1. < Autism (ASD)

Adults On The Autism Spectrum

Posted by Mamacita, Alumna Mentor @mamacita, Apr 29, 2018

Maybe you were really shy as a child. Perhaps you took home a huge stack of books from the school library, read them, and returned them the next day. Or did your best friend find you crying in your closet, unable to answer the question "Why?" At any rate, your life could be traced to the Self-Help section of the local bookstore. Unfortunately, most of the books were not much help. ADHD seemed to fit, at times. Your shrink said you might be Bi-Polar, although she wasn't really certain. All you knew was that you rarely fit in, anywhere. One day at work, it hit you square in the face: I don't speak these people's language! Really, it was like you were all playing this game, and everyone knew the rules but you. You couldn't tell a joke, and you never "got" any joke your co-worker tried to tell you. People started getting annoyed with you, because you had a memory like a steel trap. They didn't appreciate it when you called them on the carpet. Who knew? This was my life, and worse. I finally aced several tests that pointed me to the answer to my questions. The Autism Spectrum. Guess what? Little kids with Autism grow up to be Adults with Autism. Diagnosed late in life? This is the place for you!

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Autism (ASD) Support Group.

Parus | @parus | Oct 11, 2018

@mjsmimi I have been reading what you are going through and I have been in such a place. The thing I want you to know is "YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!!!"
This guy is no good and the best we can hope for is he will find someone else. These type of people are beyond help and others are possessions. They care only about themselves. I have shared some of what I went through for 6 years here and "get" what you are experiencing. Your boyfriend is sick and perverted. He is playing with your head. No friend would be doing this to you. What makes it even more cruel is you are trying to withdraw from Effexor. He is using you to feed his sick needs/mind to try and control. He is selfish and wants you to need him only for him. This has become a game to him. These type of people are never wrong and they can be dangerous. They can twist things so it seems you are at fault. Things are not going his way and he cannot stand it.
Other members have offered some suggestions and good ones. You need support going through this type of thing. I went through a similar thing. Not a comfortable place to be.
Keep us posted as you can. You are NOT crazy.

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @gingerw "@mjsmimi Yes, everything @gailb said. In addition, you need to have the following information written down..." + (show)
@gingerw

@mjsmimi Yes, everything @gailb said. In addition, you need to have the following information written down somewhere safe, in case there is a sudden problem. A trusted person [trusted relative, coworker, friend, pastor, you get my drfift] who you can call in an emergency, not only law enforcement. Have their contact information written down. Have a safe place to escape to, if need be. If he has a vehicle, write down the make/model/year/color/license plate number including what state. A physical description of him; height/approx.weight/hair color/eyecolor/ scars/ marks/tattoos. Birth date. Places he frequents. Same information about his daughter. Who his friends are and where they live if you know. I am not trying to scare you. I tell you this from both a domestic violence survivor, and law enforcement standpoint. In the midst of high emotion you need to be able to give clear and accurate information to an agency who needs it, when they need it. Answering, "I cannot remember" delays things.

When you commented on the fact that you had cheated in a prior relationship, with him, and he looked you up 15 years later, he knew that you were already vulnerable. That he held the cards. And he has capitalized on that. Him knowing that you had cheated gives him the mindset that if you cheated with him, who is to say you won't cheat on him? That is his thinking.

Please read our words to you, and think of your safety first.
Ginger

Jump to this post

Hello @mjsmimi

The list that @gingerw gave you regarding personal information about your BF were all good ones. I would add to that list a photo of he and his daughter. You need to protect yourself in the future. In the state where I live you can obtain a PPO, personal protection order, where the police will direct him not to come within a certain distance of you physically.

Have you consulted with a domestic violence center? They can offer you good legal advice, even if you do not require shelter, as this time. While you may not be experiencing physical abuse, the mental and emotional abuse are certainly present in your situation.

