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Personality Change of Kidney Transplant Patient
Caregivers | Last Active: Nov 21, 2023 | Replies (63)Comment receiving replies
@hullegan Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. As others have noted, personality changes after a transplant can be fairly dramatic and drastic to not only the patient, but family and friends. Have you talked to your husband about this change in personality? What was he like before transplant? How long was he on dialysis, and did he have a good medical team to help guide him through the process? Have you had joint counseling or discussions with the transplant social worker? I wonder if a modification in his medications might help the situation? It's sad to hear that you feel you need to file for divorce, but your safety [physical, mental, and emotional] is paramount. Do you have a place that you can go to in case he has an outburst when he finds out about the filing for divorce? I would be careful and make sure that a few trusted friends know your situation. We hope that you will come back here and tell us how you are doing. We care.
Ginger
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Hi Ginger thank you for your reply, concern and advice. I have spoken with him about his changes and memory impairment.
He says there’s nothing wrong with him that I am a ‘B’. And that since his transplant I’m “out to get him”. Omg!
His lab work is ideal. His does have pain from other conditions, arthritis and neuropathy. His diet is awful and he often drinks to excess. (But he has to drink in order to live with me, he says).
I spoke briefly to the social worker who is useless. She said , he’s such a nice man , just exercise patience. For 1-12 yrs I’ve asked the neph on different occasions to give him a dementia test. Yet she maintained that she noticed things about him
A couple yrs ago. But she’s done Nothing!!!!
As for divorce, he suggested that the marriage has no future.
In order to split I wouldn’t function well financially. His answer was ... then live in poverty cuz I f.. n hate you and I hope you never get a decent nights sleep. I sleep like a log and he resents it. He resents that I am well but I am diabetic also . His favourite word towards me is 4 letter.
He picks and criticizes me moans, acts irrationally , curses worse than a truck driver about everything and I mean everything. He displays signs of ocd.
He has always had a short fuse but not like this. I see this behaviour in his Mother, his son and his grandson.
His son has not spoken to him in 20 years. Won’t even let him know where he lives.
That’s a big red flag.
I’ve been with him 19 years. He’s never worked a day in that time. He is now 70. I finally quit working because of his illness... had to hand hold sit with him while he dialysed for 2 years and still try to work when I was 70. Now 71.
Why should I stay where I’m obviously not wanted. Needed somewhat? Probably!
My GP Dr has referred me to a woman’s shelter. She suggests I leave. She will give him geriatric test. His nephrologist doesn’t seem to care that his illness affects me. I asked her a question once and she put her hand up in the air and said, Sorry, Lisa , I cant answer you , you’re not my patient I must treat Tom. I asked him to get another Dr. He refused.
There is no care or attention paid to family members.
Financially he’ll be fine. He has a large inheritance coming soon. He always promised to share that because I worked all those years while he went fishing, shooting, baking pies & cookies. I’ll get squat.
The least I should have is my peace of mind and freedom.
I saw how he treaded his X wife in their divorce so making sure she got nothing.
I’m not expecting this to be different. She couldn’t fight.., I can snd will.
I’m too old to stay and too old to leave.
Sigh 😔!
It’s been good to vent here. Thanks.