A depressed teen here. Gonna be long and boring but need help

@led I speak from my experience with depression which in my case does include a lot of negative self talk. Not talking or seeking professional help just makes the negative self talk go round and round in my head. I encourage you to continue your path in getting better. You writing here is an indication that you want/need to find help. I have found people here to be understanding and helpful. Seeking help is a positive step in your life.

@lacy2. Thanks for being so open and sharing that. The incident with your brother, the knife and the walnuts must have been pretty frightening. I think something else that plays a part in how healthy a person is has to do with our genes. I was thinking the other day how many of my internal organs a doctor had actually touched or done something to. It's been quite a few, sigh. Anyway, I hope you had a nice Valentine's Day. Every special occasion that passes now I think next year I'll get to spend it with my relatives. I'm looking forward to that! Nancy

@led You say you enjoy music. What specifically? Is it something you could start as a hobby? We all need something fun to balance out our lives. Well it's a thought.

Thank you all for everything you said. I still cannot believe you're reading all of this, I wish I could make it shorter...
@lacy2 I'm sorry for what happened back in the day I don't know what to say, I didn't want it to be so reflective and perhaps sad but it's still nice of you to talk about it. God bless her, she's in a better place now.
My mom still gets intimidated when she sees me using a knife or matches.
@nla4625 I read the article and have some, or most, of the symptoms so I'm even more worried.
You asked where I'm from. I'm from and live in Egypt in a much rural city than you might think.

@marjou I enjoy music very much. R&B, Hip-Hop, and rap, maybe some pop and dance music.
not an expert, but I like the lyrics and sometimes dig in to find backstories about them. "Genius lyrics" for example.

Sorry for the late reply I had to have some sleep and tried to study but it was just 2 pages out of a lecture of 50.
I was also thinking about deleting this post. Still think it's better to just shut up and keep it together. Also, I don't know what exactly I'm feeling right now. Maybe it's just like hard times. I'm getting more scared about my health as well as these stupid exams that I've and not prepared for. Going back to school was delayed for another week by the government but it's still worthless as my exams would seats after it anyways. It feels pathetic and stressful to be in this place.
I won't be surprised if I failed as I don't deserve to pass, whining won't make the cut.

I don't know if you'd understand it but,
I wish I could just stop my life "time". So I can think straight and have room to breathe without seeing everything passed through me and progressed. Also don't want to go back in time 'cause the stupid me well just do it all again.

Hi led. This morning, checking emails and this site and honestly I have no idea why I chose to tell my story about my neck injury.. it's not helping your original post is it...but I think in response to someone mentioning traumatic things in our past..but you may know that as we get older our short term memory is not so good but, to the frustration of our children, we can recite so much details from the past! I noticed on a post about something completely different this morning a man wrote under his name:
....... some roads are stone over gold; some roads are stone over stone: keep walking -
Caught my attention, what more can we do, what more do we "have" to do but keep going... we know what the other "choice" is.

You commented on the tone of conversation/replies on here and as they say "it is what it is" - different ages, different backgrounds, but with one goal in mind, IMO, to vent, to ask for help, to be offered help, to tell our stories, guidance, short or long, to sympathize ...etc. None of us have been in your shoes but each in our own way perhaps conveying that most of us have shouldered burdens, mental, physical... family comparisons, etc. Thats what I used to do and still do to a point; compare myself with people who are happier, healthier, smarter, prettier, calmer.. the list goes on: I feel I just don't measure up. However, I always compare with those with traits above me, I don't compare myself with those who are sadder, more ill, less educated, etc: why is that?

While I was on my bed even participating in this web site last evening, my husband was downstaris watching some tv show about trucks stuck on highways in snow storms; men catching snakes in the Florida everglades etc. he is "enjoying" himself, bowl of chips, maybe glass of wine - he is "content" . Worked hard all his life, parents one was nice/alcoholic, bully Dad , but he never talks about them (passed away now) good or bad nor relates stories from the past as I do. Recently he had open heart surgery and hemothorax they didn't notice so he couldn't hardly breath for 4 weeks.... does he moan about it? No. Whereas I am still telling stories about walnuts!

Maybe "led" you see others as better than you, stronger than you, and so on: yet you really don't know what is going on inside their heads... maybe they do not tell you of their fears and worries and, possibly, they don't have any: lucky them! Just quickly, I was in a small group with a leader discussing how we cope with anxiety...I added my thoughts... but the next two older folk looked puzzled... as if to say "what's anxiety".... they had no coping mechanism as had not I suppose labelled their life's issues as anxiety: it wasnt my place to do so, but I would have liked to find out more.... didn't they realize they "should" be anxious about "something."!!!!!!

Bouncing off the words you said about being scared about your health: last week I thought to myself about my illnesses: either I am sicker than I think I am, or am better than I think I am.. and I then thought: why am I even tormenting myself with this?

