What is your anxiety like?

Hey johnhans, I too was Hans for the first 12 yrs. of my life, glad to meet another, but I digress from the discussion. You are correct about the SAD light. I have had a long journey, 68 years, with anxiety, depression, concussions, traumatic brain injury, SAD, PTSD. I have all and more of the symptoms and conditions others have described. I have been on various SSRI drugs and benzodiazepines, I have stopped them, had withdrawn, started again and dealt with start up side affects. The only one that works for me is Paxil, I take the maximum dose age 60mg, increased to this gradually over many years, been taking it for over 20 years. 6 months ago the most miraculous happened, out of the blue my brain changed, almost all the symptoms have gone away or are reduced to next to nothing. I have no idea why, I will never stop the Paxil, but am very estatic about the change.
I would like to help anyone I can, I’ve been through it all!

@jh31251 This shows how we are all different. Paxil did very little for me. I take Sertraline, Zoloft is the name brand. I had to go up to 150 when 50 is the normal amount. It pretty much controls my SAD, and does control my depression and anxiety at other times of the year. I think it is neat that your brain chemistry corrected itself. I had a period in my 20s when things worked well, but as I got older, I got worse.

@jh31251 and @johnhans It is very educational for us to read your stories about SAD and different medications. It points out, once again, how we are each individuals. What works for one may not be of any benefit to the next person in line, and it is good to hear from everyone! So, thank you for stepping up in this discussion! @jh31251 Welcome to Mayo Connect.
Ginger

Hi Lisa, I've had anxiety since I was young. It would manifest as knots in my stomach, or I guess a nervous stomach. Then spiral down to worry, racing thoughts, feeling dizzy or off balance, lack of appetite and sometimes panic I also would get upper chest pains which landed me in the ER several times over the years, only to be told I was fine..... I've been on antidepressants 3 different times in my life. Once in my 30's for a year (Buspar) Once in my late 40's due to a major relocation (again for about a year)(Paxil) and the last time in my late 50"s due to a major life change (Lexapro). The first two times I weaned off with very few side effects. The last time I was put on Lexapro, which helped, and was on it for 8 years. I weaned very slowly but still went through awful withdrawals for almost 10 weeks.
I was 66 when I went off Lexapro (10 moths ago). It was a nightmare. I was on the Lexapro for a long time and having gone through menopause I no longer had sufficient hormones to help. I tried to get back on the Lexapro after about a month but the side effects from trying to get back on were worse. So I had to use all my resources and work thru it. Started acupuncture once a week for 6 weeks, massage, no alcohol , no caffeine, no sugar, B12 shots, meditation, yoga, and a lot of walking. I would have to get up every morning, even though I didn't sleep, and go for a long walk, and would walk again after work, and whenever I would feel the anxiety presenting itself physically. I had good days and bad days. After about 8 weeks I started some CBD oil that I got from a reliable source. It helped get me through. It worked slowly and after using it for about 2 weeks I felt like I was going to be ok and I felt great for about 4 months.. when I started going thru some changes in my life (and they were good changes.) (Change seems to trigger a lot of my anxiety) So here I am again with the nervous stomach, worry, and just general nervousness. I really don't want to go on medication again but definitely have not ruled it out.
I still meditate almost every day using the app Headspace, try to exercise, and watch what I eat and drink. It's a constant struggle and somedays I just think medication would be so helpful. I was tested for the MTHFR gene, which I do have, hence the B12 shots, which help a lot.
These forums have been so helpful. I guess I don't feel so alone . Hey, thanks for listening. Anxiety can be so crippling and all and any support is a God's send.

