I’m having a lot of difficulty functioning. I sleep excessively (11-14 hours/night) and feel extremely tired throughout the day. Most of my days lately have been very empty – I haven’t been doing much, at all, except sleeping and eating (and feeling guilty to eat so much – it seems like a waste since I’m not doing anything; I get these terrible cravings for carbs). I don’t know if what I have is chronic fatigue syndrome, hypersomnia, or depression – or perhaps all three. I’m incredibly afraid that I have lost my ability to concentrate as I’m a graduate student (in Environmental Studies) under pressure to finish my research by April 2018; the way things are going, I don’t know if I will ever get better enough to complete the research…I used to love studying (it was like therapy for me – especially because I’m studying nature, which has been very healing in the past), but I can’t engage with it as I used to and that feels very painful.
I had my first episode of severe depression (which involved hospitalization) at 17 and had many more psych ward stays over the years; I’m now 32, and I really feel like my life is over in a way. The only person I have in my life, consistently, is my mother (whom I live with; she is 62). I am very grateful for her support.
I don’t know whether I should try antidepressants again (I have been on more than 10, over the years). I’m very wary of them (especially of side effects) and feel they won’t work anyway. Yet, I’m really not able to function and feel very stuck. I also deal with other chronic conditions (like migraine and IBS); I take a triptan for migraine, and there is a small risk of serotonin syndrome when using antidepressants with them. That’s one reason I’m wary. I’m open to seeing a psychotherapist again, but it can take a lot of time and energy to find an appropriate one. In the meantime, I’ve been reading some CBT and mindfulness books and tried doing a bit of very simple yoga – though I’m often too tired to do much of it.
Sorry for the long post, just wanted to reach out as I feel isolated in this and I’m losing hope – especially after struggling since a relatively early age. I worry that the future will be a repeat of the past, and it terrifies me. I would appreciate any advice/insights/words of support please. Thank you so much. I’m glad this community exists.