When things just don't get better

Thanks Hank! So True about "Service"! Service is such a Simple thing to do! Whether it is to my customers! To my Friends and Family! To just reading, listening about people and their Success and their Strugles with Illness and Life! What was Glen Campbell song about, "Try a little Kindness!" It's not that hard to do! I guess as I was talking to Val about depression, it just takes a First Step and from then on gets easier.
Hve you read "Greenlights" by Matthew McConehey?
Talks about his Strughles and "Black Dogs"! Worth reading!
Take Care!
From The Land of Enchantment!
Sundance(RB)

I am crying every with anger outburts. I can't stop the panic. It's all due to bunion surgery back in October. I went to Dr. out of state. He sent a script back to Iowa for physical therapy. It' not helping under the balls of my feet. I need a podiatrist @ home in Des Moines but fear I'll need another surgery and I might be in terrible pain when I walk for the rest of my life. Walking helps the anxiety. Really depressed in an unhappy marriage and am overwhelmed. Please pray I get headed in the right direction. Maria.

Maria, Know that there are more people than you know reading this and sending you, thoughts, prayers, and blessings!
Sundance(RB)

Maria you are not alone. I have been fighting this Myotonia Congenita my whole life I am 55 yrs old but didn’t know what it was. Then 3 yrs ago they actually put a name to my physical fight. Knowing what I have just makes me more stubborn, I keep telling myself that I am Stro her than this and my will to live. Don’t get me wrong I have days where I feel like it’s winning. So I just try to regain myself and get back up and fight some more. I know it’s tough and I am praying for you and that your spirit will help you fight. You stay strong and don’t let this beat you. 🙏🏻💪🏻 Kim

Daphne? New here and am afraid, as when have tried to join other large well used sites, get lost.... Your post Dec.30 rings a bell with me. However, I have coped with illness, depression, anxiety, abuse - nice times/bad times.. but at 77 I AM afraid to live with any more illnesses than I have now and I have thought this through and through and, like you, dont want to be negative for anyone else, but I don't think I can cope with much more. I dont like the overuse of the phrase "been there done that" but it sums it up. I cherish the times in past and even intermixed now with my problems, when I have felt or do feel better. My parents and only sibling have passed away and I have a spouse and 2 adult children. They want me to persevere but as they have heard it all before, many times, now I hear: we don't know what to say. Brave people who live with pain and suffering. I suppose I am not brave and if present situation doesnt change (and I dont think it will)... well I have a "plan" .... whether or not I will carry it out I cannot say but to me it is an alternative to what you describe and yes, I can relate. However, I absolutely support and encourage and try and share my successes with others... there is help, there is hope, there is better future! ..... sometimes we go away and forget to water our plants: come home and, whew, they all survived... oh, but this one didn't...... (old age?) (Nature?) (roorbound?) ..I am that plant. J.S.

@lacy2 I'd like to extend my welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. We certainly do not want you to feel that you are "lost" here on Connect.

You said if things don't get better you have a "plan." Do you feel like you can keep yourself safe and if you did feel unsafe would you reach out to your spouse and adult children?

May I also ask if you have physical illnesses? If you do, you may find the chronic pain group helpful, along with Mental Health and the Depression & Anxiety groups. There is a lot of conversation in this group and members are usually very responsive, as they are in the Mental Health and Depression & Anxiety groups.
- Chronic Pain https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/pain/

May I ask what type of illnesses you have been diagnosed with so I can appropriately direct you to any helpful groups so support?