Nancy, I read a book titled, "What you Can and Cannot Change," several years ago that began changes in me that helped anxiety greatly. I don't believe that there is any one magic thing to do, but this was a starting place for me. The author refereed to reprogramming the radio in your head. I began to notice how my thoughts looped on negative and sometimes angry things. Things I felt helpless to change. I would ride to work every day in dread. The man I worked for was a bully, a racist, and a bigot. He gossiped and criticized everybody and everything. I felt trapped. I had a mortgage and child support and was afraid to quit. I was also separated from my son due to divorce and my ex had taken him seven hours away. I began to work on the radio in my head, replacing the dread and negative thoughts with things to look forward to in a day. Small goals that I built into a routine. Sounds similar to what you have described. I would look forward to a walk after work. I focused on regular practice of my banjo. A TV program. I read to my son everyday into a tape recorder and sent him the tapes weekly. Friends for dinner. It has been more than a twenty year process, but my life is now more joyful than anxious. It has been built in small steps that have changed my thoughts from dwelling in the negative to the positive. Yoga and meditation in the past two years have added a whole new dimension to living in a peaceful state of mind.

In recent years I have faced end stage liver disease that developed into cancer last year. I decided that if my time was to be limited, I would live every day I had left in joy. Facing the end of life brought a whole new perspective. But the truth is, no matter our health, each moment of life is a gift. Each moment we draw breath is one of hope. In August I received the miracle of a new liver and a chance to watch my grandchildren grow up. A trite as it sounds, counting my blessings each day brings me joy, in spite of the hard and scary parts of life. Anxiety wanders in unbidden at times, but gratitude for the gifts I do have is my safe place. It is a constant struggle. Thanks for sharing your story.

Wow @mostlybill - I don't think I have ever read a more inspirational post!!! You should write your own book! Thank you for sharing!

Hi, @nancyrc - you mentioned you are here again with nervous stomach, worry, and just general nervousness, and you also talked about change being a trigger for you. Have you experienced a big change in your life recently?

Hi Lisa, Yes I've had a life change although for some a good one. My husband retired a couple years earlier than planned and our plan was to buy an RV and go on the road full time. We sold some property we had, then had to move out of the condo we were renting as the owner was selling it. We purchased a new RV, downsized and moved in. I had to quit my job, which I loved. Right before all this came about I had gone off my antidepressant and was in the middle of withdrawals. I got thru the withdrawals, and was feeling good by the time we hit the road. About 3 months later I started getting homesick for family and friends and started getting anxious and having some stomach issues. We returned home after 4 months and were there (in an RV park) for about 6 weeks. After being home for 2 weeks I started to feel better. I felt grounded. Then we left and headed south. Started again with the stomach and anxiety
2 weeks later. Ugh!!!! I know it sounds like the perfect life and I'm grateful to get to experience all this, however my body goes into anxiety mode and I feel awful. I should be enjoying this and I want to. I'm at a loss as what to do. My doctor wants me to go on Effexor (a low dose). I'm so afraid of the side effects that MIGHT happen as my withdrawal from Lexapro was not fun. Anyway, thanks for listening.

@nancyrc- Sorry to hear about your dilemma! That does sound wonderful, but I can understand. I've dealt with anxiety issues for many years and have been on 1 mg. of Clonazepam for most of those years which has helped me immensely!
I find that whenever we leave home even for a welcomed vacation or even a holiday visit as we are on now to see our kids/grandkids, that I'm always a bit uneasy or worse. Being home I find is always settling for me. I have my routines and even though I really enjoy seeing are kids it is clearly not the same.
I hope you are able to find just the right medium and scrip that you tolerate well and enjoy the many beautiful sites we have hear in the good ole USA. Jim @thankful

@nancyrc Some people, myself included, like routine. Spontaneity may not be comfortable for you. The idea of traveling is appealing in the big picture, and perhaps you didn't realize how it would affect you emotionally. There is definitely something to be said for the familiar, the patterns of life. Honestly, perhaps you can see about working on it in your mind, and see if the pull of new places is worth the trepidation you feel. If you decide it is not, it won't be because you didn't try. A friend of mine did what you described, and it took her a year to relax; now she loves being on the road. Please let us know how it goes for you.
Ginger