Holidays are not happy, family times for everyone

@retiredteacher Growing up we had a superficial showing like the ads portray, but it was a false front, like so much of the rest of our lives. To the outside world we appeared to be a happy wholesome family, but looking through the chinks in the armor, one could see the tension and unease. I never "got" the importance placed on the commercialism, noise and [forced?] gaiety. As a person on the autism spectrum, the sights/sounds/crowds are too overwhelming for me to enjoy most parts of any holiday season. I much prefer quiet. Like several members, I have family who is estranged, and family-by-marriage, and simply refuse to act "as if" during any season.
Ginger

@gingerw I think your situation is equally as difficult as mine, and I agree. When people try to force loving, perfect scenes, they often backfire and are the impetus of more loneliness.
Carol

Beautifully said!
Our friends and neighbors travel to their children’s homes.

Our children and family are far away. We used to visit: We were asked to take care of them when
they were sick. Now they travel with in laws who would not travel to take care of them. Life!
I have no regrets.

We invite those whose relatives are also far away. Better than a pity party😢🥰

@helenfrances Having no regrets is the life to strive for. And kudos to you to invite those who may be alone or want company. This will be our first holiday season in this little town. My husband is due up here tomorrow morning for a week. We haven't decided what we will do, yet.
Ginger

There is one thing that is constant: CHANGE!
( I don’t know who said that, but isn’t it true!

Enjoy each other and the change in ‘scenery’.
An adventure!
Who knows who you may meet!

@retiredteacher This is an excellent discussion to have. People seem to have crazy ideas about perfect families and there’s not a care in the world, but I think it can be a sad time for so many. Before I retired, I would volunteer to work (as a nurse) on Christmas Eve Or Day. It felt good to be able to give someone the day off. But, really, being at work in the hospital, was a great place to be. We had time to spend with those patients without families and to share with staff who also had no one. Now, with our sons away and with their own families, we build new traditions for us.

Sounds wonderful: holiday with your husband in a little town for a week. Going with the flow....There is nothing like a change in scenery. Enjoy!

@retiredteacher the holidays, as you say, are not happy times for everyone. This year my husband and I will be alone for Christmas. My son will be going to his in-law’s and coming for a visit on the 28th for a few days. My daughter and her husband decided since our son will not be getting here until then that they will wait until then also. My kids know that I am not a demanding mother and I would never put them on a guilt trip so that makes life easier for them. Sure, I wish they would be here but we will see them eventually.
Carol, I love that you use the time to give to a needy child and donate to food banks. I always make a monetary donation to the Food Bank. I did volunteer work there for a while so it’s a charity that I feel close to. One year when it was just us and our daughter, my daughter and I wanted to serve at the Food Kitchen but my husband did not want to so we stayed with him.
I think in this time of joy and spirituality that it is especially important to remember those less fortunate, whether simply from a secular standpoint, since it is a time of “goodwill” or from a spiritual standpoint. If I knew someone who would be alone I would love to share our meal with them - I will cook a nice holiday dinner.
JK