1. < Mental Health

Dissociative identity disorders (DID) from vicious childhood abuse

Posted by seekinghero @seekinghero, Mar 10, 2018

Ohgosh... where to start?
I have multiple personally disorder. From viscous abuse infent-12yrs old. I was not born with DID.
I am learning more each time i poke around the internet 4info.
My brain feels like sometimes a vehicle trying to stall out. I blank out 4 a few seconds. Scarey.
I've started hypnotic sessions & made healthy strides. Tho i don't think all my personalities have come forward. How do i get in touch with the others? Thanks

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peach414144 | @peach414144 | Mar 23, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

@Dear, dear, dear Brightwings: take it from an 80 year old woman woh has been tortured mentally and physically by both my mother, father and sisters: IT IS NOT YOU, IT IS THEM. You are loved by Jesus and all of the rest of us on this planet whether they know you or not. It was not until I ran away from my family (and ran to the authorities) that I found the truth. God loves me and I love me. It took many years but here I am and here you are. When you believe in yourself it all comes together. I have made it to 80 and am looking to go as far as I can. I could continue on but you will eventually see> With love and careingly, Peach

REPLY
peach414144 | @peach414144 | Mar 23, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

@Dear Brightwings, I need to add this to my previous reply: I lived in a godless family. This made it a long, long journey for me. It is only very recently I have found god. There are so many stories. HANG IN THERE! Peach

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Mar 24, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

For anyone with DID it is not your fault!!! Would that the medical world would not judge because of such a diagnosis. I wanted no one knowing and because of all the sharing within medical groups this has happened. People read and watch too much and are ignorant. Be brave and I hope others do not experience/abuse due to ignorance. I am partially integrated and I much prefer the DID. Not easy being us at times.

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Mar 24, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Ok I hear your plea. The most helpful info I can say is start journaling. I..." + (show)
@brightwings

Ok I hear your plea. The most helpful info I can say is start journaling. I have 32 journals because of the scope of my abuse. I was taught to write with my non dominant hand to allow other peeps to have a voice also. It worked and yes, you can write or print with your other hand.
Most of my journaling was done with my right hand but I am so glad I found a way to give my "others" a voice too.
Those journals are the history of my healing. I am so glad I did.

Jump to this post

@brightwings Yes, it is true. Even my art work has different styles when the others are not working together. Thank you for your post. The others do deserve to be heard. you are brave.

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Mar 24, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

@peach414144 The mother was a religious fanatic and it was severely abusive.

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Mar 24, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

@peach414144 Yeah a lot of mental and physical torture. A long, long road to healing. All of our journals were trashed to protect the adult children and a grandchild. This is not a type of demon possession. It is a gift. So much for denial.

REPLY
peach414144 | @peach414144 | Mar 24, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

@Parus, My family was a godless one. So religious fanatic or athiest, to hurt someone comes from their brains. The way they want to believe to suit their purpose. They are happy when they hurt someone and any reason is a good one to hide behind. I thought about a god and hated him for allowing me to be beat with the belt buckle, breaking dinner dishes over my head. Having my sisters watch and laugh and beat on me three to one. Being call no good, stupid, bitch, whore, no good and everything else. And much, much more. I now at age 80 am learning to believe in a person, may it be god or whatever, I will love him and respect him. Keep believing it really is helping me now. With love Peach

REPLY
peach414144 | @peach414144 | Mar 24, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

Brightwings please read thjis, Peach.

REPLY
peach414144 | @peach414144 | Mar 24, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

@ Dear Parus, all the hatred in the world will continue and some how we must keep it out of our minds. Easy to say and very, very hard to do but somehow do we must. Just wait and you will see that time helps. It does not heal all but time does help. Perhaps you could rewrite your journals in a fashion that will not refer to the (your) family. Then it could be published if you want it to. Even if it will not be published it is a healing way to help. With care, Peach

REPLY
Barb | @amberpep | Mar 24, 2018

DiD is one of the things I used as a child, and an adult to "escape" situations that were painful ..... I just "went away" mentally. When one of my parents, primarily my mother would do her thing to me ..... call me abusive names, lock me in a closet, etc., I just mentally "went away"......when I was married intimacy was merely a function, not real love and caring. In order to endure it, I mentally "went away" ..... I'd go to the seashore, or the mountains, or whitewater rafting. That was the only way I could survive. After 24 years of therapy I am basically healed of that, but occasionally it will happen; however now I recognize it, and I just do something else - exercise, visit a friend, etc.
abby

REPLY
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