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@tbaxter33

Posts: 22
Joined: Aug 02, 2017

Don't Want To Be a Complainer

Posted by @tbaxter33, Tue, Jun 26 10:16am

As i was growing up, I heard my mom complain daily about pain and discomfort in various parts of her body. As a result, decided when I was younger that I would never be a complainer! I suppose I formed a judgment that my mom had a low threshold for pain and was just a complainer. I felt like people did not want to hear that, and it drove them away. I am now convinced that I was very wrong. For about the past 20 years of my life, I have had lower back pain which has become progressively worse over time. Over the more recent few years, I have chronic neck, shoulder, and upper arm pain which is severe at times and bad other times. MRI shows two separate syrnix lesions (one in cervical and one in thorasic area). Suspect cause for those is trauma due to a horse fall incident several years ago. No surgery is indicated due to risks and uncertain benefits. Also, degenerative disease mostly in the neck, but some in the lumbar area. Most recently, had RF ablation procedures done on the lower back. Worked good for about a month, but pain is back (mostly with standing and walking). Pain in neck and shoulders is terrilbe at times. Have tried Tramadol (which local docs DO NOT want me to take), and it does not really work for me anyway. Cannot take NSAID meds due to kidney issues. Hydrocodone works, but getting it is nearly impossible any more. [If you wondered, I have no history of drug abuse, addiction, or alcholism] I am SO AFRAID of becoming a chrinic complainer like I grew up with. In fact, I feel that the few friends I do talk to about it (probably 2 at most) have formed judgments and do not want to hear it. I even feel like the docs think I am a complainer — perhaps to get meds — which is simply and firmly not true. What do people do? Live with it and hurt? I am not retired yet — have a couple or three more years — but it is so hard to keep up this pace. Already frustrated and darkenss widening here. Thoughts?

REPLY

I totally understand, you don't want your pain to define you, or what people think about you.
Keep trying new things.
I am finding most relief outside of medicine, such as laying on ice packs… do as much as anything has.
I hated being treated like a street junky when I was on pain medicine, so I took myself off and suffer.
So I understand what you are going through.

Let the sunshine in! Don't let life get dark for you; it will only cause more pain. I have not experienced what you do, but just off the top of my head, I would say find a hobby, etc., that you can do in your most comfortable position. You could possibly find others who are interested in joining you in that hobby; maybe even for the same reason. It could possibly even become a money-maker, depending on what you like to do! Maybe you could make things for bazaars/festivals and recruit a friend to sell them for you (?) Also, if/when you need to voice your feelings, come here to CONNECT. I and others will be happy to chat. Having someone just to listen is a good thing. Tell us more about your interests and background, and keep us up-to-date on the health care issues, e.g. potential for new surgical opportunities. I am very sorry about your experience and wish I could assist. May improvement be in the cards for you!

Have you tried walking at least every other day? Exercise helps relieve mental and physical pain/stress. Start slowly and build your stamina. The endorphins released during exercise are your body’s natural pain killers. I wish you all the best.

Thank you all for the kind thoughts and interest in my situation. I am still employed full time and I guess need to be so for the next 3 or 4 years. Retirement is not really an option because I need the health care coverage I have through work. I have tried PT before several times. Each time, I didn't see a lot of change, plus I could not afford to invest the time away from the office very often. Appointments are available late in the evening, but I am completely wiped out by then. Early mornings sometimes work, but it is all I can do to drag out of bed and get to work on time. I found myself getting so frustrated and stressed about being away from the office — and it always being noticed and pointed out — that I gave up on PT several times. I do fight the "demons of depression" regularly, and fight hard to stay above the clouds and doing life in VFR conditions. Often I do wander into IMC, at which time it becomes difficult to figure out life — even to know which way is up. I once had a very strong faith that living the right life, doing the right things, and turning the really important issues (fears) over to the care of God was living right. I lived a few years with that peace that passes all understanding, until I lost a freshman in college (son) very unexpectedly to suicide just before the end of his first (and very successful year), entered the world of total chaos associated witht he alcoholism and addiction of another son (going on 17 years now), cleaned up the double-murder scene of some very close relatives who were killed in a senseless home invasion robbery many years ago (now undersand the terminology of "bloody murder"), and the list could go on. I thought I had done things right (at least the best I could) and prayed fervently for the protection of my boys when they went to college only to have bad things happen. That "peace that passes understanding left in May of 2004, and I have not been able to regain it. I just don't know what the point is of life most days any more. The pain associated with it all gets deeper. So, there are not times for hobbies, no time to work on self, until retirement which I don't believe I'ill ever attain since it is a few years away and I have passed over into the realm of overwhelming physical, mental, and spiritual pain.

