Is yelling and over-talking a part of dementia?

Posted by maryflorida @maryflorida, Dec 23, 2020

His doctor said he has early onset dementia. Normally he is very pleasant, but about once a month, he answers a my question (not an angry one) with a tirade of "explanation" which is loud and overtalking me, lasting for maybe 10 min. Sometimes I leave, but I can't always if it is late at night. This last time I got angry back, which is scary and not part of my personality. We live far from our children so I have no one nearby. My question is: is yelling and overtalking a part of dementia?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

jal333 | @jal333 | Jul 8, 2021

In reply to @fredflorida "Not much." + (show)

Do you have a therapist who can help you as you navigate this journey? It can help.

teacher502 | @teacher502 | Jul 8, 2021

In reply to @becsbuddy "A really wonderful post @larryh123 I’m so glad Colleen asked you to be a mentor! Becky" + (show)

This is one of the best articles/posts/ letters I have seen on this diagnosis. My husband was diagnosed at age 64, but because we had had so many different doctors not familiar with LBD he was probably a few years into this disease at that point.
You gave me clarity on things I was doing right, and great suggestions on things I can do differently to be a better helper to this man who I consider to be God's greatest gift to me. I am grateful for your excellent dialogue and pray that you are able to write more and often.
Thank you again....
Jan

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Jul 8, 2021

In reply to @fredflorida "Not much." + (show)

Oh, Mary @fredflorida I am so sorry to hear that not much has changed for you. Have you checked with your towns Area Agency on Aging to find out what resources might be available to you?

tamarab | @tamarab | Jul 9, 2021

In reply to @larryh123 "It is very difficult for all parties involved. I (as a patient) am not in control..." + (show)

Thank you, @larryh123. I so welcome the perspective from "INSIDE LBD". My beloved is not able to articulate as clearly.

tamarab | @tamarab | Jul 14, 2021

In reply to @snowwhite77 "I am dealing with some of the same kind of issues. My husband gets annoyed at..." + (show)

My beloved accuses me of having tirades and I am admittedly explosive but these are a projection and he gets enraged. His recovery is rather quick though he remembers the "fight" and carries his grievances for a long time. Oh where is memory loss when we most need it? I just realized that his overtalking me is often the trigger as I then [heaven help us] try to repeat my message.

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Jul 14, 2021

In reply to @tamarab "My beloved accuses me of having tirades and I am admittedly explosive but these are a..." + (show)

@tamarab it sure sounds like you’ve gotten into a vicious circle with no winners, only losers.
There is also some good information from Mayo Clinic on managing anger. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434

“While you can't cure anger, you can manage the intensity and effect it has upon you. Effective therapeutic strategies exist for managing anger and can help you become less reactive. You can even learn to develop more patience in the face of people and situations you cannot control.”
https://www.psychguides.com › treat...

Do you have someone to talk to who can help you learn how to manage anger or just to talk with?

tamarab | @tamarab | Jul 14, 2021

In reply to @becsbuddy "@tamarab it sure sounds like you’ve gotten into a vicious circle with no winners, only losers...." + (show)

Thank you. Yes, I do have a lot of support and a therapist. Anger management is an issue for me. Burt's anger does make me reactive, and it is hard not responding
Working on it.

Teri | @tsc | Jul 23, 2021

I think it may be, especially if it's a new behavior. I have a friend whose husband does that a lot and if she tries to walk away, he follows her! Does your husband sometimes perceive a question as a criticism? At times, mine does, especially when he's doing something in a difficult way, and I suggest an alternate. Then he explains why it must be done in that way. He can get very upset and really yell. I just let it go. I'm more careful not to do anything to trigger him. I also keep a notebook of his behaviors so I can update the neurologist from time to time. He just prescribed a low dose antidepressant to see if it will help his mood. All the best to you.

Larry | @larryh123 | Jul 24, 2021

In reply to @tsc "I think it may be, especially if it's a new behavior. I have a friend whose..." + (show)

Hello:
I am a LBD patient. Your comment “ Does your husband sometimes perceive a question as a criticism?” made me want to chime in.
I definitely have that behavior. Seems like many things feel confrontational - then I react. Not the yelling but very unpleasant to be around sometimes.
I also really dont like to be told that how I am doing something could be better.
I’m not the person I was and things I used to be ale to do arent as easy or even possible anymore. So when I am doing something - I’m actually happy that I am able to do it - at least give it a good try.
In my mind - I am being told - you dont know what you’r doing. Take it very personally. Just wish someone could see I am trying and let me do it my way - as long as I’m not causing harm. It might take longer and even not be logical - but I’m trying and will most likely get to an outcome that is close to what I wanted.
Sometimes I feel like I know there is a better way to do something after my lovely wife and caregiver mentions. I have to try and defend my way - like you are describing.

Not sure if any of that might help from a perspective of someone that is seeing it from “in here”.

I’m going to start a new discussion dealing specifically with communication challenges in the next few days.

Hope that might help to have caregivers exchange ideas and have some input from LBD patients for a different perspective. I”t will help us patients to understand the challenges from your side and then when we can see both sides - everyone will benefit.

Peace
Larry H

teacher502 | @teacher502 | Jul 24, 2021

I am excitedly waiting for this new discussion! Your reply here about letting you do it your way even if it takes longer is some much needed advice. Since I was a teacher for 36+ years, it is almost impossible to sit back and be QUIET. However, this is something I can work on starting now.
Our friend, Larry, do you have any idea how valuable you are to so many? Your worth is priceless!