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seeker70 (@seeker70)

Long-term depression

Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Jan 2, 2019 | Replies (563)

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@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I’ve read the sharing between you and others in our group. I’ve been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn’t understand. Of all the lessons that I’ve learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I’ve learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

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Replies to "Hi Sharlynn62, I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed..."

Hello @kdo0827

I just read Jim’s, @jimhd, response to you and feel that he is offering you some good examples of small steps you can take to get out of the house. Even if just to walk outdoors for 3 minutes and take a look around you and allow yourself some deep breaths of fresh air. Often @parus has mentioned going to a store and just seeing people smile will help her.

Change can occur with a “small-step” approach. What small step can you take today?

Teresa

Hope you do make it home safe and sound! It seems lots of people tell me to get out of the house. I understand it may be helpful but forcing myself to do it is very hard. I did get out to Walmart this week and I’m taking my mom to run errands today. I’ll try to notice if it makes a difference. I also volunteer at Hospice, go to church, keep the nursery twice a month and I feed the homeless once a month. I’m not on any medication for my depression. I’m now encouraged to have found this group. Thank you for caring!!

@kdo0827

I’m pleased to hear that you have so many activities that you are involved in, that is great.

Teresa

I wish I knew! I did go out today for a good little bit. I feel a bit better, my chest doesn’t feel so heavy. I hate having to get dressed and I just like snuggling up in my chair. I really appreciate those who have reached out to me. I think this group may be what I need.

Hi, I just found the Mayo Clinic connect. I was hoping to be able to go to the Mayo clinic fo get a diagnosis but just found out yesterday my insurance won’t pay for anything out of my home state. I’m incredibly frustrated with my health problems which are to blame for my depression, anxiety, irritability and anger. Those emotional symptoms are turned on and off each week or so by my environmental – air allergies. This has been going on for 5 years in a severe form. I’ve moved twice – once out of state and once to the other side of my state, to escape mold allergy. Unfortunately, I have many other allergies – dust is the one that is my new big problem. I developed asthma last month from the dust, but it’s minimally active. Just got on insurance – haven’t worked since September. This week went to 2 new doctors in my new city – which is a small city. The allergist said there’s not much he can do. I left Texas a year and 7 months ago, and when I was there I got allergy skin testing done and took allergy shots for 2 x a week for 7 months, and the shots didn’t help, just made me sick. I went to a new primary care doc yesterday and they are doing more bloodwork than the allergist did. The allergist’s tests came back normal for kidney, liver, and inflammation. The Prim. care doc is doing a whole bunch of other tests for inflammation. I feel sure my brain is under attack because of my chronic fatigue, chronic memory and ADD-like symptoms, and chronic emotional ups and downs. I’m supposed to see a psychiatrist and am waiting for that office to call me and set up an appointment. I am taking Lexapro and the new doc gave me a baby dose of Abilify to try and help with my mood. Some days I don’t need help with my mood, but the allergies will kick in and then I’ll be really depressed and feel like impending doom is coming and that I might not be able to live like this much longer. I am 55 and have a daughter in TX that is on meth and heroine and just turned 20. She might need me someday if she decides to go into rehab, and she’s my only child. I also have elderly parents who would be devastated if I died, so dying is not an option for me. Besides, when I’m feeling normal (every few days), I am happy to be alive and death is not in the back of my mind at all. Thankfully I got a new puppy a few months ago and she is a great support to me as well. I am home bound and bed bound a lot and really need to find people to talk to. I’m hoping there’s someone else out there that can understand this bizarre situation that I’m in. Thanks for reading my long post, hope you are having a good day so far.

@kdo0827

It sounds like you are doing a lot to counteract depression. We attend church on Sunday morning, and I lead worship and play the piano in the evening service. I was a volunteer for hospice for several years, visiting patients. I resigned from hospice because they made new guidelines and wanted me to have my service dog trained as a therapy dog. The two types of dogs are very different, and I need to keep Sadie as my service dog. I still visit one woman every Monday, and celebrated her 104th birthday with her today.

I’ve been taking Wellbutrin for 12 years and added Remeron a couple of months ago. I also take Klonopin for anxiety. My mental health fell apart in ’05. I’d been taking antidepressants for a few years, but I crashed and attempted suicide a number of times and was down in a very deep, very dark hole by the end of ’05. I spent November and December in a facility, and the following October I retired at 56. It took several years to get out of the hole, and by now I’m in a better, safer place. I’m sorry that I’ve put my wife through some rough times. I wish I could say I’m all better, but I know I still have a way to go.

Jim

Hi, @jess123

Sorry for all of the frustration you’ve been experiencing. I hope your new doctors will be more helpful. Allergies are no fun at all. We live in Oregon, and moved out of the Willamette Valley 20 years ago, where it rains all the time and mold and mildew were disabling us. We live in central Oregon, which is high desert, with only around 15 inches of precipitation annually. Our allergies are way better, but then there are other things like sage brush. I don’t think there’s a place that’s allergen free.

I’m just getting over a nasty cold that my wife had last week. I’m looking forward to having some energy again. I need to finish taking down the Christmas lights outside, and at the same time clean gutters. I’ve put off the gutter cleaning for way too long.

Time for bed. Look forward to hearing more from you.

Jim

Thank you Jim! I also appreciate you sharing your life with me. I’m sorry to hear about your suicide attempts. It’s hard to battle those thoughts. I’m very glad that you are doing better. I like getting to know you and others. I don’t feel so alone. I too suffer with morning anxiety and it felt good to know other people understand what I go through. Today’s been pretty good. I ran errands with my Mom and volunteered at Hospice. I did notice today I didn’t think about my depression at all when I was there. I guess I need more busy work to keep my mind off things. Hope you have a wonderful afternoon.

Hi Jim, thanks for your reply. I try to keep doing the things that make me feel better, like talking to my mom regularly. She’s in Texas and I hate to worry her but it’s my only lifeline right now. I’m taking the best care of myself that I can under the circumstances. I’ve had a low-grade fever for a few weeks now and don’t know what is causing that so I called the new doc’s office this morning about it. I usually don’t get a fever, even when I’m at my sickest with a bad virus. They are the ones who took my temp a couple of days ago but we didn’t discuss it when I was there. More blood test results will be coming early next week, so maybe some answers finally. I am hoping that going to different types of medical professionals will yield some answers and some relief. I really need to work again, I don’t have anywhere to go except back to Houston, which would make me really sick because of the mold. I’m really relying on my faith to get me through, like I have been for several years now, I wish I wasn’t so sensitive emotionally. Good luck with your projects, I know you’ll feel better once you get started on them. Sometimes breaking it up into smaller chunks or smaller time periods helps with getting started. I procrastinate, I don’t know if that’s an issue for you. I’ll tell myself that I’m only going to do something for 30 min. Then, once I get started I usually do twice that amount. Have a great day.

@jess123

Well, I took down some of the lights, and put away the extension cords. I didn’t get to the ones on the roofline. It starts getting dark at 4, so the days are kind of short. I usually feel better when I get even just one thing done. A low grade fever often indicates some sort of infection. I trust that blood tests will show if and what infection might be going on.

Jim

Yes, I am experiencing depression, worse with cold weather and lack of sun. I use light therapy, but the weather has limited getting out.

Same here. The cold and my old bones no longer are companions. Even light therapy does not help.