How do you accept change as you age?

Posted by Scott, Volunteer Mentor @IndianaScott, Apr 8, 2020

Aging and accepting our changes is never easy!

One of my favorite sayings is ‘it’s a good thing our children grow older, but parents don’t!’ Often I wish this was true and while it’s a positive message, not our reality.

Like it or not, time and life take their toll on us and we change. However accepting these changes can be a challenge in our lives and the lives of our loved ones. Both physically and emotionally I might add.

I remember well after caring for my wife for the first seven years of her war with brain cancer my dad passed away and I was able to get to his memorial service. I was very excited to see our two grandsons and decided being ‘as young as you feel’, and wanting to make up for lost time entered into a rousing game of Freeze Tag in the hotel’s front yard. All went well until I made too fast a deke and found myself flying across far more sod than I should have been! Result? Four broken ribs, a painfully long recovery, and a reminder I’m not as agile as I once was!

I also realize that the realistic view of our age is not relegated to ourselves alone. I’ve spoken with our adult children about this and they have said they don’t really see me as aging, but just as ‘Dad’, who they want to do all the same things with they have done in the past. On the other hand, our grandsons see me as ‘grandpa’ and are comfortable ‘just having me around’ especially if there happens to be a Dairy Queen nearby!

So it is I‘ve begun to think more about the importance of accepting the changes and limitations imposed on us as we advance in age. While I’m not cashing in any chips I don’t need to, I have found I do avoid a few challenges I used to gladly accept. For instance last summer I went whitewater rafting on some Class V rapids. After almost drowning, I have forgone any return trips to rivers with this class of rapids. I swim well, just not as far and as long as I used to be able to while fully clothed and in heavy gear.

While I miss those rapids and full contact Freeze Tag, I know why my grandmother often told me ‘discretion is the better part of valor’.

As you age, are you practicing discretion, even when you wish you didn’t have to? Is it hard like it is for me?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

@merpreb

@starchy- Thank you for recommending this book. I just ordered it for my husband who is riddled with pain from arthritis. He also hates taking medicine. Yes, he's one of those! I know that beef is a culprit.

Which foods did you find that you had to eliminate?

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I'm so glad to hear that you are looking into this. Medications don't cure the condition and they can be so destructive. I was already on a whole foods plant based diet (see Drmcdougall.com) and it helped a lot with the pain and stiffness. Meat, eggs and dairy products are huge triggers so, following Dr McDougall's plan kept me going for 20 years. Now, during isolation, I seem to have been doing something that has caused a flareup. The new list I got from Dr Barnard includes corn, wheat, rye, oats, citrus fruits, potatoes, tomatoes, nuts, coffee and sugar. I'm two weeks into it so, at the end of a month, I can start adding them back, one at a time, to see what happens. After just a few days, I was feeling so much better. The power of food is quite amazing.

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@jeanie26

I know what you mean about feeling that no ones knows you anymore. I have lost a lot of family and friends that I knew back when and somehow when they died that part of me died too. The part that was my youth, the fun we had, the little things we would do that set us apart from everyone else. But, ya know, those are called,memories and thank God we have them. I also know what you mean about no one to share those memories with, that's the sad part. I find myself chuckling to myself with memories of things we did back then. The people I shared those experiences with have gone but the memories for me is still there. I guess, it's a double edge sword, On one hand it's nice to remember but with no one to share them with it becomes sad and worthless. I have tried to share some of my fun times with my grandchildren but they look at me like I have two heads, fun things we did then just doesn't seem fun to them. When I tell them we didn't have video games, computers or cell phones back then, they wonder how we ever lived through it, much less have any fun. Buy alas, facing the facts of life sometimes is difficult. Thanks why I think it's important, at least for me, that I have found a group of people that can relate to what it means to age and all the good and bad that goes along with it. I have found this group invaluable to my mental health. Hang in the sweetie, we're in this together.

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How right you are. Community is everything. During isolation, zoom has been such a great help.

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@lsittll

@lioness
I've got lots of arthritis in my body too. I've had it in my back for many years. I just started getting arthritis in my hands the other year. Yuck! It feels like a knife in my hand. The bliateral carpal tunnel syndrome I have is enough for me to cope with. Wearing braces on both hands at once.

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Please look at drmcdougall.com. His way of eating helps with everything that's chronic.

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Very inspiring all of you. Having had a slight mobility and corresponding visual unknown situation I've been walking and falling for many years. I'm using a cane to stabilize. . My rescue pup is my emotional therapy dog. We walk at least twice a day it took us awhile to coordinating leash cane walking. But Sheila's a quick learner and the sound ' cooky' brings her right back to attention. I've been fighting my deminished. stregth and ambition. It's so difficult to fight arthritis to push back. The thrill of being in the normal weight for the first time in adulthood. (10 yr) has gone. Without my own transportation in hilly no sidewalk North Carolina is challenging. The heat is debilitating. To compensate I'm trying to exlplore my strengths left. Research and detail. Last night I made a recipe using all my knowlege of healthy safe eating and preparation. Calmari in a fresh tomato onion sauce over heart of palm noodles. Low sodium high protein and illiums and high fiber nutritious tomatoes. Delicious. In four deades of ' dieting' nothing is more satisfying than eating healthy and delicious. The best preperation I made four years ago to gain some balance was to go-to a nutritionist after having my allergy tests. My old doctor retired and I needed reassurance. Sure enough an allergy to eggs and dairy. Intolerance to soy and no enzymes for Fava. The key is practicing and living in a new way until it becomes a habit. That's my life living for life. Don't forget to check out what appears to be a quick fix. The is no such thing. FDA Website for products and Federal credential verification for doctors. My bible is the Center for Science in the public interest. Does the hard work and
gives the results of greatest.

