No Love Involved Caregiver

kateia, thank you for checking in.

I am hanging in there.with things as they are. The more I surrender, the better off I do !!!!!

RE: self-care, I have a few hobbies, wood, green thumb, computer, some football. However, there are days I just don't have the interest, desire, or energy to do much of anything. As a psychotherapist by trade, yes, I see the depression in this this. Have a friend that comes in over Saturday night twice a month, when my wife, RN, is off. This gives us at least Saturday days s to get away. In Hospice, so respite is a service available through them. Have not exercised this option yet. No other respite option.

Never thought about checking hospitals for companions, thanks. Can't see the forest for the trees sometimes.

Actually, this may be the most developed response since I made my entrance here. That's a good sign I suspect.

Go Saints !

@godsgiver Although I thought about this awhile ago, I failed to mention it as a help aid. There are certain orders of Catholic nuns who are nurses. Some offer respite work to people in the cities near or where they are. You Don't need to be of their faith, you need to be in need of support. Two I can think of are Sisters Servants of Mary, and Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondolet [sp?]. Check also with you local Health and Human Services Dept. Hope this gives you some peace. Being a caregiver is so stressful.
Ginger

Just make sure you take some time for you and your family. Taking care of yourself is so very important. Especially when the holidays are creeping up on us. This site was my "venting" place when I was dealing with my mother's Alzheimer's disease. It's been so very helpful. Keeping everyone in my prayers.

Hello @godsgiver If you click on my name (@IndianaScott) you can see an option to email me directly. I hope everything is going as well as can be hoped! Nice that you have some outside interests (good luck to the Saints -- I'm a Notre Dame fan myself and just attended the Notre Dame vs. Northwestern game in Chicago). Good to hear you have some respite care options available to you!

. I am sorry that you have this. My mil when her husband enabled her and she didn't have a lif e with him and when he was sick at 44 (my age now) I hjad a baby and a three year old,now 23 and 20 grownup daughters.My mil has another son no kids a house w three bedrooms and a twenty min drive. He doesn't call her at all,when he had nobody,he was up our butts all the time clinging on,saw him and his wife at my daughter (she graduated college and her baby shower,my wonderful grandson,I have see three times,he is six months,my daughter won't bring him here his mom not into showers,smells like third hand smoke,she is always in our business,we would have to lie about going there clingy and needy,when his father died leaving her a quarter of a million including house she sold,she didn't work for seven years and lived off of uis for nine months to pay her mortgage was laying down all day,we gave up one of our daughter's bedrooms,she took over our living room,then we had to say landlord wanted to charge rent,the whole time she was staying off of us was to pay a timeshare she lost,she now is 62 had a stroke at 52 went back to chain smoking she was obese and short now diabetes 2 fat and round at the top skinny legs,does nothing won't wlk,my grandfather was 87 and would be in worse shape than her and would walk to the store,if something is on her bank settlement we pay rent I had to go into a hospital nervous breakdown my husband was like her. I told him to shit or get off the pot so he finally is working ft at a job he started nine months ago. His mom goes through our things,knocks on the door at 3 m when we have to lock and hide everything,the woman has a loud naally voice before the stroke selfish..I think we have done all we can and we are saving and leaving in spring and everyone,the ones who knew me saw me decompose but my head space was out of the zone. I was diagnosed with complex ptsd, but it took about five years to research,heal and cope in a whole new way. My work,cognitive skills were temporarily for a few years,impaired,have made a full recovery, Living here this time was supposed to be a year and a half my mom died at 59 young full time worker beautiful deserved better treatment than mil frumpy loks 80 and acts four we are finally getting a car next week after three years. She called my friend at te at night I was spending the night asked us to go get her cigarettes no..the next night there was a 4 car accident knocked the pole off of walgreens,well she sid it was 50 dollars to pick up her mes and I called my friend had a bit to drink and I had (during my breakdown)lost license but court dismissed it the cars were illegally parked and this happened when I lost sixty pounds and no eating sleeping. I am not taking a chance to drive the car. It began with the stressors in life. Transition..this was and is a normal stress for everyone,this was a lot of unwanted,uncomfortable and sadly,false pretenses of moving here to help each family to move up but it all completely backfired one by one,another transition was shawn losing his career and out of work for so long due to the economy and just in a rut,so buying a house in our name had to be put on a longer hold and the realtor passed away suddenly,The house with my carpenter father,visiting from Canada did 2000 dollars worth of work on this home and also when I was in the hospital,My mom's money went into this "chicken coop" house.It went back on the market in 2014 and almost sold,failed inspection..Needs a new roof and something else..grrrr..so i used the money I had,I was declared by four drs. to rest,stay out of work lay low for a year,impossible,my husband wasn't working and then told me he had Amazon and I thought that I would get my health back by moving so I paid nine months worth of an apartment it I am writing a novel about this decade,seriously am on page 36 and it is something I always wanted to do at this age,to write an autobiography,I loved to write since I began to write. I wrote my first little book when I was 7,wrote a column in a teen magazine and won a poetry contest for writing in my grandmother's magazine 100 dollars ,when I was sixteen. She sent it in and all she did was put her date of birth as you had to be 18,i won and it was published,lol high stress and three jobs in a toxic environment prior to my Mom's death and the dog attack.The dog attack was basically the straw that broke the camel's back,the prelude began about a year and a half after we left Rhode Island,slowly but a lot on my plate that I was responsible for but the ones,events out of my of my control ,a lot more than usual bad luck kept ongoing,nonstop the ups and downs were extinct during that period,2010 it was identity theft a few times,money stolen,other things stolen,his mother was always a manipulator and sneaky,the stroke has just taken the worst parts of her and magnified those ten times worse than the initial annoyance. Sadly the good part of her you don't see very much,she gave up in 2000 and I literally had a taste of caregiver burnout from her,helping her and she wouldn't meet us a step of the way forget half way,then we just have to pick up the pieces of her husband totally spoiled her as in enabled her and she never became an independent person,she has a very unhealthy attachment to my hubby,they call it surrogate spouse,enmeshment,busy body,,enabler,not even close of the parenting I had..It was just like sense of entitlement thinking, a ton of consequences that broke my nervous system in tatters(to say the least)My memory is in tact along with my cognition and I enrolled in college and am taking the rest of my courses to obtain my degree within six months,an associates in Early Childhood. I will then take the test for my CDA and already is opening doors for me. I am in the process of interviewing with Bright Horizons to work with infants,and is on the top 100 Forbes list. Has impeccable reviews with amazing benefits and will eventually lead to a full time position,401k tuition assistance to obtain my bachelor's etc. I spent 8 years paying disability back 60k and could gross 1100 a month as a hairdresser,all was on me got under the table jobs with it also to survive prior to losing my mom and the dog as a nanny at my job six month's after losing my mom in a freak accident their ill dog bit my face twice,two chomps 235 stitches,that is when I had a nervous breakdown after another and then lost my apartment,the doctors in one of my hospital visit said rest take a year off,I couldn't function and here I am back with this one,like a prisoner,I am healthier now,He didn't work I had paid nine months rent bought furniture all of that to get away,the nervous breakdown had to run its course

You have a caring heart, few would do as you are doing. The best of those we care for can have trying moments for us.

gingerw,

Thank you for checking in and your suggestions.

Having looked into this, I have not found a support group to access. I facilitate an Alzheimer's Caregivers Support Group and the ladies have been supportive of my evolved role with them.

Please unpack for me what you mean by "....come to grips ..."

Thank you for your support, al