Adults On The Autism Spectrum

Hi, @mamacita - sounds like it's been a difficult time. What has been the roughest part for you lately?

Having a family member with multiple mental health issues, when they don't realize how their behavior affects others.
That is the most difficult issue I have at the moment.
My disabled daughter has been here since 2:30. The goal was to wash a load of her clothes, dry and fold them. I prepared dinner and saw to her needs as best I could while keeping up with my homemaking duties

She had multiple episodes of anxiety and sickness, which only aggravated her mood disorders to the point my husband could barely be civil. He basically stayed in the background while she continued with her monologue. Loud and persistant. She is frustrated and upset because she lives with a friend who also has many problems. She would rather live here with us. But my husband will not allow it. For good reasons.

It is difficult to have to admit, but it would not be a good decision for her to move back in with us. She requires constant help with even the simplest things. I love my daughter, but it would not be fair to her son who lives with us. He is a teenager. He has lived with us his whole life. It's just sad, really.

She comes across as demanding. She just doesnt understand. She relies on us whenever she visits for the least little things. She is very dependant on us. She has some cognitive impairment from past substance abuse.

So at 9:45 pm my guys take her back to where she is staying. Her friend may not let her in. Maybe that's why everything took so long today. By dragging her feet, she made it quite possible that we would have to let her stay the night.

She only had a few things to do here. But it took her 7 hours to do it.

I'm tired. Maybe we can talk some more another time, @lisalucier .
It's not easy being a mom of an adult who has so much going in. I'd be happy to do it if it helped her. But we have to draw the line somewhere or we are enabling

Tommorow will be a better day....

Mamacita

So now I guess some of you are in the camp of "Thats"the worst story I've ever heard!" Or even more to the point, "How can she do that to her own child?"

And I would agree with you. It is terrible to have to say no when you want to say yes with every fiber of your being. But yes is not the answer when one is being manipulated. There's that element to contend wuth.

It is very difficult to have to .plan ahead, to give yourself time and space, in order to help your adult child meet their needs. Especially if there has been a lifetime of drug abuse and recovery. Over and over.

Especially when you are protecting a young child who simply needs to be a child. Free from adult issues. That young child has grown to be a young man. Right here, with us.

When someone is able to do some things for themselves, and you repeatedly manage that for them, trust me...trouble lies ahead.

Yes, she would do well perhaps in a group home. But there is that little matter of choice. She will not go. She is waiting on an apartment.

Reality in this world is not often pretty. There are good and bad times And lots of in between times. Times where you listen to all the doctors and therapists and lawyers and police officers...and then you make the best decisions that you can, with faith in someone higher than you.

Life is hard. No doubt about it. But life is good, too. I mostly concentrate on the good. But sometimes you have to be real.

Love and light,
Mamacita

No, actually having seen much substance abuse, I would not be in the “OMG” camp. I believe you did exactly the right thing, yes she needs compassion, but no she does not need enabling. The added problem of the young man makes your decisions even more important in breaking the cycle. You got this.

@mamacita Hugs to you You do have a tough life with your daughter but bravo for not being an enabler .

@mamacita You have to go with your gut feeling on your decisions. Your wisdom has been hard won, and you are the best judge of the affects of how the family dynamics are. Being real and being honest is good for everyone, even when they fuss about it. Especially when they fuss about it. Prayers of strength headed your way....
Ginger

@auntieoakley ,@gingerw, @lioness, th plot thickens. Her "friend" has kicked her out.

I am hoping that my daughter has the wherewithal to gather her things and go stay with her other friend, who has said she could stay there. My husband has his feet up and is watching some science video on YouTube.com. My other daughter messaged me while we were at Krogers to tell me that their older fur baby, Lex, an English Bulldog, might be dying.

My Grandson bought a Christmas card for his other Grandmother. She hasn't cared to see him in two years. She preferred her drug using son over our Grandson. He wants to just put it in her door, rather than mail it. He deserves so much better than all that.

Yet, there is still joy. Not everyone is going to love us, act right, or treat us right. But there is still joy. One just has to know where to look for it .

Love and lighr,
Mamacita Jane

@mamacita Sending you love and light. As auties we feel so darned deeply, we ache.
Ginger

Thank you, my friend. Yes. We feel deeply. But hearing back from friends like you helps.

Love and hugs,
Mamacita Jane

Friends, we have tornado sirens going off here in North Alabama. So much I want to say to you and hopefully we will be ok and back online tomorrow. Keep the faith and stay srong.
Love and light,
Mamacita Jane