The Journey of Grieving

@maddiec - Hi Maddie-I think you are amazing! I want to share the following with you. It was a poem that was paraphrased by Robert Kennedy-
"Even in our sleep
Pain which cannot forget
Falls drop by drop upon the heart
Until in our own despair
Against our will
Comes wisdom
Through the awful grace of God"

Best wishes
Ainsleigh

@maddiec

What you say about the secondary losses is so true. The loss of your future plans and dreams is significant. I appreciate your continuing to share.

@kdo0827 this has resonated with me...when my husband was sick, it was by God's divine grace that I was able to deal with watching him deteriorate before my eyes...I felt God was on my shoulder the entire journey....
After he died, my faith was really tested for I didn't feel God's presence as strongly...Right before Christmas, I had a complete meltdown and prayed harder than I had ever prayed for God to handle this for me because I just couldn't anymore...honest to goodness, the next day I felt such a weight lifted off of me and really feel I turned a bit of a corner after that...so, maybe He was carrying me during the worst of my days....

@maddiec

I can so relate to your comments. When we first found out my husband's cancer was terminal, I struggled to accept the outcome. My husband encouraged me to lean on God and to accept HIS plan for us. I prayed and asked everyone I knew to pray for a miracle, but to also pray for me to accept that the miracle we received might not be the miracle I wanted. My prayer was for strength and a sense of peace. God gave my sweet husband a miracle.... he is resting in the arms of our Savior. God also provided the strength for me to endure the worst time of my life. Daily I believe God is blessing me with strength to survive another day. God has carried me when I just didnt have the strength to take another step. I believe through my faith, the prayers of friends, and the example my husband set for me, I will get through this one day at a time. I want to have the same type of testimony my husband had as he met Jesus face to face.

Today marks 5 months since my husband died...in so many ways it seems more like 5 years...there are still times when I can't believe he's gone..the permanence of it all is so hard to bear but...
I read somewhere that our grief is like going up this huge staircase..at the top is gratitude for all that has been given to us..we climb those stairs one step at a time sometimes coming to a spot where we must rest because we may feel we can't go on..we take one step always moving forward..
As we go up we look to reach the top, but more importantly, we look below us and see how far we have climbed...
That's my goal today...to focus on how far I have come up that staircase...
Peace to all..

The staircase is an amazing way to explain this journey. I also can pause and take a look back and see how much I have accomplished and the steps I have taken to move forward since my husband's death. I think there were many people (including myself) who had doubts about how I would do . I married my husband when I was 17 years old. He passed on our 34th anniversary. I remember feeling as though there was nothing left to live for. But I am discovering strength I didnt know I had. I am discovering that I can do this one step at a time. Dont get me wrong, I have many times where the grief overwhelms me and tears pour. But I am blessed and I am choosing to find something positive in every day. Take care

@ansleigh...that is lovely..thank you..
I know that my faith has gotten me through every moment of this terrible journey..
My husband and I had so many prayers for us during his illness..I am convinced that was a big factor in him lasting as long as he did.
God didn't give him cancer, but at the end He gave my husband the most peaceful and pain free transition one could only hope for..that was a true blessing..I am ever so grateful for that...

My husband and I prayed together every morning before starting our day and we gave thanks for what He provided us with. When he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer we continued our prayers and our faith. We prayed for a miracle and for complete healing. When we were told he had 2 to 6 weeks left we realized the miracle we were praying for was that God was going to take him home. The healing we were praying for was God was going to heal his body as he went home to be with God. Although that was not the outcome we wanted that was the plan God had and my husband accepted that if it was his time then it was his time. However it doesnt make it easy for all the undone that was left behind and the future we will not experience together here on earth and the absolute void in my life. It's been a little over a month and my heart aches like that one day he left. I'm sorry for the rambling, not sure where I was going with this...i just hurt all the time. I remain faithful and thankful for the life God gave me with my husband and for healing him. I now pray for strength because i cannot do this.

@rlealsan I truly am not sure there is any way to be completely prepared even when we have information of upcoming demise of a loved one. It is a stark reminder that we can only love for today as best we can. Remember, although he is gone physically, he remains in your heart forever. Don't let your heart become hard or cold because of the loss. Honor his life and your plans by continuing on and knowing he approves. It's not easy, noone said it would be. Please know we are here for you. Be gentle on yourself and take the time needed to grieve in whatever fashion is meaningful to you.
Ginger