@brettmanning

Have you tried walking at least every other day? Exercise helps relieve mental and physical pain/stress. Start slowly and build your stamina. The endorphins released during exercise are your body’s natural pain killers. I wish you all the best.

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Have you tried walking sticks? I use one when my back gets tired and sore (had compression fractures due to multiple myeloma). $18 for 2 at walmart.

tbaxter I’m so feeling you’re pain have you thought about antidepressants? I know how hard it must be to keep on working as I am a retired hairdresser that has to retire because of back pain I worked for at least 5 years with awful pain until I just couldn’t take it anymore I quit when I was 70 so at least I had my Medicare for my insurance.

I to Have suffered chronic pain from broken back. I am still looking for a good solution after 30 yrs. As to the other aspects you have mentioned, I also felt others did not want to here complaining. In my area there is a support group specifically for chronic pain. Meetings are on weekends so as to make it easier for weekday workers to attend. The people there are very willing to listen and understand you're situation. Check with local hospital and pain clinic to see if there is one in you're area. It Remember, we here are also a good support group. Good luck and best wishes.

I understand so much and have been in a similar position and still am. Upper fractures of thoracic knee pain and a healing broken shoulder. Warm water therapy ie. aqua aerobics n a warm pool will help One needs to strengthen thenuscles surround the fractures to take the strain rather than the bone sturcture.
Warm water also makes one relax and at the classes one can meet new people who are proably worse off and all can complain together as we do.

If you do not have anything like this near you a holiday somewhere where you can find a heath spa or hotel where these classes would help. An osteopath has also helped me and deep breating exercises from the lower abdomen before I sleep and when I wake up has helped me relax to ease the p ain.
Good luck.
Bless

@edification

I totally understand, you don't want your pain to define you, or what people think about you.
Keep trying new things.
I am finding most relief outside of medicine, such as laying on ice packs… do as much as anything has.
I hated being treated like a street junky when I was on pain medicine, so I took myself off and suffer.
So I understand what you are going through.

Jump to this post

Have you tried a pool Exercise, swim or just walking in the pool ? It can really help. Water takes the pressure off your body / worth a try Good luck

Liked by lioness

@tbaxter33

Thank you all for the kind thoughts and interest in my situation. I am still employed full time and I guess need to be so for the next 3 or 4 years. Retirement is not really an option because I need the health care coverage I have through work. I have tried PT before several times. Each time, I didn't see a lot of change, plus I could not afford to invest the time away from the office very often. Appointments are available late in the evening, but I am completely wiped out by then. Early mornings sometimes work, but it is all I can do to drag out of bed and get to work on time. I found myself getting so frustrated and stressed about being away from the office — and it always being noticed and pointed out — that I gave up on PT several times. I do fight the "demons of depression" regularly, and fight hard to stay above the clouds and doing life in VFR conditions. Often I do wander into IMC, at which time it becomes difficult to figure out life — even to know which way is up. I once had a very strong faith that living the right life, doing the right things, and turning the really important issues (fears) over to the care of God was living right. I lived a few years with that peace that passes all understanding, until I lost a freshman in college (son) very unexpectedly to suicide just before the end of his first (and very successful year), entered the world of total chaos associated witht he alcoholism and addiction of another son (going on 17 years now), cleaned up the double-murder scene of some very close relatives who were killed in a senseless home invasion robbery many years ago (now undersand the terminology of "bloody murder"), and the list could go on. I thought I had done things right (at least the best I could) and prayed fervently for the protection of my boys when they went to college only to have bad things happen. That "peace that passes understanding left in May of 2004, and I have not been able to regain it. I just don't know what the point is of life most days any more. The pain associated with it all gets deeper. So, there are not times for hobbies, no time to work on self, until retirement which I don't believe I'ill ever attain since it is a few years away and I have passed over into the realm of overwhelming physical, mental, and spiritual pain.