REPLY
mjsmimi | @mjsmimi | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @parus "@mjsmimi I have been reading what you are going through and I have been in such..." + (show)
@parus

@mjsmimi I have been reading what you are going through and I have been in such a place. The thing I want you to know is "YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!!!"
This guy is no good and the best we can hope for is he will find someone else. These type of people are beyond help and others are possessions. They care only about themselves. I have shared some of what I went through for 6 years here and "get" what you are experiencing. Your boyfriend is sick and perverted. He is playing with your head. No friend would be doing this to you. What makes it even more cruel is you are trying to withdraw from Effexor. He is using you to feed his sick needs/mind to try and control. He is selfish and wants you to need him only for him. This has become a game to him. These type of people are never wrong and they can be dangerous. They can twist things so it seems you are at fault. Things are not going his way and he cannot stand it.
Other members have offered some suggestions and good ones. You need support going through this type of thing. I went through a similar thing. Not a comfortable place to be.
Keep us posted as you can. You are NOT crazy.

Jump to this post

Hello All,

Thank You for all your comments and concerns. I need to stop second guessing myself here, you are all correct. He is sick and perverted. He puts tape recorders hidden when he is not here. He sais I should watch him have sex with wife of whomever I have "cheated" with for pay back!! That comment there really opened my eyes. HE IS SICK and PERVERTED!!! He comments on the way young girls look up to him. I have seen the way his tone changes when he talks to them. At first I thought it was my paranoid jealous imagination. Now I am not so sure, I do see his understanding nature and how the world of child molesters makes him sick and he feels the need to" protect"

I know this is way off me situation here, but I think this is important to get off my chest and help me cope.
I am starting to see the things he claims to make him a" good guy" are sickening. ( I feel extremely sharp today, maybe my brain awake supplements are helping) I really feel bad for his ex wife. He has made me believe she was this cheating, sick person who plays window games and runs to neighbors for attention etc. Well hell, he accuses me of the same thing and it is all FALSE. I now don't believe what he has told me about her, that part anyway. Yes, I believe she sent kids to school without making them brush teeth, clean clothing, homework, etc. (To long of a list to go through, I have my own issues with this sick person.) Yes, that I saw. ( what the hell did he expect she was 19 and he was 31 when they met. He wasn't thinking with his mind if you get my drift.)
I think that is why his youngest is with us. I walk her through the whole health hygiene process.. She for some reason is not afraid of him (this is what I see now with the other two). I however do not feel safe. He has bashed in an ex girlfriends face (so he said) His ex wife called the cops on him 6 times. I am now seeing why he reached for me. Damn I am stupid as shit. He is right about that!
I questioned why my son won't let my granddaughter come here and spend the night. He must feel that. Thank goodness for that. But to my BF he thinks my son is a spoiled middle class brat. (OMG, the lightbulb just went off) He hates middle class families. I was one, but we worked damn hard for it!!! he came from poor, mental illness, alcohol, family, His mom went mental when he was 9, she walked away with a shopping cart. He repeats what he has gone through over and over to try to manipulate me? (He told his daughter this morning that I am out of commission?? and from what I saw scared her this am about something before school.) It has been working,. Not today!!! I am shutting down the sympathy for him. No more dude. I know I am rambling on and on here. Wow, it took effexor detox to make me realize this??? I want to slap the crap out of the pharmaceutical companies if there is any truth to that....
I need to stop for now.

I know he is no good for me!! I dont want nor do I want someone else to be a statistic. He can keep thinking he is good looking (of course he is) and that everyone wants a piece of his poison. Go for it dude. I want no part!!!!

My brain is going way to fast, I need to stop relax, go back to my gardening for therepy for about an hour then pick back up with my thoughts.

@Thank You everyone for all your posts and advice!!! I need this! Soo bad. I don't know how to convey to you how much better and stronger I feel today. I finally feel like I am not crazy and someone out there believes me. Thank You! I know it is going to be a long road. Please keep the advice coming. I am taking it all in....

REPLY
5 replies
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Oct 11, 2018

I just want to take a moment to thank the Mayo Clinic Connect Family. For their compassion, hard work, and unity of purpose. One of my favorite quotes is from an ancient book. It says that "A ccrd of three strands is not easily torn apart." And "two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the other one will lift up his companion.But woe to the one who falls, when there is not another to lift him up."

Recently, as some of you know, my entire household has stood firm during some pretty rocky storms. Sickness, surgeries, and no one to help but us and Heaven. When that's all you have, you learn that it can be enough.

The people I turned to during this time were my friends and family, here on Mayo Clinic Connect. I shared my pity parties with some, my melt downs with others, but I never completely gave up hope. Hope will get you through some of the toughest times you will ever face. When connecting with others even in more dire straits than mine, I treaded softly, lest I come across as callous, and overbearing. I didn't want to give them the impression that I was a know it all.

