~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

Hi Abby, It's difficult to think of positive things when one is depressed and financial strapped. It's good that you share by posting here. For now it's a good thing that you've got a place to live although not ideal but until you can make change/move. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi Jim ... thank you so much for taking the time to write such a kind note to me. I never did talk to my son about it, but maybe I should. He lives in Arlington,, VA, about 3 hours away. He doesn't get over this way too often. He's an Intellectual Property Lawyer, and I just have a sense that he would side with his sisters. Truthfully, I feel the biggest reason they all wanted me down here was because, as I age and become less capable of caring for myself, they won't have so far to drive (4 hours as compared to 20 min.). When my Dad was ill with Alzheimers, being an only child, it was all mine to deal with. I drove the 4 + hours every weekend for months and months to care for him, and eventually be sure he was well cared for in the nursing home. Not so with kids today. Now, we are to go to them to make it easier for them ..... not a thought what uprooting the parent might do. My kids are sweet, but I think it's the way our younger society has become .... selfish, self-centered, and not to be put out in any way. They have their lives! So, parent's become less important and an inconvenience. Having the parent live closer is much more convenient for them. I know this sounds cruel and I don't mean it to, but I do think it's the way our society has become. Things have totally turned around. There is no respect, appreciation of what wisdom the elder may have, no interest in their own family roots .... just nothing that doesn't directly pertain to them at the moment. I imagine, when I'm gone their kids will treat them the same way. I heard a story one time that fits ..... an elderly man lived with his son and grandson - about an 8 year old. The Dad was so sick of seeing his father slop his food all over himself that he built him a trough to eat out of like an animal. Years later when the Dad became old and frail, his son was building a trough in the yard. . When the Dad asked his son "why he was doing that?" the son answered .... this is what you did for Grandpa to avoid all that slop. That about says it.
abby

Hi Jim .... my kids have no idea how depressed I get, or that I deal with Bipolar 2. If I try to discuss it with them, because there is some evidence that it's genetic, they just change the subject.
abby

@amberpep I know what you are saying about kids today and relationship with parents I moved from Pa to help take care of my grandson best time of my life then as he got older in school he could stay till his Mom picked him up I'm in same area but only hear from them occasionally but no visits now so.it is different when we are older but I want him to enjoy his family and do as my husband and I did so it's not a regret for me He calls once a week so I've adjusted to this new world for me. Hope you can too

@amberpep I get it about talking with our children about depression and other mental health issues. I had talked with my daughter about the depression we both were experiencing, so she fully understands. She has periods of depression and talks with a therapist. My son is a different story. His response was that I needed to pray more and read the Bible more. He demonstrated a total lack of understanding and compassion. That was 15 years ago, and I'm not sure that he's ever figured it out. He and his wife are clueless about why I have a service dog, who, by the way, is most unwelcome in their house. It's hard for me to handle his judgement of me.

On the good side - both of them call nearly every day. My wife is usually the one who talks to them, but if we're sitting next to each other in our double recliner, we put them on speaker phone. Our son is a truck driver, and he calls when he's on his way back home, so we talk for a half hour or so. Our daughter calls and she and my wife use Bluetooth and will visit for as long as 5 hours. They just go about their day, chatting as if they were live and in person.

We have no interest at all to move so we can be close to one of our kids. Our son lives in Indianapolis, close to his in-laws, and our daughter is a Coast Guard wife, which means that they get transferred every few years. They're considering moving to Oregon when he retires. I think he has 5 more years of duty. It would be nice to see our granddaughters more often.

Gotta go. Time for a shower and bed.

Jim

I guess I'm having a real "pity party" today. I just feel awful. I barely get anything done, and don't much care. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. My son lives outside of D.C. in Arlington, VA and I'm watching the riots in D.C. They've defaced the Lincoln Memorial and there's a whole lot of them, from what I understand a group from somewhere else that causes trouble. I've called my son and told him if he felt unsafe to come over here (very western part of VA) and stay at his Dad's, who had a large house. But, he says he's fine and he probably is ..... just a mother's worry. I think it's best if I go to bed and read for awhile til I go to sleep.
abby

@amberpep - I understand how worried you are about your son. I definitely get like that. Then I remind myself how alert and cautious I was at that age. Life is not easy now. Changes too fast.
Sleep well!

@amberpep It's easy to get caught up in things that are happening, and glue ourselves to news sources. But often, it is in our better mental health, to severely limit our exposure. I have found myself not turning on the news more and more in the last couple of months. While I might very well miss seeing a human interest story, it also means I am not bombarded with so much negativity. That helps my frame of mind.

Believe your son when he tells you he is fine. Tune in to some comedy shows or movies. Do some drawing, or activity to help your mind.
Ginger

@amberpep @gingerw

I deactivated my Facebook account two years ago for the same reason. The negative, vitriolic comments were too much for me to handle. The only reference I go to almost every evening is the Oregon Health Authority, to look at the statistics, and I look at a news website for anything that I find interesting.

I find myself too often disobeying the medical advice not to look at any screen within an hour of going to bed, usually to catch up on Connect messages.

It's important for us to hang on to a positive perspective, resisting the medium - both news and social media - that can add to our existing depression and PTSD. I'm impressed with the level of resilience I see when I read between the lines of what I read here. You all contribute to my ongoing therapy.

Jim

@amberpep I am sorry to hear you feel you are not aging well, as this group is titled. What suggestions can you offer to us that will help us all be successful in our journey?

Perhaps @colleenyoung will move this over to the Mental Health discussion group, where you posted in the thread of "Not Making it Financially". More people will be able to see your post and respond to you.
Ginger