Help for dealing with personality disorder in family member

My brain work includes sight reading music, painting water colors, reading a lot and writing posts on FB, as well as playing board games deemed to be brain games for kids and adults like Blokus, Banagram and others that can be found labeled as quality games.

@dd1931 and @martha7979

I'm happy to hear that my personal experience was helpful for you in knowing you are not alone. I agree that most people have no understanding about how crazy-making and heart-breaking living with a loved one who has a major personality disorder is. I deeply love my sister. Even writing this brings tears and heartbreak right now. I grieve her absence in my life as she is in such sad shape. I cannot have any contact with her at all. Even phone calls are not possible.

Her son, my nephew is, as you surmised in very bad shape emotionally. He's in his mid 40s now, and I worry about hearing someday that he's harmed a woman he's dating. He's never married, and can't maintain any relationships. I only hear about him and my sister through my brother who has stayed in touch with them. He can't keep jobs, and has been living with his mother, my sister, for several years now. The police are often called due to each of them torturing each other verbally and mentally. I had tried in the past to get them counseling help, but it only helped with my nephew who goes off and on for help. Not only is his mother ill, but his dad was as well. His dad once shot at him with a rifle when he was 13 years old. His dad had brain injury due to a car accident and was unstable after that. His dad died when my nephew was 17 years old.

So, the lives of all family members can suffer living with those with personality disorders. Counseling and help is the best way to keep the damage from overtaking the entire family. I wish we had been able to learn more about Borderline Personality years ago when it might have made a difference. I'm happy to hear that there is better understanding and help for those experiencing this problem now.

Your family's story is so sad, @gailb. Untreated mental illness is such a difficult problem and so many do not want to face it. It becomes a way of life and they do not realize that there is hope and healing.

@lisalucier Thank you for asking. It's been challenging. She is better than she was two weeks ago and it was decided that they were withdrawing her from the Effexor too fast. So they upped it again and I will see what happens when she is more stabilized. We had an emergency situation here with her and I did not like the way it was handled at all. I'm very proactive by nature and was told by my husband and son to let the experts do what they do. After several months of that, they wanted the bull back. 🙂 Yet I walk a very delicate line as she is an adult and needs to be empowered and make her own decisions. That verses the life experiences I have as an older person. Was not impressed with the therapist at all. The doctor I liked but didn't necessarily agree with, which is fine. I felt he had her best interests at heart. They are both doing fellowships at this hospital, which I was unaware of. I don't think I will meet with the therapist again, because as nice as I tried to be, she was being ridiculous and I spoke my mind which my daughter didn't like. So I think I'll stay out of that arena if I can. But it's hard. I wish this site had more members of parents with children who have mental problems. Just in speaking to a woman briefly that I recognized from when my daughter was in the hospital, helped me greatly. She was just speaking on how hard its been on her dealing with her granddaughter's illness. You never want to cross the line but I have so many questions I want answered. I just keep praying. Maybe things will improve. Thank you again for asking.

@hopeful33250 You are so correct, saying that untreated mental illness in a family is devastating to everyone involved, not only the person but all family members connected to that person. My mother was mentally ill and was treated for it in the very archaic methods used back in the early 1930s. We never knew anything about it, even our dad who was married to her for 53 years. He found documentaion after her passing in 1996, and went to her sister to ask about it. Even afterthat amount of time there was refusal to acknowledge it. There was always a suspicion but she was very good at masking and leading a double life in that respect. Over the decades I have watched my little sister with her mental health challenges, again untreated, and the problems it has caused her in her life. Like @gailb I had to cut her out of my life and not really acknowledge her because I cannot afford to be caught up in the issues that her disorder brings. It is not an easy thing by any shot of the imagination. But I am grateful for this Mayo Connect forum, learning how to deal with all of this and recognizing in myself that it is a survival tool for me to stay off of the roller coaster of depression myself. Thank you for being here.....
Ginger

Teresa, sometimes there is only hope. Sadly,in many cases, healing is not possible.

Hi, @dd1931 - if at any time you'd like to start a new thread or threads in the Mental Health https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/mental-health/ or the About Kids & Teens https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/childrens-and-teens-health/ group on parenting/treatment for a child with mental health issues, it would be most welcome. Here are directions on starting a new discussion, if you are interested https://connect.mayoclinic.org/get-started-on-connect/

My husband and I attended in 2008 when our daughter was just beginning to show signs of what was misdiagnosed as bi.polar. she actually suffers from borderline personality disorder. I plan to take the week family course again

So encouraging to see the words "in remiseion". I'm currently looking for a residential program for my daughter along with a new therapist and psychiatrist. Neither has a clue about BPD!!

Is the program residential? If so, would you mind passing on the name? I live in Oregon but am willing to go out of state if needed