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A New Year Message for Caregivers

Posted by @IndianaScott, Dec 31, 2017

Ready or not, here comes 2018! On this last day of 2017, I wanted to say thank you to each and every caregiver here! You do yeoman’s work day in and day out with little to no acknowledgement, appreciation, help, etc. Caregiving is an undertaking none of us desired, but when thrown upon us we agreed to respond to the call. No matter how you do it, how you feel about it, struggle, curse, or cruise through, you are to be congratulated for being one of the most important people in the world!

Our patients require our love, help, and understanding. They have laid their lives in our hands. Pushed often to the limits of our abilities and sometimes beyond, caregivers rise to the occasion and always think of their loved one and do what can be done! In my case it was never done perfectly, nor even as well as I wish it had been, but it got done and while my best half may not have always expressed appreciation, I could see, in her eyes, in her more relaxed body posture, or tone of voice I had done something to help her in her situation. That knowledge, I believe, is what drives many caregivers!

For the early times in the 14 years, while my wife waged her war against brain cancer, my hope for the New Year was that things would change for the better as January 1st dawned. In the middle of those years my hope was that things would not get worse for her. In the latter years my hope for the New Year was that she would be with me for all 365 days ahead. The one thing I knew as a caregiver was, come January 1st, I would still be a caregiver, just as each of you are.

Please know I send you, today especially, all the strength, courage, and peace this world has to offer — and I send it to you, the mighty caregivers in our society!

As a group we may not be particularly noticed, nor appreciated, certainly not compensated, but there is one thing each of you are.

You are the most amazing individuals the world may have ever seen! You roll up your sleeves, do what needs done, grit your teeth often, love deeply, act unselfishly, and make our world, especially for your patient, a far better place to be!

Thank you for all you do…for being a caregiver…and for being here on Connect making each of us a little bit less isolated and certainly far stronger!

May 2018 be gentle and kind to all!

REPLY

Thank you Indiana Scott. I do not feel amazing as I face a total hip replacement for my sister next week. She is convinced the surgery will make every thing perfect for her. I just pray she follows directions and makes out alright at night in the hospital when I can’t be there with her. I’m counting on her habit of sleeping incredibly sound and the professionals who will be fresh on their shifts and skilled in hips, smile!!

What beautiful words. Thank you.

Thanks for your wonderful description of care giving. Just came though a very trying New Year’s Eve with no sleep for over 24 hours, just keeping him safe was a challenge that I didn’t think I would ever have to face, but here it was and we are always surprised that somehow we get the strength to carry out the
task. When the dawn came on January 1, 2018, realized that help was needed. Condition had gone out of control. It is really hard to admit we need help
sometimes, but one must think beyond the present moment and realize that we as care givers need to help ourselves sometimes. That is not a selfish
act, but one to maintain ourselves so we can carry on to the next round for the one we are caring for. Probably will give in to hospice now and take the
help that can offer. Any one that has advice for the hospice care would be appreciated. Thanks everyone for caring ozy1

@ozys

Thanks for your wonderful description of care giving. Just came though a very trying New Year’s Eve with no sleep for over 24 hours, just keeping him safe was a challenge that I didn’t think I would ever have to face, but here it was and we are always surprised that somehow we get the strength to carry out the
task. When the dawn came on January 1, 2018, realized that help was needed. Condition had gone out of control. It is really hard to admit we need help
sometimes, but one must think beyond the present moment and realize that we as care givers need to help ourselves sometimes. That is not a selfish
act, but one to maintain ourselves so we can carry on to the next round for the one we are caring for. Probably will give in to hospice now and take the
help that can offer. Any one that has advice for the hospice care would be appreciated. Thanks everyone for caring ozy1

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Good to hear you made it through your difficult times recently, @ozys I agree 100% — it is not always easy to ask for, or seek, help, but often crucial!

My wife opted for hospice care the moment her physician prescribed it for her. It was a huge hurdle for her at first from an acceptance standpoint, but she came to appreciate it. She decided she wanted home hospice and so we did that. Each have their own benefits and challenges I am sure, but in her case we were completely pleased with the care she received. We checked out the only two options in our town and picked the one we felt most comfortable with. They did a great job tailoring her care to her needs, especially as they changed along the way. One of nice points for me as a caregiver was that they provided home delivery for all her prescriptions! She was on a very complex ‘cocktail’ of multiple drugs with varying time and dosage schedules, so this was very welcome indeed! Plus in addition to the hospice nurse, the nurse practitioner and doctor made house calls as well. But this was just our experience.

I will say we never regretted the decision to enter hospice.

Strength, courage, and peace!

Thank you so very much for writing such a wonderful message. It is very comforting! Carol

@sallysue

Thank you Indiana Scott. I do not feel amazing as I face a total hip replacement for my sister next week. She is convinced the surgery will make every thing perfect for her. I just pray she follows directions and makes out alright at night in the hospital when I can’t be there with her. I’m counting on her habit of sleeping incredibly sound and the professionals who will be fresh on their shifts and skilled in hips, smile!!

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Hi @sallysue I hope all goes well for your sister! As one who has undergone knee and spinal surgery, I can only say, for me at least, the most important part came by doing as you pray for your sister — “follows directions”! As my doctors said to me “I have the easy part, doing the surgery! You have the important part in following orders and doing PT to make sure my work does just that…work!”

I will keep you in my thoughts for your sister’s sound sleep and fresh pros on her floor!

Strength, Courage, and Peace!

@virginiatc

What beautiful words. Thank you.

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Thank you, @virginiatc I appreciate your words just as much!

