Caring for my husband with late-stage lung cancer
My first time here. My husband has lung cancer that has spread to liver, stomach and pelvis. Originally showed spot on lungs and liver August 2019. He is now 78 and has been a stroke survivor for 20 years...aphasia, walked with cane, no use of right arm. We decided not to proceed with cancer Treatments. But after Christmas things took a turn for the worse....he can stand but Can only move a little to the wheelchair bed or chair. We had CT in January which showed lung cancer, liver, stomach and pelvis. He is DNR so we wait. He is home and Hospice comes here twice a week. He has had a sore on his chin for over a month and recently, about the size of a dime, on the back of his head. He is not a complainer..... he is coughing up thick, white phlegm a lot now. He also has many tumors on his back...more every day, not open soreS but I see And feel them and some getting larger. Any one have thoughts that the sore on his head and face that maybe it has spread to the brain? How long can one survive like this? He is ready mentally and spiritually to leave this earth.....it is the waiting and watching him lose weight that is so hard. Any thoughts, help or prayers will be appreciated.
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I am so very sorry to read this news, @turtle115 I am sure this is going to be a very challenging time -- please stay in touch and let us know if those of us who have lost a spouse can answer any questions or offer support.
Condolences, thoughts, and hugs to you and your family. You will always be a part of this family ❤️
Thank you for sharing those beautiful memories with Connect, @rmftucker. How lovely to know something about Casey and your years together!
You have undoubtedly found a way to fill your days with meaningful activities. I applaud you for that! Best wishes as you continue on (and take care of Suzy)!
@turtle115- Good morning. I'm wondering how you and your family are doing since Andrew's passing? Are you resting and eating well?
Yes, thank you. Since I live in an insisted living place our meals are brought to us three times a day.....so, at least there is no worry about food. We are confined to our rooms but I can go outside, alone, when I want to. It has been only 12 days And I feel as he has been gone so much longer than he has. Is that strange to feel that? I am thankful it was all downhill since after Christmas......so looking bank we were truly blessed he didn't suffer much longer than he did. My prayers for all who battling cancer.
@turtle115- Hi! I'm glad that you are being well cared for! It's not uncommon to have any type of thought at this time in history and especially with losing your husband so recently. Your feelings are very normal. The sense of time, I think, dissipates after losing someone because you are probably thinking about all your wonderful, lucky years you had together. Grief is a funny fellow, it can make your mind foggy and dim reality.
https://www.refugeingrief.com/2018/04/10/grief-crazy/
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/grief/art-20045340
How is your health? May I ask, how did you handle a funeral for him?
My husband has advanced COPD and stage 4 lung cancer. He just had his first treatment on dec. 11 this year. He only weighs 105 pounds.. I know how hard it is to watch them waste away and how scared they must be. My husband went into respiratory distress last sunday night and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. He will be discharged tomorrow. All he keeps saying is that he wants to go home. It is heartbreaking. Today, at the hospital, while watching him sleep, I also prayed that when God takes him that he does so when he is asleep and can go peacefully. It is too hard to watch them suffer and I don't know if I have the strength to do it, although I must. I will pray for God to give us both the strength we need.
I am so sorry. I know how painful this can be. It is good that he will be discharged to be home. I wish peace and serenity for you both. Pls stay in touch here.
Adding prayers for a gentle landing. And adding prayers for his loved ones. May you find comfort in memories of a better time.
I am hesitant to raise this issue because I am the one with cancer and I am the one who learned about and have chosen VSED. I don't know if anyone would be comfortable suggesting VSED to the patient. VSED stands for Voluntstily Stop Eating and Drinking. It speeds up the. dying process considerably and may be harder for the care givers to observe than for the patient. I suggest you google VSED and see if it might be appropriate for you. I chose hospice and palliative care only. I am currently not ready for VSED at this time, personally; I am in no pain and I am using my given time to write memories anfd do genealogy. Peace and love for everyone at this trying time.