1. < Depression & Anxiety

Unable to function

Posted by Brenda @bren1985, Nov 1, 2017

Hi everyone,
I'm having a lot of difficulty functioning. I sleep excessively (11-14 hours/night) and feel extremely tired throughout the day. Most of my days lately have been very empty - I haven't been doing much, at all, except sleeping and eating (and feeling guilty to eat so much - it seems like a waste since I'm not doing anything; I get these terrible cravings for carbs). I don't know if what I have is chronic fatigue syndrome, hypersomnia, or depression - or perhaps all three. I'm incredibly afraid that I have lost my ability to concentrate as I'm a graduate student (in Environmental Studies) under pressure to finish my research by April 2018; the way things are going, I don't know if I will ever get better enough to complete the research...I used to love studying (it was like therapy for me - especially because I'm studying nature, which has been very healing in the past), but I can't engage with it as I used to and that feels very painful.

I had my first episode of severe depression (which involved hospitalization) at 17 and had many more psych ward stays over the years; I'm now 32, and I really feel like my life is over in a way. The only person I have in my life, consistently, is my mother (whom I live with; she is 62). I am very grateful for her support.

I don't know whether I should try antidepressants again (I have been on more than 10, over the years). I'm very wary of them (especially of side effects) and feel they won't work anyway. Yet, I'm really not able to function and feel very stuck. I also deal with other chronic conditions (like migraine and IBS); I take a triptan for migraine, and there is a small risk of serotonin syndrome when using antidepressants with them. That's one reason I'm wary. I'm open to seeing a psychotherapist again, but it can take a lot of time and energy to find an appropriate one. In the meantime, I've been reading some CBT and mindfulness books and tried doing a bit of very simple yoga - though I'm often too tired to do much of it.

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to reach out as I feel isolated in this and I'm losing hope - especially after struggling since a relatively early age. I worry that the future will be a repeat of the past, and it terrifies me. I would appreciate any advice/insights/words of support please. Thank you so much. I'm glad this community exists.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

JK | @contentandwell | Nov 6, 2017
In reply to @amberpep "Hi there friend ..... first, I want to encourage you to find a really good therapist..." + (show)
@amberpep

Hi there friend ..... first, I want to encourage you to find a really good therapist ..... a PsyD .... a Psychologist. Then start to tell him or her what is going on. He may or may not send to to an MD for medication, but even if he does, would you rather feel lousy and not take anything? or would you rather feel better and be taking a med.? That's a question only you can answer.
You are not alone in feeling useless, life is over, and the sense that "why am I still here?" I'm 72, have an apartment fairly close to my 2 girls (I moved down here from a condo and town I absolutely loved to be closer to them), and while I enjoy the times I am with them, they have their own lives, and I can't expect them to cater to me. But, here I am, alone in my apartment with my 2 cats (and hopefully soon a dog), it's a low-income apartment, so a lot of the people aren't around at all during the day so for me that = no friends. I still have 2 close friends in MD, but only 1 here, and she works all the time. I feel totally useless. I know if I found a church to go to, and got involved in something there, it would help, but so far I've not had any success at that either.
So, you see, there are a lot of us out here. At your age, you've got a whole lot of life ahead of you. Take the time to do some of the things you've always wanted to do ..... I wish I would have when I was your age. I wanted so badly to hang glide, hike on the Appalachian Trail and camp in the woods overnight, go back to school, open a little business. I do like to whitewater raft, but I have not done that for awhile either. So I say, GO FOR IT, see a really good PsyD, and when you're feeling better, get out there and just DO IT! (I'm talking to myself too).
Keep in touch ... there are some wonderful and very wise people on this site, and I'm sure you'll get lots more suggestions besides mine.
abby

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@amberpep it must be very difficult to feel displaced and not have a group of friends where you are now. Church can be a great place to meet similarly minded people but senior centers can be also. My sister and her husband have lived in the same town for many years and she has many friends there, plus her daughter is in the same town and one of her sons is not far. Even so, she has started going to the senior center a couple of days a week, and thoroughly enjoys it. She has made new friends and gone on some outings that have been run by the center. I use my health club for that and am pretty faithful to the water aerobics classes. They also have social activities for seniors which I have not tried. My goal has been to get physically stronger, and it was to lose weight but I don’t want to lose anymore now. I had a TKR three weeks ago and was afraid that inactivity and snacking would be my undoing but oddly enough I have lost weight!
JK

