1. < Just Want to Talk

Holidays are not happy, family times for everyone

Posted by Retired Teacher @retiredteacher, Nov 20, 2019

This time of year from Halloween through New Year's is not a happy time for everyone. It is not for me and my husband because we have no family. All the adds and activities that show families around the table chatting and talking and enjoying all the special food and fellowship just make it worse. It's hard to have a glorious time because we've never experienced the family tradition. I prepare the traditional food, but there is no real celebration. I just want everyone to know that this time of year is not always what it's advertised to be. It also brings depression and hurt and a feeling of being left out. However, it's always been this way for my husband and me, so we are used to it. We don't buy each other gifts, but choose a needy child and buy for that child. We prepare donations for the food banks in our area and try to do what we can to help those who have family but little else. I know there are other people like us, soI just wanted to remind others that not everyone has family to celebrate with. Rather than the jolly, we celebrate the spiritual aspect and welcome a new year.
Carol

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virgogirl7 | @virgogirl7 | Dec 24, 2021

Carol, Your comments really resonated with me. Our family consists of my son and our Bichon Frise -- the biological family is not in the State where we live and has never been warm and welcoming anyway. My son has high-functioning autism (two Master's Degrees and writes and publishes regularly in the field of American history) but we have been ostracized by "the family" nonetheless -- not invited to my brother's daughter's wedding and stuff like that beause apparently as my brother said to me "he's not normal". I have discovered that there are other ways to live -- we have a wonderful "intentional" family we have created of friends. One of them recently knocked on the door with a freshly made turkey dinner (!), another showed up with a new warm winter coats and sweat pants for my son for holiday gifts. Still another sent a $100.00 gift card for a local market. I am really blown away by the kindness and generosity that we, as a single parent, special needs family, have experienced... We have discovered several older people who are alone and are visitng them and bringing simple gits - a chocolate bar from Trader Joe's or fresh-cut flowers. This year I wrote at least thirty holiday cards to people we love (NOT biological family members) telling each and everyone that we love and cherish them. Tomorrow on Christmas Day we will take our dog for a walk in a beautiful nearby park and take photos so we can regularly rejoice in the beauty of nature. I refuse to let the photos of family gatherings bother us. Family can mean many things and there are plenty of people out there who you can embrace and will embrace you. Blessings and light to you and your husband!

REPLY
2 replies
Mentor
Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Dec 24, 2021
In reply to @jenniferhunter "Becky, your stories about Christmas dinner for service men reminds me of many years ago when..." + (show)
@jenniferhunter

Becky, your stories about Christmas dinner for service men reminds me of many years ago when our family hosted 8 men from Great Lakes Naval Academy for Christmas day at our house. That was one of the best Christmases I can remember, not for anything material, but for the warmth and good feelings of simply spreading joy among some guys who could not go home or who didn't have a family that they could go home to.

This year on Christmas, I do have some chores to do feeding horses where my horses are boarded. I plan to sing some Christmas songs to them. I think they really like that because they like when you talk to them. All of them get excited and welcome me (about 20 of them) when I bring them their dinner. They are pasture boarded, so I will be outside walking around to their paddocks and hoping for nicer weather.

If you don't have horses, dogs and cats might enjoy a nice concert of Christmas songs. I know my cats like it when I sing! They cock their heads and look at me. Singing also makes me feel good.

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@jenniferhunter what a great way to spend the day! A concert for the animals!

REPLY
Mentor
Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Dec 24, 2021
In reply to @virgogirl7 "Carol, Your comments really resonated with me. Our family consists of my son and our Bichon..." + (show)
@virgogirl7

Carol, Your comments really resonated with me. Our family consists of my son and our Bichon Frise -- the biological family is not in the State where we live and has never been warm and welcoming anyway. My son has high-functioning autism (two Master's Degrees and writes and publishes regularly in the field of American history) but we have been ostracized by "the family" nonetheless -- not invited to my brother's daughter's wedding and stuff like that beause apparently as my brother said to me "he's not normal". I have discovered that there are other ways to live -- we have a wonderful "intentional" family we have created of friends. One of them recently knocked on the door with a freshly made turkey dinner (!), another showed up with a new warm winter coats and sweat pants for my son for holiday gifts. Still another sent a $100.00 gift card for a local market. I am really blown away by the kindness and generosity that we, as a single parent, special needs family, have experienced... We have discovered several older people who are alone and are visitng them and bringing simple gits - a chocolate bar from Trader Joe's or fresh-cut flowers. This year I wrote at least thirty holiday cards to people we love (NOT biological family members) telling each and everyone that we love and cherish them. Tomorrow on Christmas Day we will take our dog for a walk in a beautiful nearby park and take photos so we can regularly rejoice in the beauty of nature. I refuse to let the photos of family gatherings bother us. Family can mean many things and there are plenty of people out there who you can embrace and will embrace you. Blessings and light to you and your husband!

