Dealing With Husband’s Anger

New to the group so just venting here. My husband has been diagnosed with MCI. I have been tracking incidents for the last 2 years. First things first. Our marriage has always been effect because he is an alcoholic. We have been married for 40 years so when he stopped drinking in 2018 I silly and thought his behavior would change. He was never a happy drunk. Angry, hateful, selfish, etc. What I’m now see and looking back at my journal is that the same actions he had while he was actively drink have just intensified. I see the same behavior which I think is compounded by MCI. The straw that broke the camels back was I went on a trip with my friend of 50+. I drove to the airport and made arrangements of him picking me up. On the day of my return he became lost. Ultimately, after several calls and me staying on the phone and giving him directions how to get to the airport he finally arrived. Instead of a normal pick and getting home in about 30 minutes it too 2.5 hours. I was furious. Now I get angry a lot and find it hard to deal with all the negativity on his side. I found this site because I’m need to hear from others who are now caretaker. So much of the information you see is about the person who has been diagnosed. I’m new here and sometimes I just need a place to let it all out. I’m going to a counselor which helps but the day to days can be really hard. Complaining yes, just my morning rant I guess. Sorry for all the negativity. But I assume most here will understand. It hard

Do not blame yourself. It is a learning process. His thinking is not flexible so you are right to avoid disagreeing. This was my husband in early stage. I think it is frightening for them. In later stages he was not combative.

@kathy26 thank you, it’s good to hear that this stage won’t last (and that’s scary in it’s way).

@jg8335jg
Hello and welcome.
I also used to be angry all the time when my husband was in the MCI stage. I guess I am beginning to accept our situation more realistically after two plus years, because I'm not as angry anymore. Our loved ones' behavior will continue to change, so hopefully his anger will cool so you can too.
Some folks contact their loved ones' doctor to inquire about calming meds, if his behavior is too extreme and you become afraid.
Check back in when you can. All the best to you. 🍂

@sjde I’m not sure if it’s time for them… yet. Since I posted we’ve gone back to “normal”. I think he has forgotten about the entire incident (but I’m not sure, I’m letting “sleeping dogs lie”).

@kathy26 Yes, this is very familiar. I know I can't get angry at a disease. Sometimes it's very frustrating. Good to hear other voices.

Strangely, I was angry about my husband's dementia all of the time until I joined this support group. Was it that simple? I don't know. I do know that my life has to have SOME purpose at this stage and I guess being my husband's caregiver is it.

My dad had bvFTD and had a lot of behaviors big and small that drove my mom around the bend. To the point where she was close to a nervous breakdown and contemplating harming herself. To an extent She did get better at being patient and understanding that he just couldn’t help it. But she remained overall angry until at least 18 months after his death and told me this. I was glad when she said she could think of him without anger again.

@carolreid To @carolreid
Likewise. Me too.

I understand completely. I usually try to give him my “no answer” answer, like our politicians do. I rarely give him the correct answer.
It is hard because I made a similar mistake this morning and he got very angry, used the F word to tell me what to do, and then turned his back on me and walked away.
I had to leave the house and take a walk.
I am trying to let go and I have been praying constantly but I am struggling and I want to just give up or give in.
Just know we are on the same path and you are not alone. We all cope, struggle, try, and try again.
So my response was not to make this about me- although I had to vent- but to say I understand.