Personality Change of Kidney Transplant Patient

Wow paradis you hit the nail on the head. I experience much the same , a self centred. Rude screaming verbally abusive man. Everything is my fault and I’m the stupidest
most ignorant person he’s ever known. His language directed at me is vile. He has hysterical vicious outbursts of anger over the smallest things.
I just can’t stand it. Don’t deserve being treated like this ... and will soon file for divorce. This situation has gradually become worse and I don’t see it getting better. One day his anger will be directed at me physically ... it’s been too close for comfort. I’m getting out, while I’m still alive. I am terrified of his outbursts. He totally loses it!
I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. Yes, I’m leaving the ship before it goes down.
( yes I’ve tried everything, the church, Dr counseling. Now it’s time for the lawyer). This is s second rotten marriage. I’m done !
Thank you for listening. Amen!!

Wow paradis you hit the nail on the head. I experience much the same , a self centred. Rude screaming verbally abusive man. Everything is my fault and I’m the stupidest
most ignorant person he’s ever known. His language directed at me is vile. He has hysterical vicious outbursts of anger over the smallest things.
I just can’t stand it. Don’t deserve being treated like this ... and will soon file for divorce. This situation has gradually become worse and I don’t see it getting better. One day his anger will be directed at me physically ... it’s been too close for comfort. I’m getting out, while I’m still alive. I am terrified of his outbursts. He totally loses it!
I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. Yes, I’m leaving the ship before it goes down.
( yes I’ve tried everything, the church, Dr counseling. Now it’s time for the lawyer). This is s second rotten marriage. I’m done !
Thank you for listening. Amen!!

@hullegan Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. As others have noted, personality changes after a transplant can be fairly dramatic and drastic to not only the patient, but family and friends. Have you talked to your husband about this change in personality? What was he like before transplant? How long was he on dialysis, and did he have a good medical team to help guide him through the process? Have you had joint counseling or discussions with the transplant social worker? I wonder if a modification in his medications might help the situation? It's sad to hear that you feel you need to file for divorce, but your safety [physical, mental, and emotional] is paramount. Do you have a place that you can go to in case he has an outburst when he finds out about the filing for divorce? I would be careful and make sure that a few trusted friends know your situation. We hope that you will come back here and tell us how you are doing. We care.
Ginger

Hi Ginger thank you for your reply, concern and advice. I have spoken with him about his changes and memory impairment.
He says there’s nothing wrong with him that I am a ‘B’. And that since his transplant I’m “out to get him”. Omg!
His lab work is ideal. His does have pain from other conditions, arthritis and neuropathy. His diet is awful and he often drinks to excess. (But he has to drink in order to live with me, he says).
I spoke briefly to the social worker who is useless. She said , he’s such a nice man , just exercise patience. For 1-12 yrs I’ve asked the neph on different occasions to give him a dementia test. Yet she maintained that she noticed things about him
A couple yrs ago. But she’s done Nothing!!!!

As for divorce, he suggested that the marriage has no future.
In order to split I wouldn’t function well financially. His answer was ... then live in poverty cuz I f.. n hate you and I hope you never get a decent nights sleep. I sleep like a log and he resents it. He resents that I am well but I am diabetic also . His favourite word towards me is 4 letter.
He picks and criticizes me moans, acts irrationally , curses worse than a truck driver about everything and I mean everything. He displays signs of ocd.
He has always had a short fuse but not like this. I see this behaviour in his Mother, his son and his grandson.
His son has not spoken to him in 20 years. Won’t even let him know where he lives.
That’s a big red flag.
I’ve been with him 19 years. He’s never worked a day in that time. He is now 70. I finally quit working because of his illness... had to hand hold sit with him while he dialysed for 2 years and still try to work when I was 70. Now 71.
Why should I stay where I’m obviously not wanted. Needed somewhat? Probably!

My GP Dr has referred me to a woman’s shelter. She suggests I leave. She will give him geriatric test. His nephrologist doesn’t seem to care that his illness affects me. I asked her a question once and she put her hand up in the air and said, Sorry, Lisa , I cant answer you , you’re not my patient I must treat Tom. I asked him to get another Dr. He refused.
There is no care or attention paid to family members.

Financially he’ll be fine. He has a large inheritance coming soon. He always promised to share that because I worked all those years while he went fishing, shooting, baking pies & cookies. I’ll get squat.
The least I should have is my peace of mind and freedom.
I saw how he treaded his X wife in their divorce so making sure she got nothing.
I’m not expecting this to be different. She couldn’t fight.., I can snd will.
I’m too old to stay and too old to leave.
Sigh 😔!
It’s been good to vent here. Thanks.

Hi Ginger thank you for your reply, concern and advice. I have spoken with him about his changes and memory impairment.
He says there’s nothing wrong with him that I am a ‘B’. And that since his transplant I’m “out to get him”. Omg!
His lab work is ideal. His does have pain from other conditions, arthritis and neuropathy. His diet is awful and he often drinks to excess. (But he has to drink in order to live with me, he says).
I spoke briefly to the social worker who is useless. She said , he’s such a nice man , just exercise patience. For 1-12 yrs I’ve asked the neph on different occasions to give him a dementia test. Yet she maintained that she noticed things about him
A couple yrs ago. But she’s done Nothing!!!!