But one individual was not safe. Not safe at all. And I tried to gently tell them that they were not in the wrong. Someone else was. My friends and colleagues picked up on the information and emphasized the importance of using the resources in place to protect themselves. Working together, I am assured that this person has been given information and confidence to move forward. We are indeed, better together.

Love and light,

Mamacita (Jane)

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @mjsmimi "Hello All, Thank You for all your comments and concerns. I need to stop second guessing..." + (show)
@mjsmimi

Hello All,

Thank You for all your comments and concerns. I need to stop second guessing myself here, you are all correct. He is sick and perverted. He puts tape recorders hidden when he is not here. He sais I should watch him have sex with wife of whomever I have "cheated" with for pay back!! That comment there really opened my eyes. HE IS SICK and PERVERTED!!! He comments on the way young girls look up to him. I have seen the way his tone changes when he talks to them. At first I thought it was my paranoid jealous imagination. Now I am not so sure, I do see his understanding nature and how the world of child molesters makes him sick and he feels the need to" protect"

I know this is way off me situation here, but I think this is important to get off my chest and help me cope.
I am starting to see the things he claims to make him a" good guy" are sickening. ( I feel extremely sharp today, maybe my brain awake supplements are helping) I really feel bad for his ex wife. He has made me believe she was this cheating, sick person who plays window games and runs to neighbors for attention etc. Well hell, he accuses me of the same thing and it is all FALSE. I now don't believe what he has told me about her, that part anyway. Yes, I believe she sent kids to school without making them brush teeth, clean clothing, homework, etc. (To long of a list to go through, I have my own issues with this sick person.) Yes, that I saw. ( what the hell did he expect she was 19 and he was 31 when they met. He wasn't thinking with his mind if you get my drift.)
I think that is why his youngest is with us. I walk her through the whole health hygiene process.. She for some reason is not afraid of him (this is what I see now with the other two). I however do not feel safe. He has bashed in an ex girlfriends face (so he said) His ex wife called the cops on him 6 times. I am now seeing why he reached for me. Damn I am stupid as shit. He is right about that!
I questioned why my son won't let my granddaughter come here and spend the night. He must feel that. Thank goodness for that. But to my BF he thinks my son is a spoiled middle class brat. (OMG, the lightbulb just went off) He hates middle class families. I was one, but we worked damn hard for it!!! he came from poor, mental illness, alcohol, family, His mom went mental when he was 9, she walked away with a shopping cart. He repeats what he has gone through over and over to try to manipulate me? (He told his daughter this morning that I am out of commission?? and from what I saw scared her this am about something before school.) It has been working,. Not today!!! I am shutting down the sympathy for him. No more dude. I know I am rambling on and on here. Wow, it took effexor detox to make me realize this??? I want to slap the crap out of the pharmaceutical companies if there is any truth to that....
I need to stop for now.

I know he is no good for me!! I dont want nor do I want someone else to be a statistic. He can keep thinking he is good looking (of course he is) and that everyone wants a piece of his poison. Go for it dude. I want no part!!!!

My brain is going way to fast, I need to stop relax, go back to my gardening for therepy for about an hour then pick back up with my thoughts.

@Thank You everyone for all your posts and advice!!! I need this! Soo bad. I don't know how to convey to you how much better and stronger I feel today. I finally feel like I am not crazy and someone out there believes me. Thank You! I know it is going to be a long road. Please keep the advice coming. I am taking it all in....

Jump to this post

@mjsmimi

Keep posting, sharing and talking to others in your community. You will need all of the support you can get from mental health professionals, the legal system and law enforcement officers.

