What should I do in my situation?

Posted by 210030sa @210030sa, Jul 15, 2020

First thing is first, I couldn't decide of a category for this so if this is moved I apologise. So I am currently 16 years old. Back when I was 9 a hurricane blew a tree in my house and was very close to hitting my mother. It was a scary night. After that I had PTSD and behavior issues. I couldn't control myself. I was diagnosed with PDD as a young child and when I turned 16 my psychiatrist said that I had mild Asperger's. After the hurricane I was put on lexipro for PTSD. This is where things went wrong. I started doing lots of things that I shouldn't have like doing too much of something, such as eating, gaming, and I was always running around in my bike. After my PTSD had been treated I was at a horrible weight because after the hurricane I was always hungry (I think it was the medicine but I am not sure because I was 9-12[I don't remember exactly]) after I started gaining weight the depression and behavior issues skyrocketed and I gained 50 pounds a year and it was only increasing. I started to do bad in school in 5th grade, which I'm guessing was lack of motivation (very serious). And in 5th grade the last friend I had moved away. I was then alone throughout middle school, and not having friends for years is very painful and can change a person. I had gotten to a point where I hardly went to school. (Also another thing to mention, I'm capable of getting A and A+ and was constantly told I was smart and I managed to make it into the advanced classes only to fail them later on and I also skipped a grade which only made my social issues worse, but my mind state was so bad I did nothing with it hence why my grades went down. 5th grade is when I got my first C. Every year later my grades went down and down.) I was a big burden on my parents because my feelings were so strong I couldn't control myself or how I was feeling. Nothing really helped so I saw a psychiatrist and was put through almost all of the SSRI and SNRI that was supposed to help with depression. Throughout those medicine, nothing seemed to help. In middle school is also when I started to get bullied which only made me worse. During tests I would always get a 90-100 but even though I aced everything, the homework really brought things down. At 14 I got a job and started making friends online(because I had none in person and online was the only escape). I was and still am averaging 16 hours a day online which is very bad for my health. I never ate the right foods. I was always eating, even through the night. My triglycerides and some vitamin levels were horrible and I managed to have a fatty liver- similar disease because of the food I ate(I never drank alcohol, and refuse to). So after I got a job I had some money, but because of my severe depression I spent every cent I earned in an attempt to make myself feel better (still happens now). Also I didn't know it at the time but I believe I had social anxiety because I could never start a conversation with someone new. So with the money one of the first things I had gotten was I bought computer parts and build my own computer. That is when I really started to try to make things better but only made things worse. I had played Minecraft from 2013-2020 (currently, and I know it's lame but it's the only thing I know besides watching videos all day long). I made some good friends many times but I ended up losing some because I was too sad and they didn't want me. I did stupid things like cutting myself for reasons I don't remember or understand. I posted those online. Now through the years I had made many friends but almost every time I made a friend I lost them in a very harsh way. (I say almost because of the friends I have currently online). So high school came around. I had finally made a friend and was introduced to a friend group. (And I should also mention I always felt left out, always, and it was the worst feeling because it felt almost like I still had no friends). My friends from high school were very nice although I only really am friends with one, because I feel left out with the rest of the group, including the friend who introduced me into it. In high school I started with advanced classes and did good for half a year (averaging 98 across all classes) but at some point I broke down and stopped doing homework causing my grades to plummet horribly. I started doing stupid things in high school, which I know I should not do but I do/did it anyways to try and make myself feel better. I started vaping and at first it was to look "cool". I had never breathed it in, just pulled it into my mouth. Later on I got to a point where I started vaping and getting off it was a pain. (I managed to literally quit in 1 day). But I also made trouble for my teachers. And the friend group I had I felt left out of so I felt that I only have one friend. I always managed to start the year good In attempt to fix things, but later in the year it would all go downhill again. I quit my job for reasons I don't even remember. I was working at a fast food restaurant and I was eating horribly but I managed to lose 25 pounds in a month. After I quit the money disappeared because I was so sad that I didn't care about my life and spent all my money that I had for random people I met online because I didn't feel like living. In sophomore year is when I started stupider things. I was in very bad health and I believe I weighed up to 320 pounds at one point (currently). Junior year I started to get better with depression. Miles better. But it wasn't happy feeling, or good feeling. Junior year is also the year where I finally managed to control my behavior better, and acting more civil. I have irrational thoughts when I am in such a bad mind state. Hence why I did so many dumb things. And currently it is summer and I am genuinely worried about my future. I know what field I want to work in, what degree I want, etc. But I feel hopeless as if it's going to go wrong because of my grades from messing up so bad. And the thing I really came here for is what should I do now that I am a senior. At the moment I managed to sweat to my knees with playing video games all day. I took a shower and 10 minutes later I was the same as before I took it. Soaked in sweat. My health is bad and I don't know what I should do for my future. And I don't know what I should work on first, college planning or my health. What should I do?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Healthy Living Support Group.