Thank you. Yes I am safe and having a plan is important to me as I spent a long time considering what would be my choice should things get unbearable for me or terminal. Sorry if it offends anyone but I also support M.A.I.D. ... but also thoroughly support 100 per cent anyone who can weather the "storm" and needs help doing so.
..... yes I think chronic pain group as I have that along with the depression and anxiety, and aging of course. I have history many years ago treated by radiation outside and internally for Cancer of Cervix Stage 2 (there is more to this story); and in later years "late stage radiation damage" to pelvis.... so have radiation damagaged bladder cystitis; similar issues to IBS-D; migraines with aura since a child although later in adult life the head pain and nausea went away and I now have aura - for some reason now am slightly confused after aura leaves vision; goiter/tumour on neck which was quite large removed and also had removed right Thyroid; appendix taken out when D&C as dr punctured uterus.. may be some scar tissue I dont know.
2018 was my tipping point.... lots of UTi's and new dr. gave me four prescriptions in 4 months, sulphur antibiotic; then specialist gave 2 more antibiotics in a month and I got C.Diff... I spent most of summer disinfecting my house and isolating myself so neighbours, friends, children didn't get it from me although dr said just wash hands; I lost 20 lbs and became so weak mentally and physically couldn't get out of bed and this preceded spending last months of 2018, most of 2019 and most of 2020 , 90 per cent of my time in my bedroom with ipad, files, and spouse bringing me food although I tried to help.. only going out for medical appointments, gave up driving etc.
Also during 2018 diagnosed with narrow angle glaucoma which meant i could not take ANY mediation that would raise eye pressure (and there are lots) so my health went down the drain and I couldn't even use nose spray as steroid. I took msyelf off Zolfot for six months but kept taking Clonazepam - both of which had been freely given to me by family doctors for almost 20 years!
That all kick started latest unbelievably long depression and anxiety, not occasional periods as had been before in my life. Feb.2019 new psychiatirst took me right off Clonazepam after last 5 pills and I went into withdrawal; he put me back on Zoloft even tho I told him I wasnt allowe to take it re Glaucoma and I would like to tell that story one day. Practically living in bedroom continued - -
2 months ago husband had emergency open heart surgery and I found myself having to leave my room to go downstairs and prepare my food and feed the dog! I have 2 adult daughters but by then Covid and didn't want them here too much... but it brought me back to the land of the living for the 3 weeks he was away...however when he came back still quite ill till I found myself overwhelmed with then helping him and myself at 77 and didnt get any help in cos of Covid; although nurse changes dressing on his unhealed leg wound here daily. I had an Iridotomy to my eyes March 2020 which allows me to take meds that raise eye pressure but I am "allergic" to many antibiotics etc.
I have lost my Mum, only Brother, Nephew in UK in the last few years and other relatives there... will never go back any more. I love Canada but my roots still have British soil on them. 2018 my closest three friends (although one was a computer friend in Spain) a childhood friend in UK and a lovely neighobour, all died within 2 months. My nephew was brain damaged and insisted on playing Farmville with me every morning on computer ..... I still miss it.

I typed this before and deleted it as way too long and here I go, its long again. I am not looking for sympathy ... with so many other brave people on here and in the world who are also suffering from many of life's suffering, including Covid deaths and illness, losing family and I remember once a therapist saying there are so many things that can "go wrong" with the human body its amazing any of us are still walking around! Some say the glass is half full; some say the glass is half empty; I say my glass was full, I drank some of the water, I shared some of the water, and spilled some of the water, and now I feel it is empty. Everyone has their own glass and everyone sees it differently, I suppose. THANK YOU I will try the other groups and hope I don't drag my boring history along with me, but this is basically my story and like most stories, vary chapter by chapter, then end... whether or not the ending is happy or sad is up to the author, or even the reader? (I truly hope I not only find some help but am able to give some)

@lacy2
Don't be hard on yourself for needing to write your many details here. You've had a JOURNEY! And like others on Connect who have had their own journeys, each one is a story that can't be told in just a few sentences. In reading this post I was particularly struck by the experience of having your caregiver, your husband, having his own medical situation happen and suddenly you are put in a position of trying to care for yourself and possibly him as well to an extent. Sounds similar to another Connect member, Renee, @faithwalker who is very ill and housebound and very confined to her chair, and who's husband, her caregiver, having such bad health issues himself that the roles occasionally have to be reversed. I worry about that myself. I care for my wife, and so far I am in good shape health wise, but one never knows what the future may hold. It gives one pause! I appreciate how difficult all that you have been through in your life has been for you. You have both my compassion as well as my admiration. You are a trooper, whether by choice or by necessity, much like many others here, and my mind is boggled regularly by what I read here sometimes. I hope you manage to be one of the survivors, i.e. do not need to resort to prematurely ending your life. But not being in your shoes I can only support whatever you decide to do. I just know that life, all life, has ups and downs, and if you are in a "down" there will inevitably be an eventual "up". Very best to you dear, Hank

...just another (short) hi.... and wanted to say that apart from my lengthy "history" of quite a few things, my current problems, if I had to concentrate on those and not memories of all the others: depression/anxiety; bowel issues increasing pressure and pain; I forgot tinnitus pressure and pain; and the eye issues. It's odd that I feel I have to list everything... instead of the main ones. it's a wonder I didnt include when I hurt myself falling off my tricycle when I was five.... !! I think I have a need to explain or prove "why" I feel like I do and what led up to it...am sure there's a psychological reason for that! anyway, thank you again for being so nice and I feel like reading every single post from every single person, as everyone has their "cross" to bear. I worked with a lady from Italian background years ago and she said they had a saying, translated that if everyone went to the village square and laid down their "cross" each had to carry/live with... and they could pick up anyone else's cross ...... they would ALL pick up their own cross as they left. Not sure if I have this exactly right but I remember her telling me this many years ago. J.S.

@lacy2 It is cathartic to the soul to share in a non-threatening environment. We each have our stories, and being here on Mayo Clinic connect, we learn we are not alone, even if our individual circumstances may not be exactly the same as someone else. There is a release that happens inside of us when we know that others are [virtually] patting us on the shoulder, or giving us a hug of support, don't you agree?

I hope today goes well for you.
Ginger