1. < Depression & Anxiety

Unable to function

Posted by Brenda @bren1985, Nov 1, 2017

Hi everyone,
I'm having a lot of difficulty functioning. I sleep excessively (11-14 hours/night) and feel extremely tired throughout the day. Most of my days lately have been very empty - I haven't been doing much, at all, except sleeping and eating (and feeling guilty to eat so much - it seems like a waste since I'm not doing anything; I get these terrible cravings for carbs). I don't know if what I have is chronic fatigue syndrome, hypersomnia, or depression - or perhaps all three. I'm incredibly afraid that I have lost my ability to concentrate as I'm a graduate student (in Environmental Studies) under pressure to finish my research by April 2018; the way things are going, I don't know if I will ever get better enough to complete the research...I used to love studying (it was like therapy for me - especially because I'm studying nature, which has been very healing in the past), but I can't engage with it as I used to and that feels very painful.

I had my first episode of severe depression (which involved hospitalization) at 17 and had many more psych ward stays over the years; I'm now 32, and I really feel like my life is over in a way. The only person I have in my life, consistently, is my mother (whom I live with; she is 62). I am very grateful for her support.

I don't know whether I should try antidepressants again (I have been on more than 10, over the years). I'm very wary of them (especially of side effects) and feel they won't work anyway. Yet, I'm really not able to function and feel very stuck. I also deal with other chronic conditions (like migraine and IBS); I take a triptan for migraine, and there is a small risk of serotonin syndrome when using antidepressants with them. That's one reason I'm wary. I'm open to seeing a psychotherapist again, but it can take a lot of time and energy to find an appropriate one. In the meantime, I've been reading some CBT and mindfulness books and tried doing a bit of very simple yoga - though I'm often too tired to do much of it.

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to reach out as I feel isolated in this and I'm losing hope - especially after struggling since a relatively early age. I worry that the future will be a repeat of the past, and it terrifies me. I would appreciate any advice/insights/words of support please. Thank you so much. I'm glad this community exists.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Brenda | @bren1985 | Nov 15, 2017
In reply to @lisalucier "Hi, @bren1985. Glad you've come to Mayo Clinic Connect, and that you've had the courage and..." + (show)
@lisalucier

Hi, @bren1985. Glad you've come to Mayo Clinic Connect, and that you've had the courage and taken the time to share with us about what is going on. Very sorry you are feeling so isolated and that you are losing hope.

You sound like a very bright and self-aware person. It also seems like you are working on some self-care with the yoga and books you are reading, which is great.

Also glad to hear that you have your mother for support in your life.

I'd like to introduce you to @jimhd, @hopeful33250, @lilgrizz, @parus, @overwhelmed, @tomgrinley, @comtesse, @amberpep, @contentandwell, @mrmaid11, @johnbishop and @danybegood1, as I believe they may have some insights for you. Hope you can all meet up here on this thread.

Have you gotten to talk to your doctor about how you are feeling?

Jump to this post

Hi JK,
No worries at all, and thank you for wanting to offer suggestions. I hope that the pain from your knee surgery has been subsiding.
Yes, being active is not at all easy, but I agree it does help.
Take care.
-Brenda

REPLY
Brenda | @bren1985 | Nov 15, 2017
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello @bren1985 I would like to join Lisa in welcoming you to Mayo Connect. You have..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Hello @bren1985

I would like to join Lisa in welcoming you to Mayo Connect. You have joined a very strong, encouraging community of people who, like you, have posted about some of the difficulties we all face from time to time. Depression is a difficult road to travel, isn't it? The very things that you know that you must do in order to get better are the most difficult things to do because it involves movement and talking with others - the very things that don't feel very comfortable right now.

Like Lisa said, I would encourage you to talk with a doctor about how you are feeling. There are always new medicines and therapies that can assist you and it looks like you are doing some good work on your own. You are also very articulate in expressing your feelings - a most important trait in the healing process.

Have you started keeping a journal of your feelings? That is often a good first step. When you read about CBT, write down thoughts as to how you can put these ideas into practice.

Will you keep in touch with us and let us know how you are progressing in your journey?

Teresa

Jump to this post

Hi Teresa,
Yes, I have read "Feeling Good", although I don't have the handbook specifically. I do have "Mind Over Mood" by Greenberger and Padesky, and it has helped a bit.
Thanks, but I think you're the articulate one! 😉
I am on a medication, but it's frustrating waiting for it to kick in...and the dry mouth S/E is annoying. But I feel desperate, so I'm willing to try it as I've hit rock bottom and have so little left to lose at this point. I'm also waiting for therapy (it will take 6 weeks; rather frustrating as well).
How have you been these days?
Take care,
Brenda

REPLY
Brenda | @bren1985 | Nov 15, 2017
In reply to @jimhd "Welcome to Connect, @bren1985 I seem to go through phases of sleep binges. I have sleep..." + (show)
@jimhd

Welcome to Connect, @bren1985

I seem to go through phases of sleep binges. I have sleep apnea, and see the sleep doctor every 6 months. He usually tells me that I need to sleep less, the idea being that I'd have more energy during the day, and have better sleep. I try to stay below ten hours, but I know that I'm more alert with 9. I set my alarm, but I usually turn it off and sleep another hour. Some people set alarms and put them in a place where they have to get out of bed to turn it off. I need to do that, myself. Sometimes I will sleep for 12 hours. I just don't wake up except to go to the bathroom.

