Can Joy and Grief Live Together?

Not yet. I lost my husband only last week. I know I have to move on. Am trying very hard.

Karama.

Hi @karama I believe a week is nothing in the world of grief! Give yourself as much time as you need. I found there is no timetable nor common steps in grief. Each journey is as unique as our love for our lost loved one. I hope this makes sense.

Please don’t feel like you need to move on. You need to experience the grief as hard as that may be. For me it is like waves in the ocean. Sometimes they are mild and I just float with them. Other times the waves are so big I give into them and try to stay afloat. November 26 th will be seven years since my husband passed. Unfortunately, it was a violent and unexpected death. My ptsd comes raging up every November. It is so so hard, but I try to go with it and wait for the waves to subside. Please know you are not alone.......

@karama . Goodness, I will confess that when you wrote the words "move on" in your post, I got an awful feeling. How many times have we heard people who have NOT suffered loss say that to we who are grieving? And even people who have lost loved ones say those dreadful words. There is no "moving on", in my humble opinion. There is, however, a form of "moving FORWARD " . I think all of us here on this particular forum are trying to take those tiny baby steps forward. There is no time table for grief. There might be a "new normal", although I haven't found that for myself. Many people have, however, but I imagine that takes an interminable amount of time. Please accept my virtual prayers for your healing.

We always said that we will never get over the loss of our son but we will get through it. I am thinking of you and praying for you. I remember that first week all too well. It was so painful and I was in such a fog.

@georgette12 I like what you said about "moving forward" rather than "moving on." I think I will edit my first post and change it to "moving forward." Great idea! Thanks!

Hi All: In this discussion, I hope we can see that we can still grieve and yet live our life. Grief does not have to be both tracks of our life. On one track we shower, eat, do the dishes, sweep the floor, go shopping, make breakfast but on the other track we remember our loved one and we grieve. Does that make sense?

@karama Please accept my sympathies on the loss of your husband. I agree with @IndianaScott that one week is way too soon to think about moving on. Your grief is too new at this point.

If you are comfortable doing so, please share with us a little bit about your husband. Let us all get to know him. As you share yourself with others it will help ease the feeling of aloneness.

I find your observation so completely accurate. I have a career that is all-consuming during my work week. I am able to think of my mom, whom I lost just over two years ago, with relatively little grief. I think of funny stories she told when I was a little girl, delicious Italian dinners, her immense beauty--and can actually feel joy.

On Sundays, however, I inevitably feel some degree of sadness. Perhaps some of that is that I lost Mom on a Sunday. I have come to accept this as my reality. I am still productive. I can still laugh. I can see tomorrow.

Not long after I lost Mom, I read something about grief that made complete sense--and that I have found to be absolutely accurate: Rather than fading with time, grief weaves itself into every aspect of our lives. It, then, does live alongside joy.

It makes absolute sense.