Grief in Times of Celebration: The Empty Spot

After my husband passed in March this year, I returned to volunteer service through a local civic club. I put into practice the suggestion to "Do only as much as are able or want to do." Feeling the pressure of doing club activities for the holidays, I bowed out of activities and the club meeting in December. It was too much for me to handle both emotionally and psychologically. At first I felt very guilty because I know we help very deserving people in the community. I've been stressing over how to afford house repairs and pay off medical bills. It became more important for me to take care of my mental health and grief process and learn to say no this time.

I recently found this image that helped me better understand grief. (image credit to Karen Gibbs https://karengibbs.com.au/growing-with-grief/)

So often people say it will shrink or fade with time. That felt like that was adding loss to loss for me. I didn't want my loved one to shrink or fade, nor did I want our love to lessen in my heart. I much rather envision the love (and therefore grief) staying the same, but that I give myself permission to continue to gather life and love experiences that give me additional cushion and space around the sadness of grief.

Does that make sense?

I lost my father when I was young I am now 66. I remember him well. Time puts other thoughts in the fore, but you will always love and not forget.
Isaiah 25:8 is a promise that will happen when soon Jehovah takes back full sovereignty. Satan’s challenge will soon be finished. You can see your loved again.

Thank you, Gail. What memory do you like to recall about your father at this time of year?

This is my first Christmas without my husband. Although he had Dementia for years I was a caregiver. Filling that void of always making sure he was well cared for was in my thought daily! For 9 Months my life has been calmer and more peaceful. I have filled my days with helping other and giving to other. This is where I find great joy! Many people I have reached out to are total strangers, like the homeless! I want to make their live a little better, even if it for only a few minutes!
My mantra has been, learn to listen! You can find answers, in being alone and just listening to others! Just take the time.
Merry Christmas to all! Thanks for being here for all of us♥️

I’m with all of you that recommend helping out someone else…that is the biggest help in my experience. We lived far away from family for 40+ years. We have wonderful memories of family journeys during the holidays and always celebrated with others that we met along the way. Helping others was always key to lifting my spirits. It still does now that I’m retired.
Now I have even more time to invest in the lives of others. Its single best thing I’ve ever done to mitigate sadness in my life.

It makes wonderful sense and you have just inspired me. Thank you!

@colleenyoung Yes, that makes perfect sense!

The word picture of " I give myself permission to continue to gather life and love experiences that give me additional cushion and space around the sadness of grief" is absolutely amazing!

Thanks, Colleen, for this great Christmas gift to those of us who miss those who have passed on.

I love this post so much🎄

Mikaylar, may I ask how my post has inspired you? Have you recently lost someone close to you?