Holidays are not happy, family times for everyone

Posted by Retired Teacher @retiredteacher, Nov 20, 2019

This time of year from Halloween through New Year’s is not a happy time for everyone. It is not for me and my husband because we have no family. All the adds and activities that show families around the table chatting and talking and enjoying all the special food and fellowship just make it worse. It’s hard to have a glorious time because we’ve never experienced the family tradition. I prepare the traditional food, but there is no real celebration. I just want everyone to know that this time of year is not always what it’s advertised to be. It also brings depression and hurt and a feeling of being left out. However, it’s always been this way for my husband and me, so we are used to it. We don’t buy each other gifts, but choose a needy child and buy for that child. We prepare donations for the food banks in our area and try to do what we can to help those who have family but little else. I know there are other people like us, soI just wanted to remind others that not everyone has family to celebrate with. Rather than the jolly, we celebrate the spiritual aspect and welcome a new year.
Carol

Beautifully said!
Our friends and neighbors travel to their children’s homes.

Our children and family are far away. We used to visit: We were asked to take care of them when
they were sick. Now they travel with in laws who would not travel to take care of them. Life!
I have no regrets.

REPLY

We invite those whose relatives are also far away. Better than a pity party😢🥰

REPLY
@helenfrances

Beautifully said!
Our friends and neighbors travel to their children’s homes.

Our children and family are far away. We used to visit: We were asked to take care of them when
they were sick. Now they travel with in laws who would not travel to take care of them. Life!
I have no regrets.

Jump to this post

@helenfrances Having no regrets is the life to strive for. And kudos to you to invite those who may be alone or want company. This will be our first holiday season in this little town. My husband is due up here tomorrow morning for a week. We haven't decided what we will do, yet.
Ginger

REPLY

There is one thing that is constant: CHANGE!
( I don’t know who said that, but isn’t it true!

REPLY
@gingerw

@helenfrances Having no regrets is the life to strive for. And kudos to you to invite those who may be alone or want company. This will be our first holiday season in this little town. My husband is due up here tomorrow morning for a week. We haven't decided what we will do, yet.
Ginger

Jump to this post

Enjoy each other and the change in ‘scenery’.
An adventure!
Who knows who you may meet!

REPLY

@retiredteacher This is an excellent discussion to have. People seem to have crazy ideas about perfect families and there’s not a care in the world, but I think it can be a sad time for so many. Before I retired, I would volunteer to work (as a nurse) on Christmas Eve Or Day. It felt good to be able to give someone the day off. But, really, being at work in the hospital, was a great place to be. We had time to spend with those patients without families and to share with staff who also had no one. Now, with our sons away and with their own families, we build new traditions for us.

REPLY
@gingerw

@helenfrances Having no regrets is the life to strive for. And kudos to you to invite those who may be alone or want company. This will be our first holiday season in this little town. My husband is due up here tomorrow morning for a week. We haven't decided what we will do, yet.
Ginger

Jump to this post

Sounds wonderful: holiday with your husband in a little town for a week. Going with the flow….There is nothing like a change in scenery. Enjoy!

REPLY

@retiredteacher the holidays, as you say, are not happy times for everyone. This year my husband and I will be alone for Christmas. My son will be going to his in-law’s and coming for a visit on the 28th for a few days. My daughter and her husband decided since our son will not be getting here until then that they will wait until then also. My kids know that I am not a demanding mother and I would never put them on a guilt trip so that makes life easier for them. Sure, I wish they would be here but we will see them eventually.
Carol, I love that you use the time to give to a needy child and donate to food banks. I always make a monetary donation to the Food Bank. I did volunteer work there for a while so it’s a charity that I feel close to. One year when it was just us and our daughter, my daughter and I wanted to serve at the Food Kitchen but my husband did not want to so we stayed with him.
I think in this time of joy and spirituality that it is especially important to remember those less fortunate, whether simply from a secular standpoint, since it is a time of “goodwill” or from a spiritual standpoint. If I knew someone who would be alone I would love to share our meal with them – I will cook a nice holiday dinner.
JK

REPLY
@becsbuddy

@retiredteacher This is an excellent discussion to have. People seem to have crazy ideas about perfect families and there’s not a care in the world, but I think it can be a sad time for so many. Before I retired, I would volunteer to work (as a nurse) on Christmas Eve Or Day. It felt good to be able to give someone the day off. But, really, being at work in the hospital, was a great place to be. We had time to spend with those patients without families and to share with staff who also had no one. Now, with our sons away and with their own families, we build new traditions for us.

Jump to this post

What a beautiful ministry… visiting the sick, those who possibly have relatives who are far away or taking care of small children.
The staff must really appreciate you.
Blessings!

REPLY
@becsbuddy

@retiredteacher This is an excellent discussion to have. People seem to have crazy ideas about perfect families and there’s not a care in the world, but I think it can be a sad time for so many. Before I retired, I would volunteer to work (as a nurse) on Christmas Eve Or Day. It felt good to be able to give someone the day off. But, really, being at work in the hospital, was a great place to be. We had time to spend with those patients without families and to share with staff who also had no one. Now, with our sons away and with their own families, we build new traditions for us.

Jump to this post

I agree @retiredteacher good conversation. Personally, I've always looked forward to the holidays over the course of the year and while I miss my wife more than usual during them these days, I never realized how many folks are made miserable by them.

Good to know and now I'll be more inclined to keep my enjoyment and celebration of their meanings to myself.

Strength, courage, and peace

REPLY

@retiredteacher In my family, which is much much smaller now Dave and I go to my sister's. I use to do Christmas but can't seem to do either holiday right now. When I use to do it there was always someone with us who had no place else to go. I find that giving always makes me feel better. What is sad for me is that my son never makes it home from the west coast for either day. But my sister's side seems to be growing and I love love my oldest nephew and his partner and he folks who come up from Brazil. I like what you said Becky- no family is perfect, there are always weeds in the perfect lawn so the grass is not always greener. But being alone is also a choice because there is always some place that needs someone to give of their time, even if it's not ideal. Life isn't always kind, but we can be.
That said I wish for everyone a peaceful and healthy Thanksgiving.

REPLY
@contentandwell

@retiredteacher the holidays, as you say, are not happy times for everyone. This year my husband and I will be alone for Christmas. My son will be going to his in-law’s and coming for a visit on the 28th for a few days. My daughter and her husband decided since our son will not be getting here until then that they will wait until then also. My kids know that I am not a demanding mother and I would never put them on a guilt trip so that makes life easier for them. Sure, I wish they would be here but we will see them eventually.
Carol, I love that you use the time to give to a needy child and donate to food banks. I always make a monetary donation to the Food Bank. I did volunteer work there for a while so it’s a charity that I feel close to. One year when it was just us and our daughter, my daughter and I wanted to serve at the Food Kitchen but my husband did not want to so we stayed with him.
I think in this time of joy and spirituality that it is especially important to remember those less fortunate, whether simply from a secular standpoint, since it is a time of “goodwill” or from a spiritual standpoint. If I knew someone who would be alone I would love to share our meal with them – I will cook a nice holiday dinner.
JK

Jump to this post

@contentandwell My husband and I will be alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas, but that is the usual routine. You are blessed that both of your children want to come and you can enjoy everything together. We don't have that so it's always just the two of us. I would love to be able to work at a food kitchen and help feed the homeless, but my husband and I are not able to do that. So we do what we can and enjoy being together. We do decorate and have holiday décor that makes the holidays happier.
Carol

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.
  Request Appointment