Adults On The Autism Spectrum

Thank you so much for responding and for contributing to my understanding of this complex topic. Everything is nuanced and sometimes I jump from step A to step C.

My husband, too, sympathizes strongly to the pain others feel…if he has ever felt something remotely similar himself. Otherwise he says, shrugging his shoulders, I just don’t get it. That’s OK. There are a lot of things that I don’t get. But now I can stop being disappointed that he just doesn’t feel Things that are remote to his own experiences. It does not mean he doesn’t care about me. And, That doesn’t keep him from sympathizing with the pain sees me going through.

Thank you.

Dogs can open up a person with autism but in general they impact people with sensory issues. And like with children, just because you had one doesn't mean you're willing and able to handle another. Dogs and children both create chaos and messes. A yappy dog is a torture from hell. Hair can be felt on surfaces, especially bed, the smell of their foods.
Accidents when new to household, destruction of cherished item (I literally came minutes away from grabbing and drowning the weasely runt of our service dog's surprise litter, when at 5 months squeezed into vent to go to forbidden room where she tore open boxes and chewed photos and a cherished at by my daughter.) They can be rude.
I OCD vacuum 3x a day, vacuum my all my clothes in closet. Have zap collars, baby wipes at door.

My X and I are both on spectrum, but he had habit of bringing things home then dumping them on me for the next shiny. Often things that were alive

You don't mention if spaniel was unilaterally or joint previously, or a gift. Obviously with length of marriage not grandfathered in. Situation.. ie., my x let me keep a pommie gifted after our first son died though he hated toy dogs. I was home alone all day and he was working/commuting 5/12 so wasn't in proximity. He got rid of him 18 months later while I was convalescing at his mother's pregnant with our daughter. He would feed and play but who didn't know he hated him except me?

The gift thing.... I love gifting thoughtfully selected things. My x and his father hated it. My mother and her father hated it. And one of my sons. 4 didn't like birthday blowouts,

PS My son absolutely had no interest or liking for dogs for 3 years after his second service dog died of Valley Fever at age 4. Even hayed them until he saw the current amiable corgi mix

I am so thankful to hear your point of view. You help me understand some things. It seems that dog barking is particularly annoying to my husband, as are the leaf blower‘s working throughout our neighborhood. Only recently how I begin to understand it might be the quality of sound that is so unacceptable to him. I did have the two dogs from a previous marriage, but my husband doesn’t like any dogs, so I don’t think jealousy was at the root of it.

Your writing here Helps me to try to remember that my point of view on dogs is not the Only point of view. My opinion still matters, but it’s not the only one.

Member Spotlights feature interviews with fellow Mayo Clinic Connect members. It's an opportunity to learn more about members you’ve connected with and some you haven’t met yet.

I know many of you in the Autism group have exchanged posts with auntieoakley, so I thought you'd like to see today's featured Spotlight:
- I shall pass this way but once: Meet @auntieoakley https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/about-connect/newsfeed-post/i-shall-pass-this-way-but-once-meet-auntieoakley/

Nominate a member to be featured. See more Member Spotlights here https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/about-connect/tab/newsfeed/

I am raising my 10 year old granddaughter. I have experienced the extreme meltdowns and aggressive posturing beginning at age 8. She is not on autistic spectrum and has just started working with a therapist. I am concerned with introducing drug therapy. Thank you for sharing your son's positive experience with Prozac. It helps ease my anxst should meds be discussed further down the road with behavior therapy.
Pem

Questions!

I have a husband who has something. Yes , most wives out here are rolling eyes and saying ALL husbands have irritating qualities and things they do , habits etc.. but its more than that. He is a great guy, smart though tends to dumb himself down around others. Sometimes I just think its adult ADD but not sure.
He was socially awkward, shy etc when we met in college. Once he knows you that is better and he has improved over the years , mostly due to staying in the same environment with little changes and around the same people. He likes to find his comfy rut and stay there. I am opposite in most ways so there is a clash.

when idle he doesnt stand still, he sways or rocks a little, fidgets, misses social cues, has the attention of a gnat and memory even worse. So far no Neurological testing has revealed a specific cause like stroke, damage etc..
He is scheduled for Neuropsychological testing and eval but I am wondering if this will even be an appropriate avenue or if they will simply slap ADD on him and push him out the door.