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@lolaemma

Very inspiring all of you. Having had a slight mobility and corresponding visual unknown situation I've been walking and falling for many years. I'm using a cane to stabilize. . My rescue pup is my emotional therapy dog. We walk at least twice a day it took us awhile to coordinating leash cane walking. But Sheila's a quick learner and the sound ' cooky' brings her right back to attention. I've been fighting my deminished. stregth and ambition. It's so difficult to fight arthritis to push back. The thrill of being in the normal weight for the first time in adulthood. (10 yr) has gone. Without my own transportation in hilly no sidewalk North Carolina is challenging. The heat is debilitating. To compensate I'm trying to exlplore my strengths left. Research and detail. Last night I made a recipe using all my knowlege of healthy safe eating and preparation. Calmari in a fresh tomato onion sauce over heart of palm noodles. Low sodium high protein and illiums and high fiber nutritious tomatoes. Delicious. In four deades of ' dieting' nothing is more satisfying than eating healthy and delicious. The best preperation I made four years ago to gain some balance was to go-to a nutritionist after having my allergy tests. My old doctor retired and I needed reassurance. Sure enough an allergy to eggs and dairy. Intolerance to soy and no enzymes for Fava. The key is practicing and living in a new way until it becomes a habit. That's my life living for life. Don't forget to check out what appears to be a quick fix. The is no such thing. FDA Website for products and Federal credential verification for doctors. My bible is the Center for Science in the public interest. Does the hard work and
gives the results of greatest.

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@lolaemma, I appreciated your post and admire you for continuing you push back against arthritis challenges. Your recipe sounds yummie! With my pre-diabetes and kidney disease diagnoses coming close together, one of my most urgent needs was to finally, after 4 requests, get to a dietitian who provided a combined diet plan for meal. The hours that saved me going forward were priceless.

Want to check out your reference to the Center for Science in the public interest. Always believe in not having to try to recreate the wheel for anything if others have already done the intensive work required. Thank you.

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@fiesty76

@lolaemma, I appreciated your post and admire you for continuing you push back against arthritis challenges. Your recipe sounds yummie! With my pre-diabetes and kidney disease diagnoses coming close together, one of my most urgent needs was to finally, after 4 requests, get to a dietitian who provided a combined diet plan for meal. The hours that saved me going forward were priceless.

Want to check out your reference to the Center for Science in the public interest. Always believe in not having to try to recreate the wheel for anything if others have already done the intensive work required. Thank you.

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@fiesty76, and @lolaemma - I wanted to note both of you in my reply but it seems the program won't allow that. At any rate, I am responding to the reference to Center for Science in the Public Interest, also known as CSPI Just want to say that it is excellent and very trustworthy in what they report.

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@fiesty76

@lolaemma, I appreciated your post and admire you for continuing you push back against arthritis challenges. Your recipe sounds yummie! With my pre-diabetes and kidney disease diagnoses coming close together, one of my most urgent needs was to finally, after 4 requests, get to a dietitian who provided a combined diet plan for meal. The hours that saved me going forward were priceless.

Want to check out your reference to the Center for Science in the public interest. Always believe in not having to try to recreate the wheel for anything if others have already done the intensive work required. Thank you.

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If you do nothing else, please, please check out drmcdougall.com. He isn't the only doctor recommending his way of eating but he has a really good website. The whole foods, plant based diet with no added oils works for everything so it's really simple to manage. No need to have a separate diet for each condition. It's the way we're meant to eat. If we put super expensive rocket fuel in our cars, it won't end well. Same goes for our bodies. That's my rant. Last time I'll mention it.

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@fiesty76

@lolaemma, I appreciated your post and admire you for continuing you push back against arthritis challenges. Your recipe sounds yummie! With my pre-diabetes and kidney disease diagnoses coming close together, one of my most urgent needs was to finally, after 4 requests, get to a dietitian who provided a combined diet plan for meal. The hours that saved me going forward were priceless.

Want to check out your reference to the Center for Science in the public interest. Always believe in not having to try to recreate the wheel for anything if others have already done the intensive work required. Thank you.

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I had a heart attack ( rage) 2011 and dehydration.
( first stage renal failure) . I went very low sodium and a cardio diet ( a year of cardio reab). Now I've memorized my life rules. I never buy or eat anything without checking the nutritional panel. And Two years visits to a Nutritionist ( MS) to help me make it work. It's almost ten years. I allowed myself 1700 g of sodium a day. That dish was ok split I two seperate days. Discipline is your lifeline. Allergy to eggs and dairy made it easier. If you'd like to shmooz pm is fine. Vegan cooking videos online are a revelation.
Bon Chance

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I was thrilled to see Mayo Connect putting out that information on dietary needs. And the accompanying warning about fads and fakirs ( Indian word for fabulists). The hair on the back of my neck stands up when I see a TV doctor selling their latest miracle routine. Making money on the vunerable. There is no magic. No quick fix. The secret is a balanced intake. DASH Mediterranean any similar life long plan to a long healthy life Stay the course. Not on off. Consistency. Check with your health provider. Let them set your caloric and nutritional limits. We're not cookies everyone is different.

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@barbb

@fiesty76, and @lolaemma - I wanted to note both of you in my reply but it seems the program won't allow that. At any rate, I am responding to the reference to Center for Science in the Public Interest, also known as CSPI Just want to say that it is excellent and very trustworthy in what they report.

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Hi @barbb, you can tag as many people as you like in conversations, just make sure you use the @ sign before their name. 🙂 Hope this helps. I fixed you post so that it mentions both of them. Glad you find the Center for Science a good resource.

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