A New Year Message for Caregivers

Posted by Scott, Volunteer Mentor @IndianaScott, Dec 31, 2017

Ready or not, here comes 2018! On this last day of 2017, I wanted to say thank you to each and every caregiver here! You do yeoman's work day in and day out with little to no acknowledgement, appreciation, help, etc. Caregiving is an undertaking none of us desired, but when thrown upon us we agreed to respond to the call. No matter how you do it, how you feel about it, struggle, curse, or cruise through, you are to be congratulated for being one of the most important people in the world!

Our patients require our love, help, and understanding. They have laid their lives in our hands. Pushed often to the limits of our abilities and sometimes beyond, caregivers rise to the occasion and always think of their loved one and do what can be done! In my case it was never done perfectly, nor even as well as I wish it had been, but it got done and while my best half may not have always expressed appreciation, I could see, in her eyes, in her more relaxed body posture, or tone of voice I had done something to help her in her situation. That knowledge, I believe, is what drives many caregivers!

For the early times in the 14 years, while my wife waged her war against brain cancer, my hope for the New Year was that things would change for the better as January 1st dawned. In the middle of those years my hope was that things would not get worse for her. In the latter years my hope for the New Year was that she would be with me for all 365 days ahead. The one thing I knew as a caregiver was, come January 1st, I would still be a caregiver, just as each of you are.

Please know I send you, today especially, all the strength, courage, and peace this world has to offer --- and I send it to you, the mighty caregivers in our society!

As a group we may not be particularly noticed, nor appreciated, certainly not compensated, but there is one thing each of you are.

You are the most amazing individuals the world may have ever seen! You roll up your sleeves, do what needs done, grit your teeth often, love deeply, act unselfishly, and make our world, especially for your patient, a far better place to be!

Thank you for all you do...for being a caregiver...and for being here on Connect making each of us a little bit less isolated and certainly far stronger!

May 2018 be gentle and kind to all!

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers Support Group.

@juani

@IndianaScott thank you for your message, it conveys so well the work and challenge of a caregiver.. I am sure all of us felt reflected in your message. And very important, you chose just the right words for dealing with those contradictory feelings of being overwhelmed and at the same time not being sure if we are doing every thing we could, and should. Your compassionate words help us to achieve peace of mind with those feelings. It is ok. We are doing the best we can. And we may make mistakes. And it is ok. We don't have to be the perfect caregiver (does she or he exists?), we don't need to fulfill other's expectations about what should be done. As much as some of us would like, no one has total control over what's happening. Openess, flexibility, humbleness, love, compassion both for those who we care for and for us, acceptance of the lack of control and of our certain mistakes, and love, love, love, is all we can expect for and it is all what we need. That's the challenge to embrace this stage of our lives as the leaning and personal development opportunity that this can be. It is not easy for some of us. But it is there for us to choose how we are going to live this stage and come trough.

Jump to this post

Thank you, couldn't have said it better.

REPLY
@sallysue

Thank you Indiana Scott. I do not feel amazing as I face a total hip replacement for my sister next week. She is convinced the surgery will make every thing perfect for her. I just pray she follows directions and makes out alright at night in the hospital when I can’t be there with her. I’m counting on her habit of sleeping incredibly sound and the professionals who will be fresh on their shifts and skilled in hips, smile!!

Jump to this post

Thank you!

REPLY

Thanks, I needed to hear those words! Even though my dear husband tells me nearly everyday that he loves me, it's hard to handle the times when he isn't acting so loving as when the confusion sets in and he accuses me of not keeping him informed about what's happening or what we're doing this day - whatever day this is! Or when he doesn't want to shower or change into clean clothes. Or when he wants to go out - just to go out - when I have so much routine work/chores to do just to keep the place running. Or when he lets our Sweetie dog outside and forgets he did. Or when he gives her round after round of treats forgetting she already had them. She begs. He gives. Or when I am trying to just be with him, to sit and hold his hand which seems to make his world okay. I guess my world is okay then, too. 🙂

REPLY

Bless you and wishes for good things with your husband. Yes it is a hard road but there are times that are absolutely funny also. My husband is in rehab right now and all he could talk about was the attributes of the ladies taking care of him. So that is how it goes and sometimes I want to tear my hair out but push on and on and on. ozys

REPLY
@ozys

Bless you and wishes for good things with your husband. Yes it is a hard road but there are times that are absolutely funny also. My husband is in rehab right now and all he could talk about was the attributes of the ladies taking care of him. So that is how it goes and sometimes I want to tear my hair out but push on and on and on. ozys

Jump to this post

Hello, I haven’t been in touch with the forum in a while. I’ve spent the last month as a carer by my husbands side, while he almost passed twice. He’s now home, going on about the nurses, helpers, etc., in the meantime if the past 30 days I also moved us out of the isolated countryside to the city. ( 3 hour drive). I sit surrounded by boxes and a very weak but self righteous husband on the couch. If it were not for professional Carers associations and a forum like this, to connect with, I don’t know where I would be. This job , this kind of work, that has very little breaks, is getting to hard for me on all levels. I will be expanding the circle for direct help with him as soon as possible. It’s too much now. It’s not healthy for me , I’m paying the price on every level, physically, mentally, emotionally. Life is not about being a martyr, neither is caring. I wish everyone strength , preserverence and self love for 2018.

REPLY

AMEN!!! I feel for you and have been there and done that for the past 12 years. God Bless ozys

REPLY
@ozys

Bless you and wishes for good things with your husband. Yes it is a hard road but there are times that are absolutely funny also. My husband is in rehab right now and all he could talk about was the attributes of the ladies taking care of him. So that is how it goes and sometimes I want to tear my hair out but push on and on and on. ozys

Jump to this post

Hello @mnina Good to hear from you! From your post I can tell it is a demanding time for you right now and that makes your post all the most wonderful! Thanks for checking in!

A move is one of the top stress-inducing events of our lives so there is no surprise you are feeling even more overwhelmed -- after all being a caregiver is overwhelming enough by itself! I, too, felt the connection to Connect was a true gift during my most difficult caregiving times. Being a caregiver can be so very, very isolating on all those levels you spoke of, plus it does take a physical and emotional toll without a doubt!

It is wonderful to hear you have options available to bring in more care help! That is fabulous and I hope it works out for you both in a big way!

Continued strength, courage, and peace for you both in the New Year!

REPLY
@ozys

AMEN!!! I feel for you and have been there and done that for the past 12 years. God Bless ozys

Jump to this post

Sending you continued strength, courage, and peace in the New Year @ozys

REPLY
@ozys

Bless you and wishes for good things with your husband. Yes it is a hard road but there are times that are absolutely funny also. My husband is in rehab right now and all he could talk about was the attributes of the ladies taking care of him. So that is how it goes and sometimes I want to tear my hair out but push on and on and on. ozys

Jump to this post

It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things. You have accomplished a lot and are moving in the right direction. Keep us posted. Grace and peace.

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.