1. < Depression & Anxiety

What does it take to moving from low self-esteem - to self acceptance

Posted by caroleeuits @caroleeuits, Jun 2, 2020

I was asked to talk about what self acceptance was to me on these pages - and I responded - see earlier posts in late May.

But what I want to also do is to hear is from youall and your journeying toward self-acceptance. I find that my own coming to self-acceptance is my own story - but what about yours?

What are the common threads that you have found within you that appeared and grew? What maked them grow - and what has thus happened through you - and those of others around you by their engagement with you? This is more about that internal process of becoming who you are now.

I see a lot of people read books - but I am guessing while they are valuable resources, your own life-quests tell more incredible journeys of how all the influences upon you have mattered. What is your journey to self-acceptance? Hangups? Ahaas? And finally, what are your-self discovered deep truths that empower your self-acceptance at the point you now are ?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

marjou | @marjou | Jun 22, 2020
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hi @marjou, I suppose this bag theory could have an impact on who we pick for..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Hi @marjou,

I suppose this bag theory could have an impact on who we pick for our closest relationships. So what do we do with these empty bags? I have found that cognitive behavior therapy worked well for me. David Burns wrote a lot of books/workbooks on this idea of changing our thoughts.

Has anyone worked with cognitive behavior therapy as a way of changing/filling the contents of our bags?

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@hopeful33250 This bag theory is something I've never heard of before in my cognitive behavior therapy but will mention it to my therapist. It does make sense to me. My take is this I don't have the skills to fill the grocery bag but have the negative experiences. What does one do with that "unbalance" in life. Lately I've been thinking that I need to work with a therapist who deals with trauma to get past it and into a better life.

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junkartist | @junkartist | Jun 22, 2020
In reply to @hopeful33250 "All of you have responded in a very thoughtful, insightful manner. If I could, I would..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

All of you have responded in a very thoughtful, insightful manner. If I could, I would like to approach this from another angle.

Let's look at each person who becomes an adult as though they are carrying around a paper grocery bag. If they had positive childhood experiences such as loving, encouraging supporting family, and acceptance for who they are then their bag is filled with good things and they are mostly content with the world.

Let's look at another adult who comes into adulthood from an unloving background. Perhaps they were abused, neglected, were given negative feedback about themselves and their behavior, had siblings who were favored over them. That person goes into adulthood with a near-empty bag. They constantly look to others to fill their empty bags. If someone fails to fill their bag (with the good things that they missed in childhood or worse yet add more bad garbage to their bag) they become devasted.

This example is not my own but from an excellent therapist.

Can anyone (besides me) relate to this "bag theory" of adulthood? Are we all, to some extent, looking for someone to fill our bag? Share your thoughts.

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I have carried that bag around all my life. The comment about negative feedback hit home. It sends to be that the bag is full of those negative comments and I add to them always. The positive things don't necessarily fit in the bag. Lately I've been doing better but seeing back and forth. What helps is many long years of therapy, the energy healer, plus self compassion meditation that I'm learning. I'm at odds with one of my children which is agribusiness the problem. The comments on this site helps. Too

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marjou | @marjou | Jun 22, 2020

@junkartist Yes you explain it perfectly when you say the bag is full of negative stuff leaving no room for positive stuff to stay. This bag is too darn heavy. Thanks for sharing your input.

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grammad | @grammad | Jun 22, 2020

Be persistent at putting off the neg and make your focus kindness love, understanding, it's worth it, I remember clearly the day I decided I was going t focus on the better and stop w the negitive yrs ago. The negatives are triggers that are easy t fall into,. The triggers are a signal to stop and find a different way , it's a battle for the mind and your future.

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2 replies
catcatanzaro60 | @catcatanzaro60 | Jun 22, 2020
In reply to @grammad "Be persistent at putting off the neg and make your focus kindness love, understanding, it's worth..." + (show)
@grammad

Be persistent at putting off the neg and make your focus kindness love, understanding, it's worth it, I remember clearly the day I decided I was going t focus on the better and stop w the negitive yrs ago. The negatives are triggers that are easy t fall into,. The triggers are a signal to stop and find a different way , it's a battle for the mind and your future.

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Grammad Hello Amen to this. Sometimes I get scared that my boyfriend might hurt me cause I asked him to separate. He seems ok with it but my PTSD comes out. I start hiding things that I do not want to be broken when he leaves. I get all these scary feelings for no reason. I learned about COdependency. I am in some good groups. By the way, I have protection all over my home too. I guess my PTSD from the past is coming out. People know not to mess with me too much.

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1 reply
marjou | @marjou | Jun 22, 2020
In reply to @grammad "Be persistent at putting off the neg and make your focus kindness love, understanding, it's worth..." + (show)
@grammad

Be persistent at putting off the neg and make your focus kindness love, understanding, it's worth it, I remember clearly the day I decided I was going t focus on the better and stop w the negitive yrs ago. The negatives are triggers that are easy t fall into,. The triggers are a signal to stop and find a different way , it's a battle for the mind and your future.

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Good reminder

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catcatanzaro60 | @catcatanzaro60 | Jun 22, 2020
In reply to @grammad "It's not our place to judge others or compare, this only leads to eitherpride or lowering..." + (show)
@grammad

It's not our place to judge others or compare, this only leads to eitherpride or lowering ourself esteem. Choose to accept yourself as good enough for you, and know your are God's creation, let God be your validation and affirmation, Stop looking for affirmation thro others, and love yourself.

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awesome in my book!

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marjou | @marjou | Jun 22, 2020
In reply to @catcatanzaro60 "Grammad Hello Amen to this. Sometimes I get scared that my boyfriend might hurt me cause..." + (show)
@catcatanzaro60

Grammad Hello Amen to this. Sometimes I get scared that my boyfriend might hurt me cause I asked him to separate. He seems ok with it but my PTSD comes out. I start hiding things that I do not want to be broken when he leaves. I get all these scary feelings for no reason. I learned about COdependency. I am in some good groups. By the way, I have protection all over my home too. I guess my PTSD from the past is coming out. People know not to mess with me too much.

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Please take care

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jun 22, 2020
In reply to @junkartist "I have carried that bag around all my life. The comment about negative feedback hit home...." + (show)
@junkartist

I have carried that bag around all my life. The comment about negative feedback hit home. It sends to be that the bag is full of those negative comments and I add to them always. The positive things don't necessarily fit in the bag. Lately I've been doing better but seeing back and forth. What helps is many long years of therapy, the energy healer, plus self compassion meditation that I'm learning. I'm at odds with one of my children which is agribusiness the problem. The comments on this site helps. Too

Jump to this post

@junkartist I think we need to stop and peer into those bags once in a while, and clean them out, deal with the negative comments however we need to, even condensing them if we don't want to toss them away right then. Reallocate what we want to keep in that bag, and make room for the positive.

@marjou I wonder if we do that, lightening the bag, and making room for the positive, it will help us? The positive is so much lighter!
Ginger

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Mentor
John, Volunteer Mentor | @johnbishop | Jul 20, 2020

@hopeful33250 and others, I was thinking about this discussion and I saw an article in my Mayo Clinic newsletter email this morning that I thought was quite good and others might get some benefit from it also.

Self-esteem check: Too low or just right? : https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20047976

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