Inability to live a normal life — lost, scared

I keep trying to make positive changes. I reach out to others and end up being used. Just cannot take the trying and getting no where. When things get this way the only thing I can do is try to get myself calmed down. I love people. I enjoy them until they want me to do things for them all the time. I am at the point in my life I will NOT enable others. I am humiliated when I ask for help. I have been referred to a new primary care as the one I was seeing is leaving and has referred me to the new one that has been hired. She is internal medicine. I hope I can understand her English. So stressed and in extreme pain trying to live in a normal world. I have made connections here.

I know life can be really hard. I learned a hard lesson. I tried to find support in the wrong people who weren't able to support me. I dont like asking for help either. This is a great support. Find other ways to make connections in your community. Hope this helps

@suscros68
I don’t understand what the problem is in asking for help. True loyal friends don’t mind at all. I enjoy helping my friends whenever and however I can. If I take them somewhere or help them out when they are home I m able to spend more time with them which I enjoy. Of course they all know better than to ask me to cook, probably because of the yucky slop I always conjure up. I can even ruin a TV dinner. As far as being taken advantage of that is your fault if you allow it. I have been in that position too, but I only blame myself. As far as support goes sometimes people don’t think they are getting support because it’s not what they want to hear. But it’s often the best support you could ask for. A true friend doesn’t just offer superfluous advice but what they consider honest helpful meaningful advice. How can you not appreciate their concern and honesty.
Jake

@parus. Parus, what are you afraid of?.............Karen

To @davidinvegas. Personal tunnel...... It's pretty accurate. I'm 63 and started with a GM when I was 22. I haven't had head injuries for 15 years but remember well when I did. They still show. Lost a good job in 2003, and for 2 years had about 30 sticky-tabs on walls, doors, kit, bath, bed, front door, telephone, inside fridge, range, cabinets, to remind me what I was doing at each location when I got there. Memory was thinking someone tried to hide my toothbrush and not remembering if my sister spelled her name with a Y or an I. I hired people to drive me to work locations because in construction you can get away with it in the right place. However SS Disability doesn't cover the house payment and, a 2nd mortgage bought groceries and utilities. I had a truly crazy mean mother, worse than no help, and other large parts of the family visited by law enforcement regularly at my house. I've used quite a few meds over the time and I'm on a $2700 a month expensive one now (limictal XR), I get it $60 cheap but, gov or however the program works, it may not be covered next year or the next per the supplier stating they may not know. There is a little panic that goes with those thoughts in January. I'm just about maxed out for taking a larger dosage.

Our tunnels. I didn't tell anyone about my having epilepsy until probably 55 yrs old, and kept it to 3 or 4 people then. But by 63 it gets around with all the same-ol-same-ol that goes with it. No-help for a daily business of life. Getting older has made the tunnel easier only because, like several other items, there just isn't enough time to spend on personal assessments. Not spiteful or angry, just fact, no time. Tunnels, divorces, lost houses, work you can't have, the tunnel, the 2nd mortgage you knew wasn't going to last long. Scrambling. Giving up my own tough assessments of me happened over a 2 year period and I even started wearing shorts in the summer, haven't owned any since prob 15, bow-legged. The tunnel now is mental health degeneration with how difficult it is to fake it, but not letting it show, anywhere, lotta work. My sister has been gone 5 years, spells it with a Y. I try to measure from remembering it's a Y.

I'm fortunate right now in that seizures amount to 30 seconds of speech loss, memory that I'm fair on still learning how to hide. So that has afforded me sticking my head out of the tunnel, but I do live there too and likely will never crawl out much past my waist. David, my measure of fortunate doesn't give you the basic you need now. When some basics become 1% better I didn't know how to act. Maybe some of my act here will help you land easier when things actually do get better.

@karen00 In my comment above I was referring to being unable to understand the new primary physician’s English. I have had doctors in the past I could not understand. Not doubting their competence just understanding their questions, etc.

Hi, @davidinvegas - wanted to say hello and see how things are going with the anxiety you were experiencing?

@1634517678 - You mentioned you experience seizures that amount to 30 seconds of speech loss and memory. Are you experiencing these very often lately?

Seriously and not being snippy. I am not at all sure what defines a normal life.

@parus I think normal is when you are at a place in your life where you can be happy, can deal effectively with your problems without going over the edge, sleep well, and eat what your body needs. A place where you can enjoy socializing, hobbies, work, etc. A place where you can feel gratitude for what you have. That's my definition of normal, if that makes any sense. lol

@falon Hmmmm. Does sound nice. Had not really thought about it like this. I will admit it does make sense as well as like the ideal.