1. < Depression & Anxiety

Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I"m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: 'why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude'. Or they don't hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: 'what do you have to be depressed about?' Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a 'why', not is it a 'choice'. It's almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that's what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don't want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it's harder and harder to 'push depression down' once it's popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy - but as I said, it's not a 'why'. I'm looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it's just me and there's no one else who feels this way -- 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Jul 23, 2018
In reply to @sharlynn62 "Hi Seeker 70, By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out..." + (show)
@sharlynn62

Hi Seeker 70,

By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out from under the dark cloud and see the sun again (this is how I visualize depression sometimes). I, too, have been dealing with some level of depression since I was a teenager. I have been taking medications (too many) for several years and seeing a therapist every week as well. Sometimes I feel so trapped in this life of misery. I also have several chronic physical problems that make it hard to live a " normal" life and feed the depression.

I think there are two major things I want to say. One is that you must believe and let others know that depression is an illness just like diabetes or heart disease. You didn't bring this on yourself and you can't just "change your attitude" and make it go away. I was told to "pull up my boot straps" and get on with life, when I was a teenager and it just shows that people need to be educated about mental health. One thing I'm involved in that helps me is advocacy for people who have mental health concerns. I work on an anti-stigma campaign in my county and am involved in peer support (being with others who face similar struggles and providing support to one another).

This leads to my second point. You are very intuitive and obviously have not lost hope as you are reaching out to others for support. For me, this is one of the most important things that I can do to help with my recovery. It's difficult, though, because I haven't found many people of my age (I'm 55) who are interested in listening to a "boring old sad woman" (this is how I feel about myself a lot... part of my depressive symptoms include very low self esteem and negative self image). However, when I find someone who wants to listen and wants someone to listen to them, it's marvelous and hopeful.

So, I would be glad to talk with you some more, if you are still wanting to discuss what you're experiencing , etc. Let me know with a post here and we could possibly exchange email addresses. I often have to remind myself so I think it's important to say this to you...You are not alone! Take care.

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Someone has mentioned that checking out DNA for the meds that will work the best is a good place for us to srart. I am not sure how prevalent this is where I live, but I will mention it to my PCP next time I see him. He's a good egg, listens, and basically tolerates me when I don't function as well as I should. It bothers me at times that we are the ones that have to push so hard to get help. We almost have to do the hard work for them, at least that's my perception. Every doctor does not have a gift for being an excellent diagnostician. Frequently they withhold the very medications that would help us because they suspect we would abuse them. Who knows what the answer is? I sure don't. But I won't quit trying. Maybe take a rest, every now and then. Yeah. That's it. Pugs and Hugs

REPLY
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Jul 23, 2018
In reply to @parus "@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to..." + (show)
@parus

@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me. If I cannot use my CBT skills then what else is there? I am 66 and I do not mention the "D" word to anyone. I feel like a leper in society. I surely will get back on track. Currently I lack the desire to even try. Yup, listening to the depression demon. Native Americans left the tribe when they were no longer of value. Welcome to my pitiful world.

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Thanks, gman007. I run my mouth too much, make really stupid mistakes, and feel lower than a snake's belly when or if I ever hurt anyone's feelings. Or step on their toes. I am on the Autism Spectrum, which accounts for some of my literal and figurative clumsiness. The rest is all me. People have explained to me that my 49% Western European heritage accounts for the hard copy facts that I am 49% Cherokee and Choctaw. French, Spanish, Italuan, Portugese, and Greek are the groups that my ancestors came from a very long time ago. For some reason, DNA searches on females will not show up Native American ancestry. The story is that my ancestors "passed" enough in looks that when the call came to leave homes for the Reservations, my kin said "Un uh, we ain't going,"and hid in the mountains. After awhile, evetyone forgot about us. Apparently they reappeared later, much paler from the hiding, and resumed their lives much as before. That part I don't have clear information about yet. But I intend to do further research. I have found cousins through this obsession of mine. I find it rewarding to run into family everywhere . It has also reinforced my sincere belief that we all come from somewhere else. And that we are all connected. Much more than we know. Oh, and I will be attempting Spanish this fall, with the thirteen year old. Adios!
Mamacita

REPLY
mattie | @mattie | Jul 23, 2018
In reply to @parus "@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to..." + (show)
@parus

@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me. If I cannot use my CBT skills then what else is there? I am 66 and I do not mention the "D" word to anyone. I feel like a leper in society. I surely will get back on track. Currently I lack the desire to even try. Yup, listening to the depression demon. Native Americans left the tribe when they were no longer of value. Welcome to my pitiful world.

