On a Road to Catastrophe?

@lisalucier

One of the things about which I catastrophise is how my wife could survive if I die before she does. We don't fit the label of hoarders, but both of us enjoy collecting specific things. I have more than 500 hymnal, more than 600 ties, and I enjoy finding vintage tools. I have a couple of pegboards in the barn and the garage so I can enjoy seeing them. I do most of my woodworking in the garage. I won't say how many suits and sports jackets, shirts, shoe, blue jeans, slacks, chinos, Pendleton shirts and sweaters, and all of the vests, sweaters and socks that my wife and I have knitted. We both like to collect dishes. We could set up 6 families with dishes, etc. Of course we add to our collections at thrift stores and yard sales

My wife totally wins the trophy for number of books. We built a craft shed last year for her fabric and yarn.It'saround 14' by 24', and she still has a closet full of fabric in the guest room and does most of her sewing in the family room. We found an old oak school teacher's desk, and her sewing machines are set up there. I collect Bicentennial stuff and little pencil sharpeners. My books are in the garage on bookshelves that I built. And speaking of making shelves, I built a lumber rack in one of the carports to hold the lumber and moldings there that I've gathered over the years. I almost always do woodworking out of my stash and don't have to go to a store for wood, nails and screws and varnish and paint.

Now that we're 69, we've narrowed down the things we collect, trying to think about what a monumental task it will be for our kids when we die.

I'm trying to figure out what the point of all of this is. Oh yeah. Catastrophizing. Then there's minimizing. Our friends and family do this when we have an illness that isn't visible. Depression is one of those illnesses. I spent my life wearing a mask. In fact, my first psychologist told me that I was the best mask wearer she'd ever counseled. I hadn't ever seen that in myself, but she was spot on, for sure. Certain masks I still wear, partly for self-preservation. I suppose that it could be good, but I'm not a full disclosure kind of person. As much as I've shared in this group, there are a few things that I will never (oops. There's one of the words that rarely allowed in my statements, along with the coulds and shoulds) share here. Sorry. Now you all can try to figure out what that's about.

Maximizing is a close relative of catastrophizing. My wife has pointed it out when I do those things. I nev...I didn't use to worry. I could handle the ups and downs of life.

Have others faced the different meanings of worrying about stuff and anxiety disorder? I've mulled it over often and I haven't come to a conclusion that I can live with. People who've never had the disorder usually lump the two together. But I knew when I started dealing with anxiety that it was way more than simple worrying, which really isn't all that simple.

I had the brain MRI today. I'm pretty seriously claustrophobic, so I took a second Klonopin, then they gave me a small dose of Xanax. I didn't have a panic attack this time, but I kept my eyes closed and prayed and counted forward and backward. I think it was such a small dose that it had neither a tranquilizing effect nor an overdose. But it was probably a good idea for my wife to drive the hour home.

How about we maximize the blessings we enjoy.

Jim

Hi @lisalucier, @jimhd, @guener and others,

While this type of catastrophizing has not been with me, I know of others who have experienced it. I have an elderly family member who does the same thing. If she can't reach someone within a short period of time, she will envision them on an operating table, in a horrific auto accident or lying dead. She had a tremendous loss when she was a teenager, losing two close family members at the same time. I've always felt that her catastrophizing was a result of underlying, unresolved grief and/or possibly undeserved and false guilt.

If you have this type of catastrophizing, I would suggest that you take a moment to write down how you are feeling at that very moment, what feelings you are experiencing, and what it reminds you of from your past, especially moments of great stress, surprise, harshness, etc.

This may work if it is related to some buried or difficult memory that has not been fully faced or dealt with.

I think that my anxiety issues are bound to two factors: I wasn't in a loving, nurturing environment while growing up and felt uncertain of everything to the point of self-generating fear; and, I am a perfectionist that gathers my self-esteem largely from the approval of others. From the first part I have a distrust of my circumstances and that others will be there to help me when I am in a place of uncertainty, while from the second I have an unhealthy and impossible imposed structure on myself that I alone can create worth through achievement where my standards are so high. I have begun to trust others' intentions on being there for me now, with some difficulty, while it is harder to change my expectations of myself and to find my own self-worth. When I believe that I am unsafe or that incapable of meeting high goals, I run to my place of a terrible outcome that is irrational but feels real to me.

I think that what you've said here, @hopeful33250, fits for me. I lost two cousins close in age to me in car accidents, one as a senior in high school and one as a college student. One of these cousin's mom died unexpectedly at 44 in a colon surgery a couple years before the daughter's death. I probably have unresolved grief and fears related to these situations. Good idea to try and write down what it reminds me of when I'm catastrophizing a delay in arrival or similar.

@lisalucier Yes, I do this. I like @jimhd comment about maximising our blessings, but that is really difficult in our stinky disorder of depression, isn't it? At this point in time, my husband is making a trip 800 miles each way, about once every six weeks, to bring up the household here to our retirement property. I catastrophise a [logical to me] scenario. Accident or worse, as he has refused to get all his affairs in order, name his beneficiaries, created an advanced directive, etc. Coming from a legal background that I do, this is unconcionable [sp?] and a disservice to me. His approach is "nothin's gonna happen". Past experience in the legal system, seeing what happened in families with no documentation, makes this a priority for me.
Ginger

Great idea, @lisalucier. If you explore what I call the "root fear" it will cause the current worry to lessen in its impact on you. Our past really has a way of interfering with the present, doesn't it?

@gingerw You are so right and in the hospital its so important to have a POW and living well .

@hopeful33250 You are so right this is where Tapping is so valuable the Emotional Freedom Technique has been proved that the Meridians and the brain can be changed in your thoughts as well as for pain The pain summit is starting Nov. 11 that I'm signed up to participate in .

I worked in a law office for a number of years, @gingerw, and people often don't prepare their wills or patient advocates unless they are facing major surgery. I remember going to the hospital with the attorney I worked with and we would be having people signing their documents before being wheeled into the operating room. End of life issues are very difficult for folks to face.

@lisalucier

That was an impressionable age to be losing family members in such an unexpected and traumatic way. Your fears are understandable. I can imagine that even the sound of traffic noises might bring those fears to the surface as well. Some grief counseling might be helpful to you also.