As for divorce, he suggested that the marriage has no future.
In order to split I wouldn’t function well financially. His answer was ... then live in poverty cuz I f.. n hate you and I hope you never get a decent nights sleep. I sleep like a log and he resents it. He resents that I am well but I am diabetic also . His favourite word towards me is 4 letter.
He picks and criticizes me moans, acts irrationally , curses worse than a truck driver about everything and I mean everything. He displays signs of ocd.
He has always had a short fuse but not like this. I see this behaviour in his Mother, his son and his grandson.
His son has not spoken to him in 20 years. Won’t even let him know where he lives.
That’s a big red flag.
I’ve been with him 19 years. He’s never worked a day in that time. He is now 70. I finally quit working because of his illness... had to hand hold sit with him while he dialysed for 2 years and still try to work when I was 70. Now 71.
Why should I stay where I’m obviously not wanted. Needed somewhat? Probably!

My GP Dr has referred me to a woman’s shelter. She suggests I leave. She will give him geriatric test. His nephrologist doesn’t seem to care that his illness affects me. I asked her a question once and she put her hand up in the air and said, Sorry, Lisa , I cant answer you , you’re not my patient I must treat Tom. I asked him to get another Dr. He refused.
There is no care or attention paid to family members.

Financially he’ll be fine. He has a large inheritance coming soon. He always promised to share that because I worked all those years while he went fishing, shooting, baking pies & cookies. I’ll get squat.
The least I should have is my peace of mind and freedom.
I saw how he treaded his X wife in their divorce so making sure she got nothing.
I’m not expecting this to be different. She couldn’t fight.., I can snd will.
I’m too old to stay and too old to leave.
Sigh 😔!
It’s been good to vent here. Thanks.

Hi Teresa,

Sure, I can get back to Connect after some time to share my further experience. I actually got here just because I was reading through different articles available online describing how various people changed after they got an organ transplanted from another person - and, many times, how they picked up certain habits, preferences, behaviors etc. from the donor. Which is, in my opinion, another taboo in this society, because of course, who wants to get an organ from, let's say, a nasty person? But, if you need an organ, you don't think twice. So, people often do not think about these things. But the cells do have a memory and patients and their relatives do notice these changes (thankfully, not always bad changes). As I said, this is a very wide topic but yes I do believe that this is possible since I learned certain things about our donor which explains a lot to me. If at least the society helped the caregivers more, that would be nice, but we don't get any real help from anywhere. Anyways, thanks for having me here and I really wish the best to everyone, I wish people were always healthy and nobody would have to suffer in any way.

I'm very interested in the research now on cellular memory. I have also read some articles on how tastes and memories of the donor appear in some patients who have received a transplant. It is disturbing though to read about the amount of distress reported by transplant patients according to a study I saw on pubmed. This probably has to do with all the meds but perhaps something more. In the Bible, body and spirit intimately connected, so I wonder about this too. There was also an interesting article in the New York Times about bone marrow transplants with the title "When a DNA Test Says You're a Younger Man, and Live 5,000 Miles Away." Thanks and God bless.

Hello @berdyaev11 and welcome to Mayo Connect!

Thank you for the article about DNA and bone marrow transplants. That is very interesting. I found a link to this article online to share with anyone who would like to read it:
https://www.avpress.com/news/when-dna-test-says-you-re-younger-man-live-miles/article_c5dcd4fa-197e-11ea-a9d7-ef7c4aa6dd03.html
Are you interested in this because you or a loved one has received a transplant of some type, @berdyaev11?

I'm very interested in the research now on cellular memory. I have also read some articles on how tastes and memories of the donor appear in some patients who have received a transplant. It is disturbing though to read about the amount of distress reported by transplant patients according to a study I saw on pubmed. This probably has to do with all the meds but perhaps something more. In the Bible, body and spirit intimately connected, so I wonder about this too. There was also an interesting article in the New York Times about bone marrow transplants with the title "When a DNA Test Says You're a Younger Man, and Live 5,000 Miles Away." Thanks and God bless.

My nephew has now had his fourth kidney transplant. His personality changed with each one. The first donor was a family member and had the least change. The others were cadaver kidneys. The third donor had high blood pressure and took medication for it. My nephew had to take BP medication because the kidney was accustomed to it. The doctors are all aware of these changes in the recipients but the information is not shared with the family or general public. It is up to us to do our research and learn as much as we can.

I had always heard that patients who undergo open heart surgery experience a change in their personality as well. I think it is more than just those who have open heart surgery that are affected. My husband has had angioplasty to insert two stents in a blocked artery and I saw a change in him. He later had to have a defibrillator installed and I have noticed even bigger changes and not for the good. He has changed to someone who has little or no interest in anything including personal hygiene. He is now 72 years old and refuses to do anything that will improve his ability to participate in things we had planned to do during retirement. I am 64 and although I have physical limitations that make me a little slower I am still doing what I can to maintain my mobility.