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hI mAMA..JUST SAW WHAET YOU SKAID ABOUT nATIVE aMERICAN NOT SHOWING UP ON DNA...iDIDNT KNOW...i SENT IN MY MONEY AND NEVER SAW ANY MENTION OF IT ON THE RESULTS AND WAS SO DARN MAD...IS THAT WHY??

REPLY
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Jul 23, 2018
In reply to @parus "@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to..." + (show)
@parus

@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me. If I cannot use my CBT skills then what else is there? I am 66 and I do not mention the "D" word to anyone. I feel like a leper in society. I surely will get back on track. Currently I lack the desire to even try. Yup, listening to the depression demon. Native Americans left the tribe when they were no longer of value. Welcome to my pitiful world.

Jump to this post

Dear@mattie, Yes, I was told by someone from Ancestry .com the males will show the Native American. But the females will show only where the Native Americans came from. Supposedly, my Father's side of the family came from Great Britain and Western Europe. Spain, Portugal, France, Italy, and Greece. When I saw my cousin (Let's call him Alvin) at the funeral, I didn't think to ask him about his results. But I will pursue it. I find it rather humerous that all these years I could just as easily have lived on a Reservation. Life on a Reservation is no picnic. My cousin taught there for many years. Her home had no running water.But she loved teaching the children. I would like to understand more of the scientific explanation of all of this.
Light and Love,
Mamacita

REPLY
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Jul 23, 2018
In reply to @charlie75 "Hi Sharlynn62, I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed..." + (show)
@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn't understand. Of all the lessons that I've learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I've learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

Jump to this post

Hi @charlie75. Your words are so helpful and inspiring. Support groups are so wonderful to me because there is such a sense of community. When I feel alone, I think about the kind words that have been said to me. When I think I have messed up really badly, I read or hear an encouraging that helps me feel like I can return to acceptance. Charlie, you are a breathe of fresh air. Thank you for your contribution to these pages. Blessings,
Mamacita

REPLY
GailBL, Alumni Mentor | @gailb | Jul 23, 2018
In reply to @sharlynn62 "Hi Seeker 70, By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out..." + (show)
@sharlynn62

Hi Seeker 70,

By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out from under the dark cloud and see the sun again (this is how I visualize depression sometimes). I, too, have been dealing with some level of depression since I was a teenager. I have been taking medications (too many) for several years and seeing a therapist every week as well. Sometimes I feel so trapped in this life of misery. I also have several chronic physical problems that make it hard to live a " normal" life and feed the depression.

I think there are two major things I want to say. One is that you must believe and let others know that depression is an illness just like diabetes or heart disease. You didn't bring this on yourself and you can't just "change your attitude" and make it go away. I was told to "pull up my boot straps" and get on with life, when I was a teenager and it just shows that people need to be educated about mental health. One thing I'm involved in that helps me is advocacy for people who have mental health concerns. I work on an anti-stigma campaign in my county and am involved in peer support (being with others who face similar struggles and providing support to one another).

This leads to my second point. You are very intuitive and obviously have not lost hope as you are reaching out to others for support. For me, this is one of the most important things that I can do to help with my recovery. It's difficult, though, because I haven't found many people of my age (I'm 55) who are interested in listening to a "boring old sad woman" (this is how I feel about myself a lot... part of my depressive symptoms include very low self esteem and negative self image). However, when I find someone who wants to listen and wants someone to listen to them, it's marvelous and hopeful.

So, I would be glad to talk with you some more, if you are still wanting to discuss what you're experiencing , etc. Let me know with a post here and we could possibly exchange email addresses. I often have to remind myself so I think it's important to say this to you...You are not alone! Take care.

