anywhere (on a high shelf, under the bed, in a closet, in a drawer in a chest). It was very exasperating for me, her caregiver. It helped for me to remember that she wasn't doing it on purpose.
You probably have already done this but just in case, I strongly recommend having a neurologist do a number of tests to see if the situation may be treatable. The tests can rule out vitamin deficiencies, thyroid problems, depression, and many other things. Then the focus can be on trying to get a more clear diagnosis of the condition.
My last thought is that I hope you take good care of yourself. Doing that will be an important thing you can do for your loved one.
Frank

Thanks everyone for the support and wonderful suggestions. Showtime hit home! Dr N had Home Heath come - when they were here he was wonderful (other than choking several times on pills) - they released him. I asked him if he was lying to me or to them and he admitted he was lying to them as he didn't want people coming to the house.

He has Stage 3b kidney, plus several other health issues - some under control with medication. He hasn't been tested formally. Family does understand the problem, which is a major support. Our one granddaughter was shocked when he couldn't remember her sisters name (one of his favorites).

He has also admitted to the kids that he isn't doing well with phone calls - forgets what he is talking about.

At one point Bill did acting in commercials, play, etc. So is really good on putting on a show. Then, as mentioned, he is completely exhausted and can't even talk.

Lately I've been carrying in his pills for him as he keeps dropping them - then we play find the pill on the floor, trapped in his chair, or along his route to his recliner.

Dr N would like to put him on Medicare's Palliative care as he suspected all that Bill is hiding from him. But he need documentation. Bill has stated he doesn't want extreme measures to keep him alive. No dialysis. He turns 89 in April. So basically what the family and I are trying to do is keep him comfortable - and keep my sanity! Do have a daughter 6 miles away and she went through this with her husband before he died.

When Bill and I moved back to AZ from KY end of 2019 - she took over driving us around as she explained traffic had changed so much. So she was his chauffeur, which he got a kick out of. Then it was easy for me to have driving duties transferred to me when she had to go back to in-school teaching. He will occasionally mention he can drive or drive himself to an appointment but gives over to me. He scared himself the first time on the Phoenix freeway systems - and we got lost. I tend to use surface streets (no hurry at our age) and at 81 my reactions aren't as fast as in my early ages. I figure other drivers would just as soon have me off the freeways! I have control of his license (in my purse) and the car keys.

He has an eye doctor appointment coming up and I'm tempted to cancel it - he won't grasp the doctor's directions (a year ago he got new glasses but said they weren't any good). Same problem with hearing aids - keeps wanting to buy new ones online! At this point there really isn't anything they can do to help his eyes - I don't believe. Any suggestions? Many thanks. Julie

Hi Julie, you must be exhausted trying to keep on top of what your husband is doing. When I noticed changes in my husband, mainly his use of words and withdrawal from social activities he used to enjoy, I started keeping notes which I sent to our Primary Care Physician with my husband's agreement. That led to memory tests, an MRI and neuropsychological testing resulting in a diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease. This came a year after I noted the changes. My husband was in sales and he thought he could talk and charm his way out of the neuropsychological testing, but it didn't work. He's been generally easygoing and cooperative with letting me assume all of his former responsibilities running our household. Our neurologist recommended he stop driving when he could draw a clock, but was unable to draw the time on the clock, 10 to 11, I think. You mentioned that your husband is generally weak, but strong when he grabs you, but didn't put it in context. Does he get abusive or angry with you? The Alzheimer's Association has a helpline 24/7 that I have heard is very good from friends - 1-800-272-3900. My thoughts are with you and I wish you the best as you make your way through this.

He will grab my arm to pull me down to give me a kiss or hug - doesn't realize he is pulling me off balance and grabbing too hard.

For most of our married life he has let me do all the finances (my Dad was an accountant) and basically run the household. We have a wonderful blended family and all the kids use me as their sounding board. Especially when he was going through an 'angry' phase. Now on medication for that!

He was also in sales as well as doing commercials, etc.

I type up notes for our doctor.

He has been having fun with my 'research' and doing check-ups on him (blood pressure, oxygen, Kardia, etc.) Sort of like a kid.

He has had problem drawing a clock the few times I had him do it. Dr N hasn't had him draw one. Might this time.

Have a great weekend.

I'm relieved to hear he's grabbing you affectionately and hope it's not too hard to cause injury. ou have a good weekend as well.

Wonderful site to share your journey … and it is quite a journey! Mine has come to an end after ten long years of slow progression; but, I want to share with all of you how important it is to simply appreciate the little moments of love and clear thinking you do receive from them.
The frustration you have from being their caregiver is nothing like the void felt after their passing. Take care of yourself and treasure the beautiful moments you still have to share with each other!❤️