Sex after transplant

@hogan_g1937, I have found some information that I would like to share with you. I have paraphrased the following general guidelines from the Sexual Activity and Pregnancy Section of the Mayo Clinic Patient Booklet: "Healthy Living After Transplant" from the Barbara Woodward Lips Patient Education Center.

'You may have felt so ill before your transplant that you lost either interest in sex or your ability to perform. As you feel better, your interest in sexual activity may return. You do not have to avoid sexual activity after a transplant.
Here are 4 summarized guidelines: Practice safe sex; Use birth control; Wait at least 2 years to become pregnant; Sometimes men may have difficulty performing, discuss options with health care provider. '

As is always the case - We are all different, and we all experience varying recovery times, and responses to new medications. We also each have unique pre transplant conditions to consider. My biggest concern - for any 1st time activity post transplant - was about my surgery site. After it heals, it will let you know if you are overdoing anything.

You will be discharged after the transplant with a collection of information about all things to guide you both to a Healthy Life. And any questions can be addressed with your team as you continue to recover and gain strength and increase all activities.

I have my fingers crossed for that phone call ! I look forward to reading your updates in one of our discussions.
Rosemary

I'm waiting for a kidney. I have no sex drive at all. Its almost so bad it has come between my husband. I find myself saying I don't feel well or I'm too tired. All the time. We have a 2 year old and a 16 year old. After our two year old it's gotten worse. I literally just need to lay down. I have a fatigue like no other. Sadly this has been a bit of a problem since we were married 4 years ago. I don't know what to do.

Hi @chill28 and welcome to Connect. I can imagine that sex is the last thing on your mind with being unwell, dealing with extreme fatigue, waiting for a kidney not to mention having a 2 year old and a 16 year old. Even without the health issues, little children take a lot of our attention and energy. I'm not a counselor or therapist, but I wonder if your husband is suffering from lack of attention. Your children and your health are the primary focus, and he might be mourning the fact that this isn't the way he had expected things to be when you married 4 years ago. Then, on top of that, he's not allowed to say anything out loud about it. He may be feeling sadness, anger and guilt all mixed into one.
Can the two of you talk about things like this? I wonder if simply bringing things out into the open could help. What do you think?

Well said. I believe you are right. We have talked before but you mentioned a few things I think I'll ask him. He really doesn't get much attention from me because of the things you listed but also in afraid it will go into him wanting sex and I don't want to 🙁 I've never wanted to be back to myself so bad. Thank you so much for your advice.

@chill28, I am veering off topic for this response, but I want to say that the fatigue and tiredness are overwhelming and they do take control of you. I remember being so worn out, that I could hardly go about my daily routines. I even remember giving thanks that breathing was an automatic action because I don't think I could have continued it if it took any effort on my part.
Rosemary

How are you doing @chill28?

I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply. I'm doing okay. Not much has changed. How are you?

The waiting game is a long one. How's that little son of yours?

I am waiting for a Kidney also. I have so much fatigue and like you are tired all the time. I have a partner but i have had no sex drive for two years. It is affecting my relationship. Some days are good most are days when I am so tired.

@rosemarya When I got that fatigued (I would have to stop on my way up the stairs) my blood tests showed dangerously low hemoglobin and hematocrits. They called from MGH and told me to get to the closest hospital immediately, not to take the drive into Boston. We did go to our local hospital. The doctor there said my counts were so low I could have had cardiac arrest. I presume that is why they did not want my husband driving me to Boston, in case I did have a problem. My local hospital sent me by ambulance to MGH. I actually felt fine other than tired so I had a nice conversation with the EMT on the way.

When they called I had my sister and her husband here for dinner. One of the doctors in Boston said if her counts had been that low she would not have been entertaining, she would have been flat on her back. It was an easy dinner. 😉 I was in for a couple of days while they gave me transfusions and tried to determine any particular reason why the counts were so low.
JK