Don't Want To Be a Complainer

Posted by Bax @tbaxter33, Jun 26, 2018

As i was growing up, I heard my mom complain daily about pain and discomfort in various parts of her body. As a result, decided when I was younger that I would never be a complainer! I suppose I formed a judgment that my mom had a low threshold for pain and was just a complainer. I felt like people did not want to hear that, and it drove them away. I am now convinced that I was very wrong. For about the past 20 years of my life, I have had lower back pain which has become progressively worse over time. Over the more recent few years, I have chronic neck, shoulder, and upper arm pain which is severe at times and bad other times. MRI shows two separate syrnix lesions (one in cervical and one in thorasic area). Suspect cause for those is trauma due to a horse fall incident several years ago. No surgery is indicated due to risks and uncertain benefits. Also, degenerative disease mostly in the neck, but some in the lumbar area. Most recently, had RF ablation procedures done on the lower back. Worked good for about a month, but pain is back (mostly with standing and walking). Pain in neck and shoulders is terrilbe at times. Have tried Tramadol (which local docs DO NOT want me to take), and it does not really work for me anyway. Cannot take NSAID meds due to kidney issues. Hydrocodone works, but getting it is nearly impossible any more. [If you wondered, I have no history of drug abuse, addiction, or alcholism] I am SO AFRAID of becoming a chrinic complainer like I grew up with. In fact, I feel that the few friends I do talk to about it (probably 2 at most) have formed judgments and do not want to hear it. I even feel like the docs think I am a complainer -- perhaps to get meds -- which is simply and firmly not true. What do people do? Live with it and hurt? I am not retired yet -- have a couple or three more years -- but it is so hard to keep up this pace. Already frustrated and darkenss widening here. Thoughts?

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lioness | @lioness | Jun 29, 2018

In reply to @dianrib "for whats its worth TENS Never did a thing for my pain but who knows" + (show)

@marylou705 my chiropractor uses it On me before he adjust my back.I have mine at home that helps when needed .

friedamay | @friedamay | Jun 29, 2018

In reply to @brettmanning "Have you tried walking at least every other day? Exercise helps relieve mental and physical pain/stress...." + (show)

Found them in sporting good section of store. I think hikers use them. Don't make me feel quite as "old" using one of them instead of a cane. Also can lengthen them really easily to length you want

lioness | @lioness | Jun 29, 2018

In reply to @brettmanning "Have you tried walking at least every other day? Exercise helps relieve mental and physical pain/stress...." + (show)

@freidamay o.k. Thanks

marylou705 | @marylou705 | Jun 29, 2018

In reply to @brettmanning "Have you tried walking at least every other day? Exercise helps relieve mental and physical pain/stress...." + (show)

I was about to say that. Walking sticks are used by athletes, but if they work like canes to stabilize the body, I’m all for it. Just take care. A healthy friend of mine fell as she was stowing her sticks in the garage. She dislocated her shoulder! @marylou705. PS they tried me with a tripod cane in Rehab and fortunately they were holding on to me because I almost fell flat on my face! That’s why I came home with a walker. We live and learn, eh? My problem is imbalance from a stroke in January.

lioness | @lioness | Jun 29, 2018

In reply to @brettmanning "Have you tried walking at least every other day? Exercise helps relieve mental and physical pain/stress...." + (show)

@marylou705 I was going to ask if you had any residuals from your stroke When I close my eyes I have balance problems Im 75 A lady here who had a stroke her leg gets tired if she,s on it long.I,'ll be careful if I get them .I'm sure they help walking

marylou705 | @marylou705 | Jun 30, 2018

In reply to @brettmanning "Have you tried walking at least every other day? Exercise helps relieve mental and physical pain/stress...." + (show)

@lioness Yes, it is imbalance that is my problem. I’m 70. I need a walker to get around and my back kills me if I stand too long. Also have some fractured ribs and vertebrae from the two tremendous falls I took pre-op. This was due to the imbalance. @marylou705

Parus | @parus | Jun 30, 2018

@tbaxter33 Try not to be too critical of yourself. We all need to complain where we are safe. I find I get stuck in chronic complaining as it matches all of my chronic conditions. I can only hope others have better success with their doctors than I have had. Now everything is blamed on my age. Yup, I am also chronically old body wise. A wise old sage at times. My thinking is why go to a doctor when all they say is there is nothing can be done. OTC's I stay a way from as I do not want another chronic condition.
Oh I am also chronically negative at times. That is not a complaint-rather, it is a fact. Surely must be some psych med for such.

Maureen, Alumna Mentor | @alpaca | Jun 30, 2018

In reply to @tbaxter33 "Thank you all for the kind thoughts and interest in my situation. I am still employed..." + (show)

@tbaxter33

Thank you all for the kind thoughts and interest in my situation. I am still employed full time and I guess need to be so for the next 3 or 4 years. Retirement is not really an option because I need the health care coverage I have through work. I have tried PT before several times. Each time, I didn't see a lot of change, plus I could not afford to invest the time away from the office very often. Appointments are available late in the evening, but I am completely wiped out by then. Early mornings sometimes work, but it is all I can do to drag out of bed and get to work on time. I found myself getting so frustrated and stressed about being away from the office -- and it always being noticed and pointed out -- that I gave up on PT several times. I do fight the "demons of depression" regularly, and fight hard to stay above the clouds and doing life in VFR conditions. Often I do wander into IMC, at which time it becomes difficult to figure out life -- even to know which way is up. I once had a very strong faith that living the right life, doing the right things, and turning the really important issues (fears) over to the care of God was living right. I lived a few years with that peace that passes all understanding, until I lost a freshman in college (son) very unexpectedly to suicide just before the end of his first (and very successful year), entered the world of total chaos associated witht he alcoholism and addiction of another son (going on 17 years now), cleaned up the double-murder scene of some very close relatives who were killed in a senseless home invasion robbery many years ago (now undersand the terminology of "bloody murder"), and the list could go on. I thought I had done things right (at least the best I could) and prayed fervently for the protection of my boys when they went to college only to have bad things happen. That "peace that passes understanding left in May of 2004, and I have not been able to regain it. I just don't know what the point is of life most days any more. The pain associated with it all gets deeper. So, there are not times for hobbies, no time to work on self, until retirement which I don't believe I'ill ever attain since it is a few years away and I have passed over into the realm of overwhelming physical, mental, and spiritual pain.

Jump to this post

Just sending you good wishes across the waters from New Zealand. Venting about your pain and frustration here is a release. We are here because we have challenging health issues and although I have little pain I've experienced many of the feelings you are going through. It must be hard to lose your faith but there are also many good psychological strategies that I have used to get through the tough bits. I have a friend who is on a multi-week pain course with the local hospital's pain team and is finding it useful. (Free in NZ).I know this is not going to help you necessarily but I think you need guidance from someone like you family doctor to come up with some sort of plan. You are not alone.

lioness | @lioness | Jun 30, 2018

In reply to @parus "@tbaxter33 Try not to be too critical of yourself. We all need to complain where we..." + (show)

@parus @tbaxter33 We all are complainers at times but if you have more positive things in your lives ,then your are better of then children who are starving to death or a person who can't talk,eat or see or hooked up to machines all day everyday.

lioness | @lioness | Jun 30, 2018

In reply to @brettmanning "Have you tried walking at least every other day? Exercise helps relieve mental and physical pain/stress...." + (show)

@marylou705 mine too after I fractured my back therapist told me I wouldn't be able to stand,sit or walk for more then 15-20 minutes and to this day it's still true I can't do my own floors for the twisting motion and if I had someone to do my dishes I wouldn't hurt either ,haven't found anyone yet.lol