REPLY
1 reply
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @mjsmimi "Hello All, Thank You for all your comments and concerns. I need to stop second guessing..." + (show)
@mjsmimi

Hello All,

Thank You for all your comments and concerns. I need to stop second guessing myself here, you are all correct. He is sick and perverted. He puts tape recorders hidden when he is not here. He sais I should watch him have sex with wife of whomever I have "cheated" with for pay back!! That comment there really opened my eyes. HE IS SICK and PERVERTED!!! He comments on the way young girls look up to him. I have seen the way his tone changes when he talks to them. At first I thought it was my paranoid jealous imagination. Now I am not so sure, I do see his understanding nature and how the world of child molesters makes him sick and he feels the need to" protect"

I know this is way off me situation here, but I think this is important to get off my chest and help me cope.
I am starting to see the things he claims to make him a" good guy" are sickening. ( I feel extremely sharp today, maybe my brain awake supplements are helping) I really feel bad for his ex wife. He has made me believe she was this cheating, sick person who plays window games and runs to neighbors for attention etc. Well hell, he accuses me of the same thing and it is all FALSE. I now don't believe what he has told me about her, that part anyway. Yes, I believe she sent kids to school without making them brush teeth, clean clothing, homework, etc. (To long of a list to go through, I have my own issues with this sick person.) Yes, that I saw. ( what the hell did he expect she was 19 and he was 31 when they met. He wasn't thinking with his mind if you get my drift.)
I think that is why his youngest is with us. I walk her through the whole health hygiene process.. She for some reason is not afraid of him (this is what I see now with the other two). I however do not feel safe. He has bashed in an ex girlfriends face (so he said) His ex wife called the cops on him 6 times. I am now seeing why he reached for me. Damn I am stupid as shit. He is right about that!
I questioned why my son won't let my granddaughter come here and spend the night. He must feel that. Thank goodness for that. But to my BF he thinks my son is a spoiled middle class brat. (OMG, the lightbulb just went off) He hates middle class families. I was one, but we worked damn hard for it!!! he came from poor, mental illness, alcohol, family, His mom went mental when he was 9, she walked away with a shopping cart. He repeats what he has gone through over and over to try to manipulate me? (He told his daughter this morning that I am out of commission?? and from what I saw scared her this am about something before school.) It has been working,. Not today!!! I am shutting down the sympathy for him. No more dude. I know I am rambling on and on here. Wow, it took effexor detox to make me realize this??? I want to slap the crap out of the pharmaceutical companies if there is any truth to that....
I need to stop for now.

I know he is no good for me!! I dont want nor do I want someone else to be a statistic. He can keep thinking he is good looking (of course he is) and that everyone wants a piece of his poison. Go for it dude. I want no part!!!!

My brain is going way to fast, I need to stop relax, go back to my gardening for therepy for about an hour then pick back up with my thoughts.

@Thank You everyone for all your posts and advice!!! I need this! Soo bad. I don't know how to convey to you how much better and stronger I feel today. I finally feel like I am not crazy and someone out there believes me. Thank You! I know it is going to be a long road. Please keep the advice coming. I am taking it all in....

Jump to this post

Dear heart, I believe you.

REPLY
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @hopeful33250 "@mjsmimi Keep posting, sharing and talking to others in your community. You will need all of..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

@mjsmimi

Keep posting, sharing and talking to others in your community. You will need all of the support you can get from mental health professionals, the legal system and law enforcement officers.

Jump to this post

I am sending good energy, thoughts, and prayers their way. I know they have it within them to stand up and protect what is most important. One's self.

REPLY
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @mjsmimi "Hello All, Thank You for all your comments and concerns. I need to stop second guessing..." + (show)
@mjsmimi

Hello All,

Thank You for all your comments and concerns. I need to stop second guessing myself here, you are all correct. He is sick and perverted. He puts tape recorders hidden when he is not here. He sais I should watch him have sex with wife of whomever I have "cheated" with for pay back!! That comment there really opened my eyes. HE IS SICK and PERVERTED!!! He comments on the way young girls look up to him. I have seen the way his tone changes when he talks to them. At first I thought it was my paranoid jealous imagination. Now I am not so sure, I do see his understanding nature and how the world of child molesters makes him sick and he feels the need to" protect"