Getting a physical is a great first step and make sure that your blood work includes a full Thyroid work up. Some of the problems may be related to under active Thyroid. Also for the PTSD I was successful with a technique called EMDR. T

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There is a professional organization of certified professionals who are skilled in this technique. You might want to consider speaking with a career counselor and having a skills evaluation and matching that up with your likes and dislikes. You may be surprised at all the options available to you. You are still young and very aware of your issues. I restarted my life at 72 after ending a 20 year abusive relationship so it is possible. I have a list of things I want to do each day and cross them off when finished. I makes me feel successful. The advice from this group sounds great so keep involved in it.

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@210030sa

I used to see a therapist, didn't do much, and cognitive behavioral therapy I have heard of, but never really tried it. And how would I go about taking care of my health with planning my future, because there's not much time left.

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What in the hell!!!!!! WHO SAYS THAT THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME LEFT? So what. Live your life helping others and as many as you can. The more people you help the more you help yourself no matter how much time there is. At these moments in my life even helping a needy animal is glorius. We are going to die anyway. Be useful to yourself as well as the others. And if I am wrong I am on my knees and do sincerely appologise.

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Hi, dear sweet girl! I read all of your note and I identify with a lot of your symptoms and pain. I was in such deep, dark depression that I had a nervous breakdown and 15 shock treatments to bring me out of it. Only to assure you that God loves and cares for you and He has a way for you, too. I found out after many years of antidepressants that did not work, some therapy (individual and group) which had no effect since I did not like to talk and felt like I had no reason to be there, that my symptoms were Genetic and diagnosed by a NeuroPsychiatrist (which I HIGHLY recommend) and she prescribed Lithium which is not a drug but a natural element I have been taking it for 33 years! By the way, Jesus is my best friend and I need no other. When I was in the pit and looking down, God reminded me to look up at His Light. You have a lot of light to look at: a brilliant mind, exceptional computer skills, ability to communicate with your parents, knowledge of what you are doing right and wrong. Think on these things. Philippians 4:8

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@mwsa1945

Getting a physical is a great first step and make sure that your blood work includes a full Thyroid work up. Some of the problems may be related to under active Thyroid. Also for the PTSD I was successful with a technique called EMDR. T

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I think I'll try it out, thank you!

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@peach414144

What in the hell!!!!!! WHO SAYS THAT THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME LEFT? So what. Live your life helping others and as many as you can. The more people you help the more you help yourself no matter how much time there is. At these moments in my life even helping a needy animal is glorius. We are going to die anyway. Be useful to yourself as well as the others. And if I am wrong I am on my knees and do sincerely appologise.

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No you're right, I try to help people if I am in the position to do so.

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@210030sa

Well I didn't know about me having ASD until I the past year, and I didn't get diagnosed with depression until it was horribly bad. I usually keep quiet because part of my issue is I'm not good socially (in person at least). I feel that I sound like a normal person but in appearances and actions I do, I feel out of place. Nobody really noticed until I was hardly going to school or doing any productive work. I happen to be good at making a straight face no matter the situation. Obviously it's not all the time, because some things can be worse than others. Personally bring labeled as something doesn't mean anything to me, I just use it to gauge what issues I'm having and possible causes/solutions. I appreciate your response and it means a lot to me, thank you!

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@210030sa Just checking in to see how you're doing? I don't consider myself a social achiever but do have one or two close friends. COVID has certainly made even going to the grocery store a challenge for me, but push myself through it. Glad you have reached out!

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@marjou

@210030sa Just checking in to see how you're doing? I don't consider myself a social achiever but do have one or two close friends. COVID has certainly made even going to the grocery store a challenge for me, but push myself through it. Glad you have reached out!

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I have a few friends but one close one, I'm doing okay right now but I haven't really left my house to do anything for a few months now. I'm just trying to figure out what I should do now that I have so much free time until senior year.

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@210030sa

I have a few friends but one close one, I'm doing okay right now but I haven't really left my house to do anything for a few months now. I'm just trying to figure out what I should do now that I have so much free time until senior year.

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Sometimes I feel my accomplishments for any given day change. Like walking for 5 minutes in the house using Leslie Sansome's walking video on YouTube. She also has longer and shorter versions. Today my goal is to make my bed and clean, wash refrigerator. Not exciting but my accomplishment. So what's your accomplishment for today? Wishing you well.

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