Best of luck in the future... maybe try some gentle short meditation or listed to relaxation tapes and give our minds a deserved rest?

J. (Ontario, Canada)

@led. I read about mental health issues in Egypt, how expensive and difficult it is to get treatment, and the social stigmas attached to people suffering from mental illnesses. You are in a really difficult situation. One article said that 25% of the people in Egypt were suffering from depression and other mental diseases, so you are not alone. Another article said people were getting help from psychologists on social media, but they probably can't prescribe antidepressants. Are you sure you can't "stop time" as you called it, take a break from your studies and concentrate on getting well? Actually, I am familiar with rural villages in Egypt. I spent three amazing weeks traveling in Egypt overland from Cairo to Luxor and Aswan. I'm also familiar with the enormous pressures put on young people in less developed countries to succeed and get good paying jobs. It's really a lot --too much actually --to handle. I found a link about a musician from Egypt who produces music to try to break the social stigmas regarding mental illnesses in Egypt. You may be familiar with him, his website, and his music, but I hope listening to it and checking his website will help you. Take care. Nancy
https://www.egypttoday.com/Article/4/31095/Musician-uses-music-to-end-mental-illness-stigma

Hi sweet friend. First of all you need a correct diagnosis. With a good and accurate diagnosis someone can help you.

@led No, there isn't something "wrong" with you. I think we should first consider that most of the people on Connect are American, and some are Canadian. I'm not sure where you are but I can tell you that the vast majority of Americans are not as concerned about pleasing their parents and duty, as you seem to express. Neither is wrong or right, but different. Advice here is being conveyed from another cultural lens/perspective (American).

When you express feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, Americans take this as a sign that you need mental health services. Mental health issues are much more socially acceptable here than most places. I would say a good portion of the population goes to counseling or seeks a medical professional for mental health medications at some point in their life.

From my American cultural perspective, it sounds like you are not passionate about school and/or medical school may not be the right place for you. It's either too difficult or it just isn't right. I don't exactly know what that must be like for you but I'm sorry you are feeling hopeless. Everyone has specific talents and passions and in my opinion, it is a parent's job to help you self-actualize into the best and most authentic person you can be. Again, this is my American perspective that stresses individuality over the group. I know this is not how most cultures operate. (I have a degree in Anthropology and Counseling).

Regardless of the culture, I think it is safe to say that even if medical school isn't right, you still have a life worth living. You are a unique person that has something to give the world and you are deserving of fulfillment.

I'm going to quote Einstein. Have you heard the quote....

Everybody is a genius . But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

I use this quote to reiterate, not everyone is the same. You are not your siblings. You are unique. You are not better or worse.

I hope that you find a path that allows you to express and realize your unique personality to its fullest potential.

As a side note, is there anyone that you can talk to at the school. Are there any therapist or guidance professionals?

Can't be thankful enough for any of what you all said.

@nla4625 , I actually never heard of him before I honestly don't listen to Egyptian music that much but I'll try to. However, one of my biggest living inspirations is a Dutch singer called "Mr. Probz" he had a small documentary & album back in 2017 called "Against the stream" also know for "waves".
You should definitely give it a try. And you should come here again after this... Virus and actually, I was born in Luxor.
Unfortunately, I cannot delay my exams as I forgot to mention that the faculty that I'm in doesn't give a "second chance", meaning if I failed any of my upcoming exams or scored less than 60% for each topic, then that's it. I'll have to stick around for another year. So I'll be a class behind (don't know what's the right word).
The upcoming one " 2022" is clinical so I can't have the exams later on in the summer or while being in clinical. That kinda makes me even more and more worried. People accept me to keep going and pushing since I joined the school but I feel like I've no energy left

@erikas I may be confused with what you said but If I don't do well at school, does it mean I don't belong here? I feel so ungrateful about it. And like Miss Nancy @nla4625 said this is probably my only chance to have a proper job and my parents, who are both teachers, reminded me of that a lot and they're right
I said that I enjoy studying med when I don't think of that pressure. I really like to know how my body works especially when it makes sense. But I don't know what I'm thinking right now. It's getting very toxic.

@lacy2 I'll try the relaxation advice as it's all that I've for now. This may sound inappropriate or not of my business, but I hope that talking to me didn't interrupt you from having a glass of wine and spend the night with your husband. God bless you both.

@erikas I want to talk to a doctor " teacher", psychologist but this will have to wait after my exams as I can't talk in person due to where I live and really ashamed of myself to try to text them now. I mean ""you're asking for help now? just before the exams?!"". I won't blame them if that's said but I also don't have the choice of when to get depressed 🙁
And sorry if there's a "misplaced @" somewhere

Wise words and I had never seen that quote about the fish....thankyou!