Loss of adult child to brain cancer

Hi Danielle. It is the most painful thing imaginable. I am so sorry for your loss of your precious daughter. I watched my son as we cut the umbilical cord and I watched as he took his last breath in hospice at age 28 on April 17th, 2019. Derek was in 82nd Airborne, served our country in the Army for 9 years, got out and was enrolled to start his music career on January 7th. But everything went crashing down on December 12, 2018. Suddenly a massive tumor in his brain. After 3 brain surgeries, a feeding tube and 6 weeks of grueling radiation, the cancer throughout his brain and spine were gone. Only to all come back in weeks and took him. He never left the hospital or walked again, he went into hospice on April 10th. I have found some comfort with grief counselors and much support from Compassionate Friends group, all parents who lost their precious child. They are a national organization with chapters in many states. I am learning that I have to somehow carry this grief all of my days of my life, it is hell and I am so sorry for all of us and our precious loved ones who had to endure this monster called cancer. 💔💔🙏🏻🙏🏻

Losing a child to cancer is never something we can plan for, likewise a sudden demise due to accident. Sometimes, honoring that child's life in some way helps with the grief, and gives their life meaning. Perhaps an ongoing program at their school regarding something they liked to do. An archeology club? A dance group? Perhaps a gathering in town planting trees/landscape, or poetry readings? It might assist in easing the hollowness.
Ginger

Thank you Ginger. Those are good ideas. I am looking to do a music scholarship in Derek’s memory when I am stronger and can concentrate better. 💔💔🎶🎶

@holly56 What a wonderful idea! Music can be so creative and healing, for the listener and player, both. What was Derek's instrument of choice, or genre of music?
Ginger

Hi Ginger. Derek made music through electronics and techno. He has a few songs on SoundCloud and iTunes, his travels to many countries inspired him. You can find him under D-Rex💔🙏🏻

Danielle, So very sorry. Why do these things happen? They say ‘pray’ but does that really help?
Here’s my recent story (sorry its lengthy)......bless you.
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I just returned from our girls week at 8pm on June 2 and talked to my husband about what fun our daughter and I had that week. Every year I visit her for girls week. At 6:15am that very next morning our son in law called us. We immediately, in shock packed and drove to Ohio ( we live in SC). Our daughter didnt make it to the hospital. I still cant believe shes gone. We are lost, empty and feel its all surreal.
Our daughter was generally fine, however she was taking Tamoxifin which has several bad side effects, worse of which is blood clots, which is what happened.
She was taking it for a year and her doctor only saw her twice. She also had other side effects, etc. I will write more later. We need help dealing. She was our only sweet child, a teacher and LOVED by everyone. She was amazing and was involved in many charities, projects, always giving, loving, helped everyone with anything, kind, people loved her.
We cant deal with this well; cant believe shes gone. We have no family here in SC (Hilton Head area). Not many friends ( they all work, we are retired) so its tough. Her school had a beautiful tribute to her by having a concert, a parade and candle-prayer Virgil. Hundreds of cards were received by us when we came home. I miss my sweet daughter so bad. We cry every day, just sick! Please help. My friend, Terri Martin who also belongs to Mayo Clinic Connect suggested I seek help with Mayo Clinic. Terri is wonderful!
Thank you.
Our daughter just “celebrated”
(July 28) her 15th Wedding Anniversary in Heaven. Yesterday, Aug 1 was her 46th birthday. Help!

@ihtak46
Oh Kathi I am so sorry for your loss of you amazing daughter. It’s crazy to hear what a wonderful human she was and then she was taken. My daughter was 10 and brought so many people joy and hope. She literally touched our whole community (Sonoma County) known as the “ Princess Warrior” and more within the two years of her battle! People from all over the world prayed for her made videos with signs in there states and sent them which were made into a video that played at her fundraiser and on you tube. I made a #teamdanica page on Facebook right when she got diagnosed so everyone that loved her or cared could see what was going on and her progress what out daily life was like. It was like a journal of our journey and a update site which brought us so many prayers (prayer warriors) love and strength. It’s what also helped me as I went and still go through it. I still update the page. September 15th will be her 11th bday and her first in heaven. This has been the hardest thing to go through and I’m only here still because I have a 8 year old who needs me. We are celebrating Danica’s 11th bday this month by having an event at the ocean on her bday at night called “light up the sky for boo” which is Chinese lanterns we are lighting up at a spot that’s over looking the ocean and safe to light them and watch them float up to her. It’s going to be beautiful and I know where ever she is she’s going love it. I miss her so bad. I don’t even know who or where I am or going. I’m completely detached and drained from pushing myself through each day to just wake up and repeat the same nightmare and pain each day. I pray for your pain to be lessened and guidance to show you the way. No will ever know our pain unless they have loss and buried there own child. It is a nightmare we live in everyday. When they left half of us went with them. 💔😭🙏🏻