1. < Cancer: Managing Symptoms
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Intimacy and cancer

Posted by Iowakate @katehedderich, Feb 4, 2021

My husband and I have not been intimate since my cancer (glioblastoma) diagnosis (5 years now). At first it was due to fatigue. But now I don’t know why. I try to talk to him about it but he avoids the subject. Anyone else having this issue?

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Iowakate | @katehedderich | Feb 7, 2021

Thank you for responding. Everyone has given me a lot to think about.

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mazeppabob | @mazeppabob | Feb 8, 2021
In reply to @mazeppabob "As a man, I will say sex is not like a switch (on/off). There are many..." + (show)
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As a man, I will say sex is not like a switch (on/off). There are many factors mostly in our heads that might cause us to avoid sex.
When we are young the switch never gets turned off. However, as we age and our partner's age there are little voices in our male heads that cause doubt about the switch coming on. So rather than find out for sure we might avoid sex altogether. The blue pill does not make us horny. First, we have to be aroused then it helps get and maintain an erection. However, if that little voice won't shut up it ain't gonna happen. Been there done all of this over the years.

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Regarding the little voices in our little male brains. I should have added that while Viagra does not get us aroused it is a huge confidence booster. Sometimes that is all it takes to quiet those anoying voices. Generic Viagra (sildenafil) is really cheap now. Use the GoodRx app when you pay. In most cases less than $1 a pill. However it still requires a prescription, but even that can be done online now.
(confidence-confidence)!!

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terrip | @terrip | Feb 8, 2021

I was just reading about this issue just yesterday for information. My husband was diagnosed in July 2019 and the intimacy has been void since. Back in chemo now for Colon Cancer metastatized to liver. Hoping to focus on this in near future. 🙏🏻 Although I understand it will take some work as things have changed. I appreciate you sharing the question to the group. I have no doubt that others are impacted and may share knowledge or resources.

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terrip | @terrip | Feb 8, 2021
In reply to @dutchw "Hope I didn’t say anything inappropriate or offensive. I just wanted to give an honest answer..." + (show)
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Hope I didn’t say anything inappropriate or offensive. I just wanted to give an honest answer to a honest valid question.

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It is appreciated. Well phrased in my opinion. Thank you.

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Iowakate | @katehedderich | Feb 8, 2021

Thanks for sharing your story and insights.

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Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Feb 10, 2021

Sex, sexuality and intimacy are all important to varying degrees for each person and/or couple. With cancer, intimacy may be redefined, but not absent. When sex is put on hold (temporarily or permanently), what intimacy do you still wish for? Cuddles, conversation, hand-holding, TV watching, touches in passing?

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Iowakate | @katehedderich | Feb 11, 2021
In reply to @colleenyoung "Sex, sexuality and intimacy are all important to varying degrees for each person and/or couple. With..." + (show)
Profile picture for Colleen Young, Connect Director @colleenyoung

Sex, sexuality and intimacy are all important to varying degrees for each person and/or couple. With cancer, intimacy may be redefined, but not absent. When sex is put on hold (temporarily or permanently), what intimacy do you still wish for? Cuddles, conversation, hand-holding, TV watching, touches in passing?

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Food for thought.

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Iowakate | @katehedderich | Feb 11, 2021
In reply to @katehedderich "Food for thought." + (show)
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Food for thought.

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Thanks.

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terrip | @terrip | Feb 11, 2021

I would love some hugs and be able to communicate about things that are in anyway positive. Therapy is on the table, however due to an significant move we will make in a few months (post latest treatment) couple therapy is on hold so as not to leave a therapist and then locate a new one several states away. Sending you all a virtual hug.

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kathleenweidmann | @kathleenweidmann | Feb 13, 2021
In reply to @dutchw "I also applaud you for breaching this issue, your a brave woman. As a man, perhaps..." + (show)
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I also applaud you for breaching this issue, your a brave woman. As a man, perhaps I can offer some suggestions. Have you tried initiating intimacy and telling your husband of your desires? My ex-wife had breast cancer, I was hesitant to initiate intimacy out of fear of rejection because of the cancer. I didn’t want to talk about it either. One night she was very blunt, assured me she still loved me, told me what she wanted/needed and initiated sex. It took several times of her doing the initiating until things returned to normal. Sometimes us men aren’t the smartest tool in the shed and need a push. If ED is an issue, insist he talk about it, get help or the blue pill if necessary. I’ll try answering your questions if you feel comfortable talking to me. Never give up.

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👏👏👏👏👏

We have gone through many physically life threatening conditions, extensive surgeries & recoveries together. Cancer has been different; it has taken away our intimacy.

We have been stumbling around for months now. I remember coming here to look for answers. We fnally broke down recently and got some blue pills.

So happy to see this being addressed.

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