@IndianaScott thank you for your message, it conveys so well the work and challenge of a caregiver.. I am sure all of us felt reflected in your message. And very important, you chose just the right words for dealing with those contradictory feelings of being overwhelmed and at the same time not being sure if we are doing every thing we could, and should. Your compassionate words help us to achieve peace of mind with those feelings. It is ok. We are doing the best we can. And we may make mistakes. And it is ok. We don’t have to be the perfect caregiver (does she or he exists?), we don’t need to fulfill other’s expectations about what should be done. As much as some of us would like, no one has total control over what’s happening. Openess, flexibility, humbleness, love, compassion both for those who we care for and for us, acceptance of the lack of control and of our certain mistakes, and love, love, love, is all we can expect for and it is all what we need. That’s the challenge to embrace this stage of our lives as the leaning and personal development opportunity that this can be. It is not easy for some of us. But it is there for us to choose how we are going to live this stage and come trough.

@juani

@IndianaScott thank you for your message, it conveys so well the work and challenge of a caregiver.. I am sure all of us felt reflected in your message. And very important, you chose just the right words for dealing with those contradictory feelings of being overwhelmed and at the same time not being sure if we are doing every thing we could, and should. Your compassionate words help us to achieve peace of mind with those feelings. It is ok. We are doing the best we can. And we may make mistakes. And it is ok. We don’t have to be the perfect caregiver (does she or he exists?), we don’t need to fulfill other’s expectations about what should be done. As much as some of us would like, no one has total control over what’s happening. Openess, flexibility, humbleness, love, compassion both for those who we care for and for us, acceptance of the lack of control and of our certain mistakes, and love, love, love, is all we can expect for and it is all what we need. That’s the challenge to embrace this stage of our lives as the leaning and personal development opportunity that this can be. It is not easy for some of us. But it is there for us to choose how we are going to live this stage and come trough.

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Thanks to YOU, @juani Your words ring so very true and say so much more than I did when it comes to putting the feelings of caregiving into words.

As I like to say “super heros are only in the comic books!” No one is Superman nor Wonder Woman when it comes to caregivers. Just everyday folk doing super hero work as best they can!

I hope your New Year unfolds with some degree of calm and harmony for you and yours! Continue on with the good work!

Continued strength, courage, and peace!

@carollc

Thank you so very much for writing such a wonderful message. It is very comforting! Carol

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Thank you for the kind words, @carollc

@juani

@IndianaScott thank you for your message, it conveys so well the work and challenge of a caregiver.. I am sure all of us felt reflected in your message. And very important, you chose just the right words for dealing with those contradictory feelings of being overwhelmed and at the same time not being sure if we are doing every thing we could, and should. Your compassionate words help us to achieve peace of mind with those feelings. It is ok. We are doing the best we can. And we may make mistakes. And it is ok. We don’t have to be the perfect caregiver (does she or he exists?), we don’t need to fulfill other’s expectations about what should be done. As much as some of us would like, no one has total control over what’s happening. Openess, flexibility, humbleness, love, compassion both for those who we care for and for us, acceptance of the lack of control and of our certain mistakes, and love, love, love, is all we can expect for and it is all what we need. That’s the challenge to embrace this stage of our lives as the leaning and personal development opportunity that this can be. It is not easy for some of us. But it is there for us to choose how we are going to live this stage and come trough.

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Thank you, couldn’t have said it better.

@sallysue

Thank you Indiana Scott. I do not feel amazing as I face a total hip replacement for my sister next week. She is convinced the surgery will make every thing perfect for her. I just pray she follows directions and makes out alright at night in the hospital when I can’t be there with her. I’m counting on her habit of sleeping incredibly sound and the professionals who will be fresh on their shifts and skilled in hips, smile!!

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Thank you!

Thanks, I needed to hear those words! Even though my dear husband tells me nearly everyday that he loves me, it’s hard to handle the times when he isn’t acting so loving as when the confusion sets in and he accuses me of not keeping him informed about what’s happening or what we’re doing this day – whatever day this is! Or when he doesn’t want to shower or change into clean clothes. Or when he wants to go out – just to go out – when I have so much routine work/chores to do just to keep the place running. Or when he lets our Sweetie dog outside and forgets he did. Or when he gives her round after round of treats forgetting she already had them. She begs. He gives. Or when I am trying to just be with him, to sit and hold his hand which seems to make his world okay. I guess my world is okay then, too. 🙂

Bless you and wishes for good things with your husband. Yes it is a hard road but there are times that are absolutely funny also. My husband is in rehab right now and all he could talk about was the attributes of the ladies taking care of him. So that is how it goes and sometimes I want to tear my hair out but push on and on and on. ozys

@ozys

Bless you and wishes for good things with your husband. Yes it is a hard road but there are times that are absolutely funny also. My husband is in rehab right now and all he could talk about was the attributes of the ladies taking care of him. So that is how it goes and sometimes I want to tear my hair out but push on and on and on. ozys

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Hello, I haven’t been in touch with the forum in a while. I’ve spent the last month as a carer by my husbands side, while he almost passed twice. He’s now home, going on about the nurses, helpers, etc., in the meantime if the past 30 days I also moved us out of the isolated countryside to the city. ( 3 hour drive). I sit surrounded by boxes and a very weak but self righteous husband on the couch. If it were not for professional Carers associations and a forum like this, to connect with, I don’t know where I would be. This job , this kind of work, that has very little breaks, is getting to hard for me on all levels. I will be expanding the circle for direct help with him as soon as possible. It’s too much now. It’s not healthy for me , I’m paying the price on every level, physically, mentally, emotionally. Life is not about being a martyr, neither is caring. I wish everyone strength , preserverence and self love for 2018.

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