Jump to this post

@mamacita

I know that doctors don't have much time to spend with each patient now. They are very much on a "manufacturing" line, with quotas of how many patients they must see each day. That number determines how much time they have with each of us. Here it runs from 10 to 20 minutes of their time with me. Often they have student interns with them, and then I feel like a specimen rather than a person to whom they are listening and relating. Many doctors don't try to develop a relationship with their individual patients as they have so many and they come and go. As a result, doctors who went into medicine to help others are stifled in their desire to know their patients and really help them. They burn out and either become zombies to keep their jobs, they find a better health employer, or they leave healthcare entirely. These days we seem to base everything we do and every service we provide on moneymaking only. It seems to me that if we're doing the right things the right way, the goal is to take care of the customers or patients. If we do that really well, then enough money will be the result.

I am lucky to have St. Jude Heritage healthcare system as my home. I also trust and when needed use Mayo Clinic.These are 2 of the best medical providers I have used, along with St. Lukes of Kansas City. My physicians, with a very few exceptions, connected with these systems have been caring, excellent technically, and we even talk about our families, vacations, etc. I have a personal professional relationship with each of them. They listen to my physical and emotional issues and do their best to help me. As a result, I am pretty darned healthy all things considered.

I wanted to add that DNA testing is pretty new, so we must ask for it because many physicians are just not aware of it, or they haven't incorporated it into their practices yet. I think it's brilliant and can save a lot of time and agony for those of us that take antidepressants. I will ask my PCP about it when I see him in September. I just participated in a study about a possible vaccine for fibromyalgia, but when they tested me I don't have it. That's fabulous news for me. I'm sorry for those who suffer from it as do my sister and brother.

I hope this post is helpful for some of us here. I think most doctors hearts are in a good place when they start, as are nurse's hearts, but they get worn down by our health systems, insurance demands, working 10 to 12 hour shifts, and seeing very ill and injured people on a daily/hourly basis. I don't think most employers spend the time and money it takes to help their physicians and nurses deal with the emotional toll the job takes on them. The patients pay the price in the long run with detached health care workers.

Thanks for listening. We will all continue to search for the holy graile of emotional stability and joy.

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

REPLY
Mentor
Terri Martin, Volunteer Mentor | @windwalker | Jul 24, 2018
In reply to @charlie75 "Hi Sharlynn62, I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed..." + (show)
@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn't understand. Of all the lessons that I've learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I've learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

Jump to this post

@swanie I have a friend who takes Trintellix for depression and klonepin for anxiety. She said she had been on every antidepressant ever made over the last 20 years, & the Trintellix is what lifted the clouds for her. Have you ever tried either of these two medications?

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haleysmom | @haleysmom | Jul 26, 2018

You are definitely not alone!! So many suffer from depression. I am one of them and I have suffered since I was a child. I'm 44 now. I had shingles when I was 4 due to anxiety watching my dad beat my mom.
Now as an adult I am extremely happy in my life. I moved to my dream home, I have no money problems, I do not have to work and I'm getting married to the greatest man. So some ask, what do you have to be depressed about. I don't know...it's just a deep dark feeling that I get and can't shake. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed. When I did work, I missed so many days because I couldn't function so I'd lose my job and then that would cause more depression. Look at all the famous people that commit suicide because of depression. It's real and its something that so many people suffer silently.

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ladybugmg | @ladybugmg | Aug 1, 2018

Researchers find that a deficiency of acetyl-L-carnitine is associated with a particular subtype of depression. Individuals with very low levels of this molecule often have highly severe symptoms and don't respond to traditional antidepressants.

FULL STORY
Depression is not a single disease. The term refers to a cluster of feelings and behaviors, brought on by a variety of underlying causes. And, unfortunately, it is often difficult to determine which type of depression a person has: a physician cannot take a mouth swab or a blood sample to diagnose the nature and severity of a patient's psychiatric condition -- at least not yet.

Read more https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/07/180730154745.htm

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elwooodsdad | @elwooodsdad | Aug 1, 2018

I’m 71, and depression has been my life for most of it. I am diagnosed as having Dysthymia, a constant low level of depression with occasional major episodes. I am having a major issue now, and it will pass. I am on meds, have a psychiatrist, but I am so sad. I don’t like the suicidal ideation, the stress on my wife, etc. I have to wait for it to pass or wait to die. Either option is attractive.

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