Major Health Anxiety: GI issues

The anxiety can be debilitating. I found out in 4/19 that I had an obstructing tumor in my sigmoid colon. Prior to that I was an extremely fit and healthy 52 year old who ran 5 miles per day and did barre class daily. We started our family late so I have two young kids (10 and 12 at time of diagnosis). I am a stay at home
Parent and super involved. My surgery was anticipated to be mainly exploratory while also removing the obstruction. I met with the first surgeon and he wanted to remove my entire colon (I’ve had ulcerative colitis for over 25 years). I got a second opinion and then a third. Finally was accepted at MD Anderson and had my surgery which Was a 6 hour ordeal. The tumor had made my colon attach to my right ovary and tube and appendix and cecum. All removed and two resections done. I was supposed to be in for a week, but shortly after surgery developed complications (blood transfusion reaction, anastomatic leak requiring second surgery) abscesses and a blood clot. I finally went home (one year ago yesterday) and assumed I was on my wait to healing. I started chemo and barely finished two rounds. It wrecked my digestive system and then I developed a bowel obstruction due to adhesions. After a week of an NG tube and lots of testing, I needed a third surgery to get rid of adhesions. I developed multiple abscesses and was in the hospital for another three weeks. The obstruction happened while my husband was out of town and I was transported by ambulance during the day while my kids were at school. My kids were alone until my husband flew home that evening late. That put me over the top. The obstruction came in suddenly with no warning. And every worst case scenario happened to me. I developed horrible PTSD and literally sat in the hospital and cried. I didn’t want my kids to see me and thought I would never get back to normal. But I did somewhat. I did develop a fistula which they wouldn’t operate on because it had only been a month since obstruction surgery. I was in the road to recovery and then on November 6, I woke up in the middle of the night with horrific stomach pain. I was transported again and they discovered my bowel had perforated so I was whisked into surgery. I was starting to recover but then about 6 days in, my drainage tubes stopped producing. It was over a weekend so not much contact from doctor. Long story short, I turned septic and things went from bad to worse. I had to be intubated and placed on a ventilator. My body was failing and my husband brought the kids up to see me as requested by the doctors. By the Grace of God, I pulled through and after five long weeks I was released. I wasn’t allowed to eat anything by mouth for two months. I survived that and learned to walk and am now doing some running and walking five miles a day. BUT, a few months ago I started having constipation issues and also a bulge in my belly button. That turned out to be a hernia. I was scheduled for a colonoscopy on April 1 but it cancelled due to covid. I’m having one this Friday finally but have been having bright red blood and really can’t get anything out poop wise. I’m scared to death it’s another tumor. I told my husband I just don’t know if I have the mental strength to do it a fifth time. It’s so incredibly hard. The mental anxiety can get you down. I started taking my Xanax again and pray a lot. Prayer got me through my darkest moments.
Feel free to message me if I can be of support. I tell you my story only to show what is possible. I wouldn’t consider myself a strong person and definitely not a warrior

I honestly went through a dark period in August when I had the obstruction. For some reason, that hospital stay was very traumatic for me, probably compounded by how awful I felt from the chemo. I remember wanting to lay in my hospital room with the lights off and just sleep, but my husband wouldn’t let me. When I came home, I felt defeated and very fragile. I think all of my feelings were tied to a feeling of being unable to be sure that my kids were physically and emotionally safe. They went to school thinking I was fine and then I was in the hospital and Daddy was in another state trying to,
get home. I rely on my strong faith to carry me. God really blessed me and I know that if I was meant to die, that would have been my time And I’m so blessed with a huge network of friends who stepped in. My husband is a rock (he’s also a firefighter) and I relied on him so much. I left all of the medical stuff to him, and he fought for me. I really did have a LOT go wrong (allergic reactions to multiple medicines, abscesses, etc) and he was always there to step in and make sure I didn’t fall through the cracks.
Spinal surgery is brutal. I’m glad you are able to have access through the back. Surgery is scary no matter what. I pray that yours will be a success and get you back to fully functioning

@lisag03 The only thing I don't understand is when you were in the hospital you just wanted to sleep, but your husband would not let you. You may have needed to sleep. I'm glad he is a rock for you for that's what you need.
I know I depend on my husband a lot too. He's 69 and still works full-time out of our house. I'm concerned how he is going to take care of me after my surgery. Luckily at Mayo they are having us go to a class to help him know how to help me as I recover from the Sping surgery. I'm counting down the days!
I also have much faith in God. He carries he through each day when I have the pain. So, I am so glad you have God in your life. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Thank you so much. Mayo Clinic really does think of everything. You will be in amazing hands there. I hope your surgery is a success and brings you relief. My husband had a four level cervical fusion in 2013, so I know recovery is challenging. Hopefully your husband can find a good balance.
I think the way I worded things came out incorrectly. My wanting to sleep all the time was definitely depression and not a need for sleep. He is my biggest advocate!

thank you @astaingegerdm Also I have a colonoscopy scheduled for this Friday (I’m still part of the sutter system) to evaluate the blood and pelvic/lower back pain. I also have a an appt with a gyno specialist at Stanford next week to evaluate a non specific anomaliy found on the ct scan. Sorry I forgot to put that in my first post. It’s too much for me to handle mentally! I had such over the top anxiety this morning when I found blood again I had to take 2 .25 of Xanax.

Anxiety is just the worst!!! In 2002, I lost my dad. In 2004, I had breast cancer. In 2007, I thought I had uterine cancer, and I just couldn't handle it. I had a small breakdown, suicidal thoughts, and ended up in the psych ward for 5 days. All they did for me was start me on a new medication; it made all the difference and was like a miracle drug for me. Last September (2019), I had breast cancer again, with a double mastectomy. I handled it like a breeze. My family was shocked, knowing my anxiety and depression history. However, this past week, everything seems to have caught up with me. Every little ache and pain worries me, I'm shaky around meal times. No diabetes, but hypoglycemic. Dry heaves. Depression has set in a little about my missing breasts. I'm missing my family terribly. Having to use my Xanax again. My point is that anxiety over health problems is so normal and common. You're not alone. You get through each problem one step at a time, and deal with it as it comes. Good luck to you!.

@lilypaws my PTSD was from rape and almost being murdered in a violent situation when I was a teenager - 2 separate incidences.