I know that excessive sleep can contribute to depression, and conversely, depression can keep a person in bed. Medications that I take at bedtime are sedating, so that probably makes me sleep longer. But the things I take, I take for a reason.

Have you had any ideas how to limit your sleep? Maybe ideas I might use? My wife only sleeps for 8 hours or less, but she won't wake me up, even if it's been 12 hours. I can get up after 7 or 8 hours to go to a doctor appointment. It's hard to figure out. Let me know if you have any ideas that work for you to cut back on the number of hours you sleep.

If depression is affecting your life, it's best to get help. Talk with your doctor about it. Maybe he'll have some suggestions.

Jim

Jump to this post

Hi Jim,
Thanks for your message. How are you doing lately?
I was sorry to read that the end of 2016 was so awful for you (I can relate), but I am glad that you are getting regular therapy every Thursday. I hope to enter therapy again as soon as possible, but need to wait 6 weeks for an opening to come up; it's quite frustrating.

Most of my days it's incredibly hard to get going; I do spend a lot of time inactive, and it does make the depression worse and that makes it even harder to get going (quite the catch-22). I feel like my body is made of lead 🙁 I find I have to set up very humble goals - just getting out to the backyard, on some days (that actually will be goal today since I'm having a really hard time). I'd like to replenish our bird feeders. I might also take the dog for a walk. They're small goals, but at least they get me out of the house.

How have your sleep issues been? Mine are still bothering me, but I hope they will get better once the depression starts lifting perhaps.

Take care,
Brenda

REPLY
Brenda | @bren1985 | Nov 15, 2017
In reply to @comtesse "Hi Brenda! I am happy I am not alone wiith experiencing sleeping disorder as well as..." + (show)
@comtesse

Hi Brenda! I am happy I am not alone wiith experiencing sleeping disorder as well as morning anxiety. I also live in Canada in the french part (Quebec), that's why it's hard for me to rEspond to all messages ... Mornings feel like hell for me. I will see my psychiatrist next Monday to decide which medecine I should try. I am also having ect and I don't think it really helps right now. I Think the weather really doesn't help and the time of the year as well. I will try the lightbox, in case it might do something positive.

Wish I could have news from you when it's possible. I am also on the community and I feel it's good to be part of it. Please excuse my english ...

Wish you the best!

Sylvie 🙂

Jump to this post

Hi Sylvie! 🙂
Thank you for your kind message. And don't worry about your English - it's great! I love Quebec very much (especially the Eastern Townships and the Gaspé region), and can speak a bit of French. It's a lovely language.
How did your meeting with the psychiatrist go?
I'm sorry you are also experiencing difficulties with a sleeping disorder, and with mornings. Mornings are the worst for me too. Yes, the very overcast, gloomy, and cold weather really doesn't help indeed. I feel like hibernating through the fall/winter!
I've been trying the lightbox and it helps a little bit in the morning. It's subtle, but at least it's something.

Please let me know how you are, and it's really nice to meet you here 🙂

I wish you the best too!

Take care,
Brenda

REPLY
Brenda | @bren1985 | Nov 15, 2017
In reply to @lilgrizz "@bren1985 hey I'm lilgriz but you can call me Serina. Boy I could talk to you..." + (show)
@lilgrizz