I know this is way off me situation here, but I think this is important to get off my chest and help me cope.
I am starting to see the things he claims to make him a" good guy" are sickening. ( I feel extremely sharp today, maybe my brain awake supplements are helping) I really feel bad for his ex wife. He has made me believe she was this cheating, sick person who plays window games and runs to neighbors for attention etc. Well hell, he accuses me of the same thing and it is all FALSE. I now don't believe what he has told me about her, that part anyway. Yes, I believe she sent kids to school without making them brush teeth, clean clothing, homework, etc. (To long of a list to go through, I have my own issues with this sick person.) Yes, that I saw. ( what the hell did he expect she was 19 and he was 31 when they met. He wasn't thinking with his mind if you get my drift.)
I think that is why his youngest is with us. I walk her through the whole health hygiene process.. She for some reason is not afraid of him (this is what I see now with the other two). I however do not feel safe. He has bashed in an ex girlfriends face (so he said) His ex wife called the cops on him 6 times. I am now seeing why he reached for me. Damn I am stupid as shit. He is right about that!
I questioned why my son won't let my granddaughter come here and spend the night. He must feel that. Thank goodness for that. But to my BF he thinks my son is a spoiled middle class brat. (OMG, the lightbulb just went off) He hates middle class families. I was one, but we worked damn hard for it!!! he came from poor, mental illness, alcohol, family, His mom went mental when he was 9, she walked away with a shopping cart. He repeats what he has gone through over and over to try to manipulate me? (He told his daughter this morning that I am out of commission?? and from what I saw scared her this am about something before school.) It has been working,. Not today!!! I am shutting down the sympathy for him. No more dude. I know I am rambling on and on here. Wow, it took effexor detox to make me realize this??? I want to slap the crap out of the pharmaceutical companies if there is any truth to that....
I need to stop for now.

I know he is no good for me!! I dont want nor do I want someone else to be a statistic. He can keep thinking he is good looking (of course he is) and that everyone wants a piece of his poison. Go for it dude. I want no part!!!!

My brain is going way to fast, I need to stop relax, go back to my gardening for therepy for about an hour then pick back up with my thoughts.

@Thank You everyone for all your posts and advice!!! I need this! Soo bad. I don't know how to convey to you how much better and stronger I feel today. I finally feel like I am not crazy and someone out there believes me. Thank You! I know it is going to be a long road. Please keep the advice coming. I am taking it all in....

Jump to this post

You are able!

REPLY
GailBL, Alumni Mentor | @gailb | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @mamacita "Thanks,gingerw! I am still familiar with the people I worked with for so long. But I..." + (show)
@mamacita

Thanks,gingerw! I am still familiar with the people I worked with for so long. But I cringe when I think of asking them for advice on the right headphones.

Some of my own family don't respect you when you tell them you are on the Spectrum. So, yo me, it's worse, even, to share my heart and have them say things like "You're too sociable to be on the Spectrum!"

Or, even worse, "But you make eye contact so well!" Un huh. Yeah. And how long do you think it took me to learn how to fake that eye contact?

I don't even pretend to know everything there is to know about the Spectrum. But some things educated people say to me are bordering on offensive.

At any rate, thank you so much for responding. It's great to hear from you so frequently! Adios, Mamacita

Jump to this post

@mamacita

My husband isn't on the spectrum, but he is introverted and is losing his hearing. I am also much more sensitive to noise as I age. I'm an extrovert, but crowds bother me now primarily due to the noise. Ronnie purchased Bose Noise-Cancelling Earphones (approx $250) because he loves music and uses them a lot for that. He recently decided to use them in the theater when the sound is too loud. Now he uses them anytime the noise is too much. They filter out background/ambient noise, but allow voices to be heard. He's going to purchase Bose Hearing Aids soon ($500-600) since they fit in the ear, have no cords, and will help him hear better. They are rechargeable, so there are no batteries too replace. You may want to look at those to see if they are helpful for you. They are the direction hearing aids are headed now and are far less expensive than the old hearing aids $3000-6000).

I also want to thank you for your caring communicationso to those in need. I always feel comforted and loved when I read your posts. I also learn from your experiences. Thank you Mamacita from deep in my heart.

REPLY
1 reply
mjsmimi | @mjsmimi | Oct 11, 2018

Back to thinking... effexor is the least of my problems at this point. I was just lectured by BF the eyes covet what they see and the silence of the lambs and all that crap. I don't even remember the movie much, but this dosen't sound good. We are leaving to p/u his daughter from school. I think after we return I need to vacate quickly. I have a very edgy feeling of something bad coming....I don't think being lectured why people from the outside want to steel your "sh__ , why people murderer and such is such a good thing. He runs around opening blinds all over the house, especially at night. It is creepy. I think my eyes have been opened.

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