No Love Involved Caregiver

THANK YOU for your words of honesty! My spousal caregiver situation is different, but yet so similar. Sometimes I wonder if I’m imagining things. Communication is extremely limited and most things are left to me, unless they are important to him.
Learning to think of myself first is extremely foreign to me, however, I know I must do this, in order to be a better caregiver.
Thank you again for your sharing.
Linda E.

@lindasmith Hello! And my heart goes out to you. I am my spouses caregiver also. He does not communicate as he is unable to "find his words". Actually he has been diagnosed with Primary Progressive Aphasia, non stroke related. He has mild to moderate cognitive disfunction and the alzheimers will manifest itself eventually, per his neurologist. Please listen to your needs and think of yourself often. Get respite care, do something fun and don't feel guilty. I am in therapy to do that as well. Trying to get my head around all that has transpired and the spiral that we are in. Husband is miserable as he knows what is going on. It is very depressing for both of us. This is the first week in three months that I am able to think straight. I hope you understand how important it is for both you and your spouse that you take care of your needs as well. God Bless.......DianaJane

To anyone writing on this subject-- Caregiving is a talent to some extent. Some do it naturally others do not. It's like music, art, or math-- as a teacher it is clear to me that talents are different and cannot really be acquired or learned. You can be thrust into it, but you may never really adjust. As one who knows he is not, I fear it just like an exam that you must pass but will probably fail or get a very low grade.

To anyone writing on this subject-- Caregiving is a talent to some extent. Some do it naturally others do not. It's like music, art, or math-- as a teacher it is clear to me that talents are different and cannot really be acquired or learned. You can be thrust into it, but you may never really adjust. As one who knows he is not, I fear it just like an exam that you must pass but will probably fail or get a very low grade.

I have not been put to the test; but I am following your care givers group very closely. I am 67 and my husband is 69. I have noticed some changes in him and I am fearing the future. What I read from you all, is very humbling and I am learning a lot. If cancer is not for sissies, caregiving sound not much different. I am a cancer survivor. My husband cared for me with so much love and patience, that I feel I need to get ready in case he would need me. You all are such big examples! Just keep the good work. As I said before, there is a lot of silent people listening to you. We want to be there for you too. If you think you are doing this just for a loved one, you are not. You are doing it for us, and you are doing it for yourselves. We notice and we thank you.
Loli

Hello @jshdma You have an interesting point of view on this.

I know in my situation the thought of being a caregiver never really entered my mind until the very day I had to be one. Looking back I know there are things I could have done better, but on the other hand I learned that often in life we never truly know what we are capable of until we must act.

Just as with exams...sometimes we surprise ourselves and ace that one we feared the most!

Strength, courage, and peace.

It seems to happen a whole lot more than I thought it would--not getting support from family members. I remember sitting endless days and nights next to my mom's bed in the nursing home. She finally went home to be with the Lord, 7 years ago. Those days seemed endless, but they sure taught me how to pray like never before! I am praying for you, "godsgiver." One thing that really surprised me is that the people you would expect to help you during this time, give you no support. Don't give up, "godsgiver" hang in there--the people on this site will support you, with prayers and encouragement.

@godsgiver ...first off, no words BIG enough to express the HUGE task you've taken on. Some of us are called to be servers. I often find myself doing and serving...why...because it's in my nature. That said, we're only human. We get tired, burnt out, feel unappreciated, and all too often, taken advantage of. I realize your in a situation that may not allow you to get away much, but what I find helps tremendously, is a few hours out doing what I like. I'm not a caregiver at home like you, but often the one who serves the family, or friends, for whatever the occasion, good or bad. When I tire doing good, i always pray God give me strength to do whatever He calls me to do, and to do it cheerfully, not grudgingly. Often, I need to take a step back, create some distance, or just play it cool for awhile. People usually get the hint. Perhaps during those times you could let those know around you (maybe wifey) your taking time out...a lunch with a buddy, fishing or whatever you like...I love my wine, LOL. Honestly, a few hours out, does wonders, so refreshing. Meanwhile, take it by faith, God sees, and you will be rewarded. Try praying to Him, if you haven't...and keep it up! I feel for you....Linda

I am so sorry for your situation. I’m glad that, as a male, you shared your story. I have certainly heard the same story from dutiful daughters who were mistreated as children. It’s good to get the male perspective, so thank you. I don’t have any tips to add, but if this happened to me I would consult an attorney who is skilled in this area. Or my pastor.