How You Experience Autism

@ginger, yes, I did ask her why I shouldnt have said anything.
She said no one would be interested in our family.
After that, I just didnt say much. It still doesn't make much sense.
Other people can talk about whatever they want, but apparently my family, my little bits of information, are not acceptable.

Is it because they dont know them?
I didnt know the people my friend talked about.
It feels like we are there to serve others, make them feel good, laugh at their jokes, but we do not have the same rights.

I honestly dont get it.

I need to move on. And learn more. Maybe I will find some answers.
Love and light,
Mamacita Jane

@gingerw, perhaps it was my tendency to go a bit long in my storytelling.

I don't know.

Any criticism makes me sad. I know better.

I know I should pay attention when someone is trying to help me.

I think it is just that I was verbally abused so much that nothing ever felt good enough.
Mamacita Jane

@mamacita I was thinking about you situation last night, when there is my brain running like a hamster wheel. I was told long ago that as a communication style, men want to hear a report ["just the facts"], where women want a rapport [establish a relationship]. Perhaps in an effort to fit in at your girls' weekend, you were responding to non-verbal cues, and in the effort to be part of the group, you plunged ahead. This may be what your daughter felt was over-sharing. You wanted to be included in the comraderie. Where does this sit in your soul?
Gentle hugs.
Ginger

Yup. I plunged ahead alright.
@gingerw Plunged into a pool of awkwardness.

I think I will just take it easy. Calm down
Relax.
Chill.
Limit my verbiage to short bursts.

Not monologues. As I am prone .to do.

Love and light
Mamacita Jane

@gingerw ....
It has been so busy around here. So many irons in the fire.
When I am around people with whom I am most comfortable, I do not experience that feeling of odd man out.

I feel happy and content.
I feel like the world is my oyster.
I am on cloud nine.
I do not feel weird or different or odd.

I am very sociable with those who "get" me.

With everyone else my hackles are up.
With everyone else my right knee is jumping up and down.
Wirh everyone else I am grinding my teeth.
With everyone else I just want to go home where it is safe.

I am Autistic. How about you?

Love and light,
Mamacita Jane

Hello @gingerw

I see that you posted the article from the Mighty about what autism feels like a couple of years ago. As I just read it today, I'm amazed at the complexities of living in an autistic world. Thank you for the insight!

As I've read the comments from @mamacita and @sirgalahad I'm touched by their feelings of hurt and embarrassment. Auties deserve a special word of praise for your accomplishments and your sensitive natures.

I appreciate the view of your world as you see it. It has made me a better person.

@mamacita Exactly! It is not easy to find those small groups to feel comfortable in. At times people wonder why I isolate like I do. It is easier to be alone than lonely in a crowd, to feel so on edge you cannot function, as you strive to hold yourself together. To be placed into a socially awkward situation, then retreat to your car to close your eyes against it all, recharge your batteries so to speak, and continue your day or night.

May your day today be what you look forward to.
Ginger

@hopeful33250 Teresa, blessings to you for understanding our hurdles. As auties, this quirk to our nature is manifested in so many different ways. Not everyone "gets" that. We can appear to be neurotypical to most of the population, most of the time; sometimes only another autie will recognize the small signs of discomfort. It's not easy to be neurodiverse in this loud, high pressure neurotypical world!
Ginger

@hopeful33250, I hope this finds you well. I wanted to address this perception that many NT's (Neurotypicals) have regarding those of us on the Spectrum.

Several months ago I saw a new therapist in my search to tame my ADD tendencies. I was open and frank about my place on the Spectrum. She basically nodded and went on to listen to everything else that brought me there.

Later on, after having seen her for months, she finally made a comment that I thought was interesting. She said that she never would have guessed that I was Aspie or anything else on the Spectrum.

I smiled and responded to her statement with my own.

"Well, you see, it is like this. We grow up knowing we are diffetent. We learn that we have to "mask" in order to properly fit in. So we learn all we can to be just like you. So that we can survive in this world. "

But unfortunately all this masking takes its toll on us in the form of disease, disabling conditions, and a false sense of self.

We know now that who we are is who we should be.

Removing the masks takes time and courage. Both qualities we tend to have in abundance.

It's never too late to be yourself.

Thank you for accepting us as we are.
Love and light,
Mamacita Jane

@mamacita In 1988, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus. It was a months-long process involving a lot of tests and biopsies to come up to that definitive diagnosis. At that time, and perhaps even now, it was awkward to get a handle on, as there are so many symptoms that vary from person to person. Doesn't that kind of sound like being on the autism spectrum? I recall a nurse telling me, "Gee, you don't look sick" as I checked in at my rheumatologist's office one day back in 1990. That sounds like autism, and the way we may be seen by others, doesn't it? Perhaps I've gotten used to comments like that, perhaps I've gotten good at masking, really good at masking. Being on the spectrum is part of the Civil War that my body and mind carry-on between themselves.
Ginger