Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

@IndianaScott Your last two lines say it all. @tahoerox99 There is a lot of wisdom in Scott's post.

I was involved in probate court proceedings and saw how families can be left with no clear idea what direction to take, what to do. If a person has specifics, having things down in writing will make the grieving process easier. And in my father's case, he had things expressed, in writing, but some were not as detailed as he was wont to do, which left interpretations by family members. Those interpretations were not always the same!

We do not always have the opportunity to pick our "expiration date", but we do have the choice to be prepared.
Ginger

I have my funeral planned. Pallbearers, servers, reader, musician , soloist, songs, and readings. Took me weeks but love everything I picked out. My mother had her’s planned for us and really made it easy. Siblings are happy as I gave a copy to one. Feel no guilt.

My Mom did the same, even making a list of prized possessions and who would get each one, as well as listing her music, presider, etc for the funeral. The funeral director was in awe - he said he never saw a large family so much in agreement about how everything was handled.

My friend just passed after less than 3 weeks in hospice, but as soon as he made the decision, he and his wife called their kids together and did all the planning the very first weekend. This not only included planning his funeral, but also his final care, at home. He also asked to see his sister, brother-in-law and nieces to say good-bye in person, and a few close friends. Then he went on to address other things he was concerned about - who would get his extensive collection of tools, making sure there was a plan to help his wife continue to spend her winters down South, etc.
These first weeks since his death have been much easier for the family, knowing everything was done "how Dad wants it."

This is a wonderful gift to loved ones.
Sue

I don't think it's bizarre at all. I think about it all the time too. I think about what my last days will be like; how will I die? Will I be awake as I suffocate, I live alone so what will happen to me when things get really bad, how do I get rid of my household items. I've just found out I have COPD and I haven't even seen the pulmonologist yet to get info on this disease. This group has been my saving grace of getting through questions I have, listening to people like you that have the same fears I do, bless your heart. I'm scared to death of not knowing what the end will be like. I'm a Christian and I depend on The Lord for everything but I can't seem to let this fear go away. I guess it's because I have no idea what I'm facing and the unknown is always scary for me. But I love reading the comments that others have shared with you. They all give me strength and hope and they are all great ideas. I'm still not clear about being buried or being cremated. I want to be cremated but I'm not sure how The Lord feels about that. I've reached out to the Pastor and tried to find something in The Bible either for or against it and have found nothing. Same with the Pastor. So it's just up to me I guess. But in no way do I see your thoughts as bizarre. To me, they are normal thoughts that anyone would be thinking about in your situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and helping me share mine. That's why I love this group.

Grace to you.
Shirley

What happens to people like me that have a life insurance policy that wouldn't even pay for the urn? I have no estate, just a 1-bedroom apartment. I have no money to pay for cremation nor does my family. What do people do when they face this problem and where do I start to turn that around now with life insurance, IF, I can even get it now? I have things written down on who gets what but nothing is in a will. I don't even know if my credit cards have insurance on them to be paid should I die. I made some incredibly bad mistakes about my financial situation and now I'm paying for that and don't know how to correct it at this point. Any suggestions would really be appreciated.

Grace be with you,
Shirley

Great questions. You’re so wise to think about death and planning in advance. Family members may not wish to talk about because they can’t bear the thought. But when the time comes, it can bring family comfort to know they are fulfilling your wishes within your means and to not be burdened with guilt of paying more than they can afford.

It’s not easy to find unbiased information from sources that aren’t trying to sell you something. Here are a few places you can start:

National Institute on Aging:
- Getting your Affairs in Order https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/getting-your-affairs-order

AARP
- 8 Tips for Funeral Planning https://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2020/funeral-planning-tips.html

Each of these articles have more links for further reading too.

Mamawnebel, I’ll be interested to hear what you found to be useful.

Colleen, you're an angel. Thank you so very much for reaching out to me and sending me the links. I will definitely look at them and hopefully find the information I need and will definitely let you know the outcome. This is just one wonderful reason why I love this group so much. Gracious people like you have answers for people like me and are willing to share it. God bless you so richly. I can now feel better hopefully getting my affairs in order, hopefully without burdening my children. I found it comforting when my Mother asked me to help her with her final wishes. I knew she was scared and didn't know exactly what to do and didn't want to go alone. Thankfully I'm used to making my decisions alone and I don't mind that, however, I do wish my girls would take more interest, especially in the things I want them to have. But it is what it is. I'm a firm believer that The Good Lord will see that things will be taken care of through great people like you to steer me through.

Grace be with you always,
Shirley

Dearest Zoelife, oh how I love your outlook. I too am a Christian and believe as you do on our afterlife with my Savior. Even though I worry about the last moments of my life I know that my last breath here will be my first breath with The Lord and that is such a peaceful feeling. You refer to Him as your Prize. I love that and I'll remember that from now on. He's what I look forward to as well. When I can get past the fears of the unknown, there really is peace with Him. Being just diagnosed with COPD, I'm in shock and in fear of not knowing what to expect. I have a ton of questions for my Pulmonologist at my first visit, but this group has been so much help for me. I thank God I found it and found precious people like you to help me and others through the tough times. I pray God richly blesses you for being there for me and others and I pray you continue giving such a beautiful testimony for The Lord. We never know how our words may not only help the anxiety of others but also bring them to The Lord. Never stop lifting up our Savior and keep encouraging us as we all go through our disease process together.

Grace be with you always,
Shirley

Sometimes it’s the simple things. My mom and I talked about her final days, which given her (our) family genes is still a long ways off although she is in her 80s. It gives me great comfort to know that should she not be able to talk, I can give her comfort by 1) massaging her calves because she has restless leg syndrome and 2) read to her passages from the bible. I’m now equipped with knowing what to do. And on the other hand, my dear friend has let me know that I’m to swabbed her lips with tequila. That is her wish for final days. While I may not have the opportunity to administer to either, it gives me great comfort NOW to know what I should do when the time comes.

I hope your children may be able to embrace the power of such knowledge. Or perhaps a friend.

Lori, OMGosh, I love all of the great suggestions you gave to Olgamarie. Seems like some of the most simplest ideas are the last ones we think about. The hardest thing I've found is getting my children to talk with me about my COPD. They act as though nothing is wrong and I'm not good when it comes to asking for help from them because they have their family to take care of and they work full time jobs. I don't like to impose myself on them. I've tried dropping hints but they don't take hints either. I guess it's like others have said, as long as I'm sitting up and eating whole foods I must be OK. But I do try as much as I can without outside help. I don't want to use up all my "help chips" until the time comes when I can't sit up and do things by myself. But I will definitely be doing the things you suggested like getting rid of things I don't really use or need now. The things I was going to give to my family after i pass I can give to them now. It's gracious people like you why I love this group so much. So many great ideas on how to live with our diseases or just words of encouragement can be so helpful for the soul. God bless you, Lori, and thank you for the advice and suggestions you gave to Lori. They even helped me and I hope they helped others too. Have a great day and be at peace.

Shirley