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Do NOT give up as hard as it is. Write here, talk to pals. maybe a sr club, MILD exercise , modified yoga, water exercise is EZ on the body Something must work Hardest part is trying different things to see what works

Liked by Jamie Olson

@tbaxter33

Thank you all for the kind thoughts and interest in my situation. I am still employed full time and I guess need to be so for the next 3 or 4 years. Retirement is not really an option because I need the health care coverage I have through work. I have tried PT before several times. Each time, I didn't see a lot of change, plus I could not afford to invest the time away from the office very often. Appointments are available late in the evening, but I am completely wiped out by then. Early mornings sometimes work, but it is all I can do to drag out of bed and get to work on time. I found myself getting so frustrated and stressed about being away from the office — and it always being noticed and pointed out — that I gave up on PT several times. I do fight the "demons of depression" regularly, and fight hard to stay above the clouds and doing life in VFR conditions. Often I do wander into IMC, at which time it becomes difficult to figure out life — even to know which way is up. I once had a very strong faith that living the right life, doing the right things, and turning the really important issues (fears) over to the care of God was living right. I lived a few years with that peace that passes all understanding, until I lost a freshman in college (son) very unexpectedly to suicide just before the end of his first (and very successful year), entered the world of total chaos associated witht he alcoholism and addiction of another son (going on 17 years now), cleaned up the double-murder scene of some very close relatives who were killed in a senseless home invasion robbery many years ago (now undersand the terminology of "bloody murder"), and the list could go on. I thought I had done things right (at least the best I could) and prayed fervently for the protection of my boys when they went to college only to have bad things happen. That "peace that passes understanding left in May of 2004, and I have not been able to regain it. I just don't know what the point is of life most days any more. The pain associated with it all gets deeper. So, there are not times for hobbies, no time to work on self, until retirement which I don't believe I'ill ever attain since it is a few years away and I have passed over into the realm of overwhelming physical, mental, and spiritual pain.

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@tbaxter33

I'm a Volunteer Mentor with Mayo Connect and not a medical professional. I'm very concerned about the level of pain your body and psyche are in currently. Please don't give up even though you may think you should. Are you seeing a physician or counselor right now? If not, I recommend that you contact your regular physician and get an immediate appointment. If you are in great pain please call a friend to take you to the hospital or call 911. I caught your sense of desperation perhaps and I want to be sure you are OK.

