Caring for Mother: She doesn't trust my care. Suggestions?

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Jun 12, 2019

<p>It’s only been about two months since my Mom fell and broke her shoulder. The problems started 4 days later when her hand and elbow became contracted and she became fearful of standing, walking, being pushed in a wheelchair, riding in the car, scared of the dark. She is scare of everything. All of a sudden she’s lonely, she wants me to sit in her room all night. She calls me all the time starting 30 minutes after I put her to bed. “Are you awake,” when she asks if I’m awake she doesn’t wand anything just wants to know. “What time is it,” she has a clock a inches away. “Is it morning?” “Can I get up” 2, 3, 4, 5, 6am “I’m thirsty, hungry, uncomfortable, adjust my pillow, open the window/door, I’m hot/cold. When I walk with her she screams out “SLOW DOWN, YOUR GOING TO FAST... we are stopped, not moving at all or “I’m falling” or “I’m going to fall.” It NEVER stops, NEVER. My Dad was paralyzed from the neck down and was more independent and he had total confidence in me. My Mom doesn’t trust me at all. She was independent prior to the fall and now she’s totally dependent on me for everything. Under the best of circumstances I seldom sleep. I’m often up for days. Good thing I guess. But I can’t keep this up. I don’t know how to get her to trust me. I don’t mind doing everything that needs doing, well cooking and cleaning isn’t at the top of the list but I keep us alive and the house hasn’t been condemned. So I suppose my question is, is she being reasonable?<br />Thanks,<br />Jake</p>

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Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | Jun 12, 2019

Hello @jakedduck1 Sounds like a tough patch for both you and your mom. Sorry to read about your challenges.

Personally I gave up early as a caregiver trying to figure out if my loved one's' demands were reasonable or not. I couldn't figure out how she viewed life once she became ill, so I just tried my best.

Has you mom been seen by a GP as t owhat sounds to be a substantial emotional change? Also did they give a reason for her fall? Maybe her fear is steming from something she hasn't or can't verbalize.

Leonard | @jakedduck1 | Jun 12, 2019

@IndianaScott
Hi Scott,
She hasn’t been seen by a GP specifically for any emotional change? Good thought though. We think she fell because she lost her balance while folding clothes, which she was told not to do. “Maybe her fear is steming from something she hasn't or can't verbalize.” That may be true be she is very good at verbalizing. I will ask the doctor about a brain MRI since she is having some problems with her left side.
Thank you Scott for you response.
Jake

Leonard | @jakedduck1 | Jun 12, 2019

This morning I fixed her some coffee and oatmeal (gag!) but she likes the flavored stuff and it’s relatively easy.
She asked for some raisin toast so I quickly reminded her this isn’t the Waldorf Astoria and I’m not the Galloping Gourmet. I went the extra mile this morning but told her not to expect 5 star service on a regular basis in the future.

kimspr3 | @kimspr3 | Jun 12, 2019

I AM NEW HERE. WHY AN I GETTING SO VERY MANY EMAILS FROM PEOPLE THAT DO NOT HAVE THE SAME INTERESTS AS MYSELF???

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Jun 12, 2019

In reply to @kimspr3 "I AM NEW HERE. WHY AN I GETTING SO VERY MANY EMAILS FROM PEOPLE THAT DO..." + (show)

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Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | Jun 12, 2019

In reply to @jakedduck1 "This morning I fixed her some coffee and oatmeal (gag!) but she likes the flavored stuff..." + (show)

Sounds pretty good, @jakedduck1 If you have any spare time you can fix me breakfast any day! 🙂

Leonard | @jakedduck1 | Jun 12, 2019

In reply to @IndianaScott "Sounds pretty good, @jakedduck1 If you have any spare time you can fix me breakfast any..." + (show)

@IndianaScott
Now that’s funny. You should have posted your comment in the joke section, lol. When I have any spare time the last place I’d be is in the kitchen.
Jake

Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jun 13, 2019

@jakedduck1 Leonard I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with your mother. It's always difficult to suddenly be placed into a caregiver mode for one's parents. Like @IndianaScott had mentioned, a full evaluation of your mother both physically and mentally maybe in order here. Sometimes a fall or physical upset tips the scale into a mode for the patient that they are no longer independent and must be cared for completely from then on. The fall may have triggered something mentally with rapid onset of dementia or Alzheimer's. But I'm not a medical professional as you know so it's not my place to make that kind of a diagnosis only a professional can do that. Is there anyone that can come in to spell you for a little bit so you can get some much-needed rest, a friend or relative perhaps?
Ginger