Jump to this post

@virgogirl7 You story really touched my heart. Thank you

REPLY
anonymous-260206 | @anonymous260206 | Dec 25, 2021
In reply to @virgogirl7 "Carol, Your comments really resonated with me. Our family consists of my son and our Bichon..." + (show)
@virgogirl7

Carol, Your comments really resonated with me. Our family consists of my son and our Bichon Frise -- the biological family is not in the State where we live and has never been warm and welcoming anyway. My son has high-functioning autism (two Master's Degrees and writes and publishes regularly in the field of American history) but we have been ostracized by "the family" nonetheless -- not invited to my brother's daughter's wedding and stuff like that beause apparently as my brother said to me "he's not normal". I have discovered that there are other ways to live -- we have a wonderful "intentional" family we have created of friends. One of them recently knocked on the door with a freshly made turkey dinner (!), another showed up with a new warm winter coats and sweat pants for my son for holiday gifts. Still another sent a $100.00 gift card for a local market. I am really blown away by the kindness and generosity that we, as a single parent, special needs family, have experienced... We have discovered several older people who are alone and are visitng them and bringing simple gits - a chocolate bar from Trader Joe's or fresh-cut flowers. This year I wrote at least thirty holiday cards to people we love (NOT biological family members) telling each and everyone that we love and cherish them. Tomorrow on Christmas Day we will take our dog for a walk in a beautiful nearby park and take photos so we can regularly rejoice in the beauty of nature. I refuse to let the photos of family gatherings bother us. Family can mean many things and there are plenty of people out there who you can embrace and will embrace you. Blessings and light to you and your husband!

Jump to this post

Thank you! I have one daughter who lives in another state, and a brother and sister in France. I live by myself, I have become bitter, yet, yesterday, Christmas Eve, I decided to change this, I do not know how long it will last but I will endeavor to focus on the positive in my life. Although a Christian, the only emotional support I receive is from a Rabbi in New Jersey (I do not live in New Jersey). My neighbors too busy with the Christmas preparations... I followed the Friday night service via zoom, and was deeply touched when the Rabbi pronounced my name out-loud and asked his congregation to pray for me. There is unity for those who trust God.

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Lori, Volunteer Mentor | @loribmt | Dec 25, 2021
In reply to @anonymous260206 "Thank you! I have one daughter who lives in another state, and a brother and sister..." + (show)
@anonymous260206

Thank you! I have one daughter who lives in another state, and a brother and sister in France. I live by myself, I have become bitter, yet, yesterday, Christmas Eve, I decided to change this, I do not know how long it will last but I will endeavor to focus on the positive in my life. Although a Christian, the only emotional support I receive is from a Rabbi in New Jersey (I do not live in New Jersey). My neighbors too busy with the Christmas preparations... I followed the Friday night service via zoom, and was deeply touched when the Rabbi pronounced my name out-loud and asked his congregation to pray for me. There is unity for those who trust God.

Jump to this post

Good for you! I’m so encouraged to see you want to change your perspective from being bitter! It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, “ I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it will be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it!” Groucho Marx

I hope this year finds you with a new attitude of taking charge of your happiness. Finding emotional support with a spiritual leader can be very beneficial. I’m so happy you feel this unity with the Rabbi in New Jersey. But you mentioned you don’t live there! How did you come to find him?

REPLY
anonymous-260206 | @anonymous260206 | Dec 25, 2021

Well, I was reading his book, and having a mental "discussion" with it, correcting his English; so I looked him up, sent him an email "telling" him that his grammar needed some improvements, listed some of my comments, he replied, agreed with me, and asked me if I would consider reviewing the book, I agreed, and we, he and his wife, since then have become friends. He has been a strong emotional support and I feel comfortable sharing with him when I get too depressed.

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