@bren1985 hey I'm lilgriz but you can call me Serina. Boy I could talk to you forever we seem to share a lot of the same feelings. I was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 in 1999 and have went thru hell trying to find a semi stable state in my life/head. I've lost all hope for a completely stable state of mind but semi seems to be working pretty good. I am usually manic more than depressed but I rapid cycle sometimes each day. I also have ms and my medicine for it causes depression. hahaha. Like I need any help?! But no that is not what always happens. I have the opposite reaction and get manic like really, really manic to were I may sleep 3 hours on a good night. And then this builds and builds and I crash into a huge depression which is where I am at now. I've been sleeping so much I got up the other day and ask my dad what he wanted for breakfast and he said he was fixing to go to bed that he had just ate a sandwich for supper. hahaha. Its left me really confused that is just one example. But most the time I am not this bad and I pray it will pass quickly. I don't have a therapist, I think I ran them all off. hahaha. But I love my psychiatrist. She is a wonderful and caring woman. I have taken one antidepressant for years and it has worked well for me but it has help as I take a once a month injection also and between the 2 they seem to work pretty good. Before 3 years ago I had been in the psych ward at least 30 times but I haven't been back in about 3 maybe 4 years. I understand this dark place you feel your in and for me it was very scary. I have no memory when I walk around in these confused states of mind. I probably should be in the hospital. The last couple of days I have been sleeping about 15-16 hours a day. Then get up wonder around the house lost. Half the time I don't know what day it is. But I am not freaking out yet. the episodes don't usually last that long before I shake them off. I believe your doing the right things to fight your depression and even though I don't do it now because I just had 2 back surgeries this year is exercise. Ask your doc; exercise is the best pill you can swallow. As far as finding the right antidepressant goes you have to be patient and remember that psychiatry is a lot of trial and error. But you all will figure it out. I hope you get to feeling better quickly and getting to know you better Brenda. And don't forget, we will be hear to talk to when you need someone.

Jump to this post

Hi Serina,
I like your name (and your nickname ;)! Thanks for your encouraging message. I'm on medication right now and it feels like I'm waiting forever for it to kick in...and even then, of course there's no certainty it will ever kick in because indeed it really does boil down to a lot of trial and error. I'm also annoyed at the dry mouth side effect, but trying to drink more water (not sure if that will really help though).
I'm sorry to hear you've also been struggling with excess sleep and I can relate so much...I feel like a zombie when I (finally) wake up after sleeping more than half the day. It's really frustrating. I'm glad to hear that, for you, the episodes don't last too long before you shake them off! That must be a relief.
How have you been these past few days? I hope you've been feeling better, and I look forward to getting to know you better as well! I appreciate your friendliness and support 🙂
Take care,
Brenda

REPLY
Brenda | @bren1985 | Nov 15, 2017
In reply to @amberpep "Hi there friend ..... first, I want to encourage you to find a really good therapist..." + (show)
@amberpep

Hi there friend ..... first, I want to encourage you to find a really good therapist ..... a PsyD .... a Psychologist. Then start to tell him or her what is going on. He may or may not send to to an MD for medication, but even if he does, would you rather feel lousy and not take anything? or would you rather feel better and be taking a med.? That's a question only you can answer.
You are not alone in feeling useless, life is over, and the sense that "why am I still here?" I'm 72, have an apartment fairly close to my 2 girls (I moved down here from a condo and town I absolutely loved to be closer to them), and while I enjoy the times I am with them, they have their own lives, and I can't expect them to cater to me. But, here I am, alone in my apartment with my 2 cats (and hopefully soon a dog), it's a low-income apartment, so a lot of the people aren't around at all during the day so for me that = no friends. I still have 2 close friends in MD, but only 1 here, and she works all the time. I feel totally useless. I know if I found a church to go to, and got involved in something there, it would help, but so far I've not had any success at that either.
So, you see, there are a lot of us out here. At your age, you've got a whole lot of life ahead of you. Take the time to do some of the things you've always wanted to do ..... I wish I would have when I was your age. I wanted so badly to hang glide, hike on the Appalachian Trail and camp in the woods overnight, go back to school, open a little business. I do like to whitewater raft, but I have not done that for awhile either. So I say, GO FOR IT, see a really good PsyD, and when you're feeling better, get out there and just DO IT! (I'm talking to myself too).
Keep in touch ... there are some wonderful and very wise people on this site, and I'm sure you'll get lots more suggestions besides mine.
abby

Jump to this post

Hi Abby,
Thank you for your nice message! I appreciate your encouragement.
I'm glad you live close to your 2 girls. You are so definitely not useless; you're an important part of your girls' lives, you provide care to your 2 kitties (and soon a dog; do you know which breed you are going to get?), and I can see that you are caring and helpful as a member of this community (and of course, among many more examples!). I certainly appreciated your message very much 🙂
I just saw a movie that featured the Appalachian Trail - what a very special place. I hope I could go there someday, and I hope that you can also! Maybe we'll see each other on the trail 😉 It sounds like you have a very adventurous spirit; hope you can reconnect with that side of you in some way. It really is never too late!
I do hope to find a good therapist, and hopefully slowly get back to life. I am on a medication right now, but know it's not going to be the total solution. I look forward to going therapy.
Take care, Abby, and please let me know how it's been going.
So good to "meet" you here,
Brenda

REPLY
Brenda | @bren1985 | Nov 15, 2017
In reply to @parus "Yes, one of those dysfunctional, nonfunctional-a funk day. It happens. I expect too much for the..." + (show)
@parus

Yes, one of those dysfunctional, nonfunctional-a funk day. It happens. I expect too much for the most part.