He is 57. We have been married 30 years. The only reason it matters at this point is that with proper diagnosis maybe he can understand himself better and work on things to help whatever anxiety he has or have some personal growth and we also have one child who has gotten themselves diagnosed as an adult with ADD but we have always felt it fit a Spectrum disorder more. There just wasnt a good place to get an evaluation done when they needed it. So knowing his diagnosis could end up helping our adult child as well.

But how where are good places to explore this possibility and testing?

Who specializes in this in adults?

@wisfamily Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I see you have been a member for a while.

Each person is different, whether they are on the spectrum, or not. We each have our reactions and responses to situations.

You are asking about how to explore the possibility your husband may be on the autism spectrum. I was formally diagnosed as an adult, with Aspergers Syndrome. Looking back, it has helped me make so much sense of things that happened to me and around me, and how I view the world.

From Cleveland Clinic, here is a link to talking about autism and the diagnosis in adults: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/adult-autism-diagnosis/
From the Asperger/Autism Network is this article https://www.aane.org/resources/adults/aspergerautism-spectrum-diagnosis-adults/
And lastly, from Autism Speaks is this article: https://www.autismspeaks.org/expert-opinion/getting-evaluated-autism-adult-where-go-who-see

Is your husband interested in being evaluated? Does he feel this would be of benefit to him? What might change if he does go through an evaluation and receives any kind of diagnosis?
Ginger

I'm glad that the school principal was an advocate for you. School experiences can be very traumatic for children on the spectrum. Our child was identified as gifted in the first grade, and transferred to the gifted magnet school. His homeroom teacher didn't think children with IEPs should be included there, and she would note all his homework was in, and he was doing fine on her notes to parents. I got notice that he had to leave the program because the majority of his homework was never handed in, he'd do his math work in pen, and didn't show his work on math problems. She'd falsified his records so she could expel him for his grades. Later we got a math tutor to teach him to show his work. He'd been doing it in his head. One teacher called him stupid, and a pinhead. There was a black student in his class that was also verbally abused in front of the other kids. By the end of a bad day he'd want to be in a room in the basement (school) wrapped in his coat. He was no behavioral problem. It was ugly, but he was too important, and I wouldn't let them just transfer him to some ED room. He went to college, he attended advanced placement classes. It was up to the teachers, and once he was put in their classes, they thought he was wonderful. He went through four years of French, but hated having to speak it in class. A tech teacher thought he'd be interested in drafting, and signed him up. He was amazing with his visual spatial skills, and it lead to him taking an interest in architecture. He now works for a company, and is in charge of computer programing, and inventory control. Many people who are searching for information that may identify them as "in the spectrum" should be aware of how they were treated in school. Unfortunately, it was a nightmare for so many kids because staff thought they were a bit odd, and policies were not in place to remove bad teachers.
I hope that adults who gain insight into their differences with experiencing being on the spectrum can volunteer to speak at schools about their good, or bad experiences. This would help so many students who can't explain things like how the noise in a school assembly is torture.

You are spot on with how you say “a bit odd” that is exactly how I was described as a youngster. Eventually I landed in advanced placement as well and things turned around for me scholastically because of one or two teachers who cared about the odd kid.
I don’t have the ability to be in a large group talking to teachers but I know several locally and one on one we have discussed this. I have discovered zoom is better, so, well, maybe.
I can’t tell you how happy I am that you persevered for your son, that really made my day to read your story.
Are you involved with a local school talking to teachers? How does that work for you?

I'm glad there were people there for you. Parents, and professionals formed a council that was very active in trying to steer the school district into some degree of compliance. The state had no category to help provide services for people who are not in the category of mentally ill, or developmentally delayed. The employee/teacher designated to help organize him finally refused to do so because other teachers were shunning her. We tried to bring in speakers to in-service easier ways of teaching kids, but the then teacher's union had to approve what topics would be chosen for any trainings, and pay for attending trainings.

Maybe some members here will recognize their mothers got a little nuts during the school year. Then there is the engineer husband. Thanks for letting me vent. It gets easier for the kids as they grow up.