Gailb
Volunteer Mentor

@tbaxter33

Thank you all for the kind thoughts and interest in my situation. I am still employed full time and I guess need to be so for the next 3 or 4 years. Retirement is not really an option because I need the health care coverage I have through work. I have tried PT before several times. Each time, I didn't see a lot of change, plus I could not afford to invest the time away from the office very often. Appointments are available late in the evening, but I am completely wiped out by then. Early mornings sometimes work, but it is all I can do to drag out of bed and get to work on time. I found myself getting so frustrated and stressed about being away from the office — and it always being noticed and pointed out — that I gave up on PT several times. I do fight the "demons of depression" regularly, and fight hard to stay above the clouds and doing life in VFR conditions. Often I do wander into IMC, at which time it becomes difficult to figure out life — even to know which way is up. I once had a very strong faith that living the right life, doing the right things, and turning the really important issues (fears) over to the care of God was living right. I lived a few years with that peace that passes all understanding, until I lost a freshman in college (son) very unexpectedly to suicide just before the end of his first (and very successful year), entered the world of total chaos associated witht he alcoholism and addiction of another son (going on 17 years now), cleaned up the double-murder scene of some very close relatives who were killed in a senseless home invasion robbery many years ago (now undersand the terminology of "bloody murder"), and the list could go on. I thought I had done things right (at least the best I could) and prayed fervently for the protection of my boys when they went to college only to have bad things happen. That "peace that passes understanding left in May of 2004, and I have not been able to regain it. I just don't know what the point is of life most days any more. The pain associated with it all gets deeper. So, there are not times for hobbies, no time to work on self, until retirement which I don't believe I'ill ever attain since it is a few years away and I have passed over into the realm of overwhelming physical, mental, and spiritual pain.

Jump to this post

We love you, and do want to help. Try to let us know how we may do so. In which region of the country do you live?

Liked by lioness

@mertie

I understand so much and have been in a similar position and still am. Upper fractures of thoracic knee pain and a healing broken shoulder. Warm water therapy ie. aqua aerobics n a warm pool will help One needs to strengthen thenuscles surround the fractures to take the strain rather than the bone sturcture.
Warm water also makes one relax and at the classes one can meet new people who are proably worse off and all can complain together as we do.

If you do not have anything like this near you a holiday somewhere where you can find a heath spa or hotel where these classes would help. An osteopath has also helped me and deep breating exercises from the lower abdomen before I sleep and when I wake up has helped me relax to ease the p ain.
Good luck.
Bless

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I second Water aerobatics EZ on the body as well. Possibly a local hotel weekend stay with a nice pool Get a good rate online if you can afford that . Do not give up ! MY son broke his back 20 yrs ago No Western hospital ( one of the best ) operated.. he is doing quite well at age 58. Warm Water soaks help him lots / He does physical work most days . .

Liked by lioness

@tbaxter33 I just saw your post your not a complainer When anyone has back issues it's a problem we have to learn to live with there are lots of things you can try see if any fit your situation .I've had fibromyalgia for 30 yrs ,have a ,L2 fracture loads of o.a.in spine neck down but have found exercise the best for it ,yes it hurts to get started but the more you do it the stronger your muscles get ,water aerobics are the best,they are easier on you.I have bone spurs around hips so walking is tough I've tried with pain but mustered through.Tramadol does help me except when a fibro flare starts ,Heating pad helps heal,ice is good for inflammation in joints.Some people get relieve from Volteran cream it's for arthritis I think. My chiropractor uses a TENS unit before he works On my back .Don't give up ,this is a good group you came to ,we share information some will help ,some won't depends on your own body.Find another Dr.if your isn't helping and complain all you want here we are all in the same ⛵ Take care hope you find relief. Keep your chin up.

@lioness

@tbaxter33 I just saw your post your not a complainer When anyone has back issues it's a problem we have to learn to live with there are lots of things you can try see if any fit your situation .I've had fibromyalgia for 30 yrs ,have a ,L2 fracture loads of o.a.in spine neck down but have found exercise the best for it ,yes it hurts to get started but the more you do it the stronger your muscles get ,water aerobics are the best,they are easier on you.I have bone spurs around hips so walking is tough I've tried with pain but mustered through.Tramadol does help me except when a fibro flare starts ,Heating pad helps heal,ice is good for inflammation in joints.Some people get relieve from Volteran cream it's for arthritis I think. My chiropractor uses a TENS unit before he works On my back .Don't give up ,this is a good group you came to ,we share information some will help ,some won't depends on your own body.Find another Dr.if your isn't helping and complain all you want here we are all in the same ⛵ Take care hope you find relief. Keep your chin up.

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I also swear by Biofreeze rollon.  It’s OTC, about $8 and lasts a long time.  @marylou704

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