Jump to this post

I definitely hear you, @parus and @derryman (and you're really not alone in having those days) 🙁
I hope today's been a better day for you all...(despite the terrible weather, at least here in Toronto)

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Nov 15, 2017
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello @bren1985 I would like to join Lisa in welcoming you to Mayo Connect. You have..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Hello @bren1985

I would like to join Lisa in welcoming you to Mayo Connect. You have joined a very strong, encouraging community of people who, like you, have posted about some of the difficulties we all face from time to time. Depression is a difficult road to travel, isn't it? The very things that you know that you must do in order to get better are the most difficult things to do because it involves movement and talking with others - the very things that don't feel very comfortable right now.

Like Lisa said, I would encourage you to talk with a doctor about how you are feeling. There are always new medicines and therapies that can assist you and it looks like you are doing some good work on your own. You are also very articulate in expressing your feelings - a most important trait in the healing process.

Have you started keeping a journal of your feelings? That is often a good first step. When you read about CBT, write down thoughts as to how you can put these ideas into practice.

Will you keep in touch with us and let us know how you are progressing in your journey?

Teresa

Jump to this post

Hello Brenda, @bren1985

Nice to hear from you! I wish you well as you wait for the meds to "kick in." I hope that you get to see a helpful therapist/counselor. You will do quite well with therapy, I'm sure. I'm not familiar with "Mind Over Mood," but it sounds very good.

I'm keeping busy with exercise classes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and physical therapy on an in between day. I'm also taking a sign language class and I'm part of a book club through the public library so my mind doesn't have much opportunity to veg-out 🙂

I hope that you are able to find some worthwhile activities as well until you begin therapy. Whatever you can do that has some interest or value to you would be great.

Take care and keep in touch with us,

Teresa

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Nov 15, 2017
In reply to @parus "Yes, one of those dysfunctional, nonfunctional-a funk day. It happens. I expect too much for the..." + (show)
@parus

Yes, one of those dysfunctional, nonfunctional-a funk day. It happens. I expect too much for the most part.

Jump to this post

Hello @bren1985

I live in SE Michigan and we are having a constant rainy, gray day as well. Not fun - but could be worse - at least we don't have to shovel it 🙂

Teresa

REPLY
Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Nov 15, 2017
In reply to @jimhd "Welcome to Connect, @bren1985 I seem to go through phases of sleep binges. I have sleep..." + (show)
@jimhd

Welcome to Connect, @bren1985

I seem to go through phases of sleep binges. I have sleep apnea, and see the sleep doctor every 6 months. He usually tells me that I need to sleep less, the idea being that I'd have more energy during the day, and have better sleep. I try to stay below ten hours, but I know that I'm more alert with 9. I set my alarm, but I usually turn it off and sleep another hour. Some people set alarms and put them in a place where they have to get out of bed to turn it off. I need to do that, myself. Sometimes I will sleep for 12 hours. I just don't wake up except to go to the bathroom.

I know that excessive sleep can contribute to depression, and conversely, depression can keep a person in bed. Medications that I take at bedtime are sedating, so that probably makes me sleep longer. But the things I take, I take for a reason.

Have you had any ideas how to limit your sleep? Maybe ideas I might use? My wife only sleeps for 8 hours or less, but she won't wake me up, even if it's been 12 hours. I can get up after 7 or 8 hours to go to a doctor appointment. It's hard to figure out. Let me know if you have any ideas that work for you to cut back on the number of hours you sleep.

If depression is affecting your life, it's best to get help. Talk with your doctor about it. Maybe he'll have some suggestions.

Jim

Jump to this post

@bren1985 - I've been getting a little frustrated with myself because except for doctor appointments and church, I spend a lot of my life in the recliner. This morning, I saw my pcp, and later today I'll load some wheel rims into the trunk and deliver them to someone who bought them through an online local sale site. I bought them for my pickup, but they were too small, as were the tires I bought on Craigslist. Taking a loss on both.

I've been sleeping less lately, mostly because I have to get up for appointments, meetings and church. Down from 11 hours to around 9. I've always felt best with 9 hours.

I've been taking Wellbutrin for 13 years, and it has helped stabilize me. I've added a few things along the way, but they haven't made any improvement.

Getting the peripheral neuropathy pain under control, to some extent, at least, has helped my depression. The two are surely related.

I'm still fiddling with the nasal pillows, getting them so they're not too tight or too loose. I wear a chin strap headgear, as well, so I sometimes fight with getting them to work together.

I know that winter makes it harder to get outside. But even puttering in the garage can help me. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I vacuum the house, and even more so when I can push myself to clean the bathrooms. The little things do make a difference.

Plans for Thanksgiving? We're going to be with our 8 month old granddaughter and her parents in California, so I've been looking forward to that.

Jim

REPLY
View MoreView Less
Please sign in or register to post a reply.