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Jumbled feelings
There are times when I seem to be feeling so many things at once. They all seem to meld into a big fat pain in the butt, an uncomfortable jumbled feeling. When I feeling depressed and angry, my PTSD raises its ugly head. And I feel as if things are piling up on me. I feel overwhelmed, wondering if I'll ever feel in control of my feelings and reactions again.
There are both primary and secondary emotions and they piggyback on each other-even tertiary feelings add to this, looking like a frog free-for-all. For example- If you are afraid that an ex will show up you might feel fearful and then become angry and this can feed another feeling like fight or flight reactions. Or you are told that you have cancer. You first feel shocked and frightened, then angry and resentful. Why me? I’m afraid that I’ll die.
One late afternoon I got angry at my husband for calling for me from another room to go see him. {{{MERRY}}}… I became angry and fearful and resentful. I reacted with feeling very anxious because it reminded me of how my mother would call for me so she could blame me for something that my twin did, or for something that I didn’t do well enough. It made me feel as if everything I did was wrong. It made me feel like a failure and I hated her for it.
Anger seems to be the beginning of a lot of these piggyback emotions. They are like jigsaw puzzles, all fitting into each other to make one big picture. I know that I’m most vulnerable when things aren’t going my way, or the way I think that they should be.
Feelings perplex and confuse and stump us- and many times we don’t stop and think why we react and feel the way we do, we just want to hide. And there are many more feelings than anger and fear that are negative that can hurt us and can make us feel horrible.
Here are some: Apathetic, bad, frustrated, guilty, depressed, gloomy, irritated, restless and sad. And there are more. What feelings piggyback on you? Have you felt other emotions that I didn’t list.
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@parus- I'm here always
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3 ReactionsI’m a jumbled mess this holiday season. Sad past family life has raised these bad feelings. I’m just waiting for them to dissolve so I can go forward and enjoy the season. I’m reading other’s responses for tips
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2 Reactionssuzanne1955 | @suzanne1955
I also have mixed feelings about holidays. Family has strained relationships and most have no interest in getting together for holidays. I have tried so often to arrange something, and then am disappointed when it never happens.
No perfect answer how to deal with holiday, here are few suggestions:
- I never watch "Hallmark" movies, they are fantasy and not real life.
- Avoid alcohol / drugs, just makes worse.
- Do random acts of kindness, something to put smile on someone else's face. It makes me feel better.
- Limit expectations, they just lead to resentment.
- Have a plan, reach out for help if needed.
Here is what I plan on doing the next couple of weeks:
- I have close friend who invited me to his house on xmas eve to celebrate with his family. Have done in previous year, at first felt odd including myself in his family, but they have become my adopted family during holidays.
- On XMAS day, will watch old movies (not - xmas ones) and treat myself to some self care. Soak in tube and do my nails. If nice, take dog for long walk.
If in crisis, 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is always available.
https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/
Wish you well
Laurie
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10 ReactionsYou have a great plan going! I hope your Christmas with your adopted family is filled with joy!
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4 Reactions