REPLY
Barb | @amberpep | Nov 7, 2017
In reply to @amberpep "Hi there friend ..... first, I want to encourage you to find a really good therapist..." + (show)
@amberpep

Hi there friend ..... first, I want to encourage you to find a really good therapist ..... a PsyD .... a Psychologist. Then start to tell him or her what is going on. He may or may not send to to an MD for medication, but even if he does, would you rather feel lousy and not take anything? or would you rather feel better and be taking a med.? That's a question only you can answer.
You are not alone in feeling useless, life is over, and the sense that "why am I still here?" I'm 72, have an apartment fairly close to my 2 girls (I moved down here from a condo and town I absolutely loved to be closer to them), and while I enjoy the times I am with them, they have their own lives, and I can't expect them to cater to me. But, here I am, alone in my apartment with my 2 cats (and hopefully soon a dog), it's a low-income apartment, so a lot of the people aren't around at all during the day so for me that = no friends. I still have 2 close friends in MD, but only 1 here, and she works all the time. I feel totally useless. I know if I found a church to go to, and got involved in something there, it would help, but so far I've not had any success at that either.
So, you see, there are a lot of us out here. At your age, you've got a whole lot of life ahead of you. Take the time to do some of the things you've always wanted to do ..... I wish I would have when I was your age. I wanted so badly to hang glide, hike on the Appalachian Trail and camp in the woods overnight, go back to school, open a little business. I do like to whitewater raft, but I have not done that for awhile either. So I say, GO FOR IT, see a really good PsyD, and when you're feeling better, get out there and just DO IT! (I'm talking to myself too).
Keep in touch ... there are some wonderful and very wise people on this site, and I'm sure you'll get lots more suggestions besides mine.
abby

Jump to this post

Hi there content .... A senior center was mentioned to me before, but, and I hate to say this, but I picture a group of old people sitting around drawing pictures, playing games. In my head I know that's not true, but somehow that's the impression I've got.
abby

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Nov 7, 2017

I did not grow up in the area where I live and gave up trying to find a place. I went to a water Tai Chi class as I always enjoyed doing Tai Chi. I was disappointed in what I found there. The instructor was awesome-all of the seniors were there only to gossip. I left before the class was over and did not return. They were rude and disrespectful. I took none of it personally. Found the same in any senior center. They have them and in some areas they may be helpful. I am not into gossip. It ruins things for others. The loud and obnoxious take over. I understand their need for a social life, but when I try to mingle I get nowhere. I am well rounded and have many interests. I stay with going to the store early in the morning when we oldies and goodies are shopping. I have met many interesting folks this way. There are many interesting people around. We know each other by face where we shop and this seems to work better for this senior. I am not one to sit and veg in front of a TV. I have many topics I can discuss-still, gossip takes over.
Church was mentioned. Again, even folks in church cannot get along even at church. I had thought about it and remembered past experiences.
So, now I come here and this helps. I can come here and be "me".
I have days that getting out of bed may be my best for that day and this is okay. Chronic pain and depression are a constant uphill climb. I have done many things in my life and now it is time to take care of myself.

REPLY
2 replies
Barb | @amberpep | Nov 7, 2017
In reply to @parus "I did not grow up in the area where I live and gave up trying to..." + (show)
@parus

I did not grow up in the area where I live and gave up trying to find a place. I went to a water Tai Chi class as I always enjoyed doing Tai Chi. I was disappointed in what I found there. The instructor was awesome-all of the seniors were there only to gossip. I left before the class was over and did not return. They were rude and disrespectful. I took none of it personally. Found the same in any senior center. They have them and in some areas they may be helpful. I am not into gossip. It ruins things for others. The loud and obnoxious take over. I understand their need for a social life, but when I try to mingle I get nowhere. I am well rounded and have many interests. I stay with going to the store early in the morning when we oldies and goodies are shopping. I have met many interesting folks this way. There are many interesting people around. We know each other by face where we shop and this seems to work better for this senior. I am not one to sit and veg in front of a TV. I have many topics I can discuss-still, gossip takes over.
Church was mentioned. Again, even folks in church cannot get along even at church. I had thought about it and remembered past experiences.
So, now I come here and this helps. I can come here and be "me".
I have days that getting out of bed may be my best for that day and this is okay. Chronic pain and depression are a constant uphill climb. I have done many things in my life and now it is time to take care of myself.

Jump to this post

Yes, taking good care of ourselves is tops on my list. One of the ways I made lots of friends when I lived in MD and walked my dog 2x a day, was just that ..... walking the dog. I ran into so many people walking their dogs, and we always stopped and talked. Funny, a lot of the people I may not have known their names, but I did know their dog's name!!! But, in that way I always met people, and I loved it. Unfortunately I had to put my dog down shortly after I moved to VA and I really miss her. I'm looking right now for another dog, both for companionship and to walk, hoping to meet people. It may not be as easy here though .... I live in a low-income apartment and a lot of the folks work during the day and no one is home. But, it's worth a try anyhow.
abby

REPLY
Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Nov 7, 2017
In reply to @parus "I did not grow up in the area where I live and gave up trying to..." + (show)
@parus

I did not grow up in the area where I live and gave up trying to find a place. I went to a water Tai Chi class as I always enjoyed doing Tai Chi. I was disappointed in what I found there. The instructor was awesome-all of the seniors were there only to gossip. I left before the class was over and did not return. They were rude and disrespectful. I took none of it personally. Found the same in any senior center. They have them and in some areas they may be helpful. I am not into gossip. It ruins things for others. The loud and obnoxious take over. I understand their need for a social life, but when I try to mingle I get nowhere. I am well rounded and have many interests. I stay with going to the store early in the morning when we oldies and goodies are shopping. I have met many interesting folks this way. There are many interesting people around. We know each other by face where we shop and this seems to work better for this senior. I am not one to sit and veg in front of a TV. I have many topics I can discuss-still, gossip takes over.
Church was mentioned. Again, even folks in church cannot get along even at church. I had thought about it and remembered past experiences.
So, now I come here and this helps. I can come here and be "me".
I have days that getting out of bed may be my best for that day and this is okay. Chronic pain and depression are a constant uphill climb. I have done many things in my life and now it is time to take care of myself.

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@parus - I agree that people are people, wherever they gather.

Jim

REPLY
Moderator
Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Nov 8, 2017
In reply to @bren1985 "Hi all, Thank you so much for all of your thoughtful replies to my posting. It..." + (show)
@bren1985

Hi all,
Thank you so much for all of your thoughtful replies to my posting. It was nice to feel so welcomed here.

Sorry if I didn't "properly" reply to everyone (not sure if I had to use "@")...still figuring out how this works.

I'll see my doctor next Monday, and will wait for a psychiatrist and therapist. In the meantime, I'm setting small goals: like just getting outside and walking our dog around the block, and perhaps going to the library for more CBT/mindfulness books. I don't feel ready to tackle harder tasks, like getting back to research, just yet...it feels too overwhelming and I feel too scatterbrained 🙁

Thank you again for your kind support, and I am also thinking of everyone here.

-Brenda

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Hi, @bren1985 -- when you would like to address several members in a discussion individually, you can use their username (@____) where you'd usually use a name, like you were thinking. You can also write one post where you @mention several members, if you want -- like a sentence or paragraph to each all in the same post.

Wanted to check in and see how things are going for you and how your doctor appointment went?

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Nov 8, 2017

Yes, one of those dysfunctional, nonfunctional-a funk day. It happens. I expect too much for the most part.

REPLY
5 replies
derryman | @derryman | Nov 8, 2017
In reply to @parus "Yes, one of those dysfunctional, nonfunctional-a funk day. It happens. I expect too much for the..." + (show)
@parus

Yes, one of those dysfunctional, nonfunctional-a funk day. It happens. I expect too much for the most part.

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Same here. Terrible weather. Got up at 2pm. Sitting watching tv all evening. Now watch tv & sit up till about 4am. So so bored with nothing to do. Mental health.

REPLY
Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Nov 8, 2017
In reply to @parus "Yes, one of those dysfunctional, nonfunctional-a funk day. It happens. I expect too much for the..." + (show)
@parus

Yes, one of those dysfunctional, nonfunctional-a funk day. It happens. I expect too much for the most part.

Jump to this post

@parus

🙁

REPLY
Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Nov 8, 2017
In reply to @parus "Yes, one of those dysfunctional, nonfunctional-a funk day. It happens. I expect too much for the..." + (show)
@parus

Yes, one of those dysfunctional, nonfunctional-a funk day. It happens. I expect too much for the most part.

Jump